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The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home, as I am in the pub and tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
and lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager,
Forever and ever,

Author; unknown, but believed to be either German, Irish or Scottish!

Why a beer *ANY BEER* is better than a man

  • A beer always goes down easy.

  • A beer doesn't care if you go shopping.

  • A beer doesn't mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom, or bras drying on the door knobs.

  • A beer doesn't mind when your mother visits.

  • A beer doesn't sulk.

  • A beer doesn't want to go out alone with the other beers.

  • A beer usually lasts longer than 8 seconds.

  • A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.

  • A beer won't expect you to cook dinner when you're not hungry.

  • A beer will never expect you to sit in the wet spot IT makes.

  • A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less complaining.

  • Having a beer can't make you pregnant.

  • A beer won't tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.

  • If a beer had a sports car, it wouldn't love it more than you.

  • A beer wouldn't waste its money on Playbeer magazine.

  • A beer can't and won't bitch at you.

  • A beer won't switch the TV channel or the radio station on you.

  • A beer doesn't have to sleep with the windows open.

  • A beer doesn't care what kind of music you listen to.

  • A beer doesn't snore.

  • A beer can't interrupt.

  • A beer doesn't care that you can't find your car's carburetor.

  • A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.

  • A beer doesn't belch. Or fart.

  • A beer doesn't care that you don't balance your checkbook.

  • A good beer is easy to find.

  • A beer can't pout.

  • A beer doesn't have a mother.

  • A beer doesn't have friends who will drink your beer.

  • A beer wouldn't yell if you dented the car.

  • A beer won't get jealous if you enjoy another beer.

  • A beer won't care if you gain five pounds.

  • A beer will be there for anytime of the month.

  • A beer doesn't want children.

  • A beer doesn't think poetry is queer.

  • A beer isn't ready until you're ready.

  • If the beer is finished before you are, you can have another beer.

  • Hangovers go away.

  • A beer tastes good.

  • Some beers are tasteful.

  • Having a beer doesn't make you want to take a shower.

  • A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.

  • A beer's life does not revolve around football.

  • A beer would never make fun of your new outfit.

  • You don't have to let a beer win.

  • A beer doesn't care what toppings you get on the pizza.

  • Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you have to sleep with a beer too.

  • A beer doesn't have morning breath.

  • A beer is happy to go where ever you want to go.

  • A beer will never drink the last beer.

  • A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.

  • When a beer is finished, it doesn't roll over and go to sleep.

  • A beer wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.

  • A beer is never temperamental.

  • A beer will never complain about your cooking.

  • A cold beer is a good beer.

  • A beer will never worry about losing its hair.

  • A beer will never bitch about getting old.

  • A big, fat beer is nice to have.

  • A beer won't steal the covers.

  • You don't have to laugh at a beer's jokes.

  • A beer won't mind at all if you're not in the mood for beer.

  • A beer never needs a shave.

  • A beer will only come when you want it to.

  • A beer's life does not revolve around football.



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