Doing It Doggerel Style: Part 1
Aphrodite
Aphrodite,see-thru nightie
How does your blonde hair grow?
We'll sneak a peek,inside your pants
And see if it's real or no.
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Argo
Poor Argo,Xena's horse,you see
Unknown if it's a he or she
For those of you who want some porn
Just check out that saddle horn.
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Alti
Alti,with your darkened eyes
And scary voice (that's no surprise)
You just keep coming back to haunt
What,exactly,do you want?
Xena,the Amazons did want
To join them in their Northern Haunt
At Alti's orders,just for fun
She slaughtered each and every one
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Ares
I was not really over-awed
To find that Ares was a god
No matter what the people say
He really does have feet of clay.
Ares as a farmer?...Sure!
That's a load of horse manure!
Two girls in bed,and he got nil?
That's got to be a bitter pill
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Autolycus
Autolycus,it's no great feat
To steal from everyone you meet
A challenge,then...consider this:
>From Shana,try to steal a kiss.
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Borias
Borias,with tattoos galore
Made Xena your submissive whore
Don't you think it rather rude
'Twas Xena,not his wife,he screwed?
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Brutus
Brutus,backstabber of his friend
Got his by Gabby,in the end
When Xena saw him take a leak
I swear she tried to take a peek.
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Bodaceia
Boadicea,breast-plated Queen
Betrayed by Xena(that was mean)
You trusted her,way back when
She came to fight,then ran again.
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Callisto
Callisto,with your shapely thighs
Your long blonde hair,and dark brown eyes
The thirst for vengeance never ends
You're after Xena,and her friends.
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Cyane
Cyane,impaled upon a tree
By Xena's plan,it's plain to see
She should have stayed upon the ground
Instead,she had to stick around.
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Dahak
Dahak,scary god of fire
Saw Hope upon the funeral pyre
I think it's strange we didn't see
You after Season number three.
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The Furies
The Furies gave Xena a task
To kill her mom(you had to ask?)
Then Ares lost the fight---too bad!
We think he might be Xena's dad.
The Furies,ladies barely dressed
(The kind of girls I like the best)
In Ares' lap,she did her dance
He'd like to get in Xena's pants.
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Gabrielle
O Gabrielle of long blonde tresses
Your halter tops are hardly dresses
But this I know, without a doubt
I'm praying that they'll both pop out
Oh boy! Another hot-tub scene!
Gab's on the soap,and squeaky-clean
Xena reaches over,and gives her a tweak
For once,our poor Gabby's unable to speak.
The most repulsive sight,of course
Is Gabby dragged behind a horse
It really made me want to gag
To see our Gabrielle in drag.
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Joxer
Joxer,you will never have
Something called the Gift of Gab
No matter how you whine and beg
You're going to end up with Meg
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Minya
Minya never moves with grace
Neither has fair hair nor face
Just listen how she always talks
I'll bet she's stronger than an ox.
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Odin
Crafty Xena's Ring of Gold;
Odin's story must be told!
The witnesses,in the next line
Are the Maidens from the Rhine
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Pandora
Pandora,of the famous Box
Presents a silly paradox
They didn't want you in their town
But wanted you to hang around
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Trios
The strangest ladies come in threes
The Furies,Sirens,and Banshees
The Fates are those we know the best
The mortals strive to pass their test
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Perdicus
Poor Perdicus was in a fix:
Callisto and her evil tricks
He said he didn't want to fight
Last thing he heard was "Nighty-night."
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Xena
When out fishing,Xena found
A man who liked to play around
Don't you think it rather odd
That she got screwed,instead of scrod?
Xena,Warrior,oh so bold
Destroyer of Nations,we are told
Cirra,it was on your list
Callisto,she was really pissed.
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Xena and Gabrielle
Xena,dear,you never thought
That you and Gabby would get caught
In one bedroll upon the grass
Your finger stuck up Gabby's (BLEEP!)
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