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- 1.You bought your house at a hail sale.
- 2.Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
- 3.Your wife has a Jell-O mold that looks like Elvis.
- 4.You have more tattoos than teeth.
- 5.You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
- 6.You've ever been the third one to go through the bathwater.
- 7.You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
- 8.You don't have a home phone.
- 9.You were driving a tractor before you could walk.
- 10.You stockpile Pork & Beans & Spam.
- 11.You've ever put a six-pack in a casket afore they closed the lid.
- 12.You have a refrigerator jest for beer.
- 13.Ya clean your hands daily with gasoline.
- 14.Ya wouldn't dare go anywhere without yer jumper cables.
- 15.Turnin on yer lights involves pullin on a string.
- 16.Any of your children are the result of a conjugal visit.
- 17.You can take your bra off while driving.
- 18.You shave your legs with your husband's fishing knife.
- 19.The cottage cheese container in your refrigerator holds night crawlers.
- 20.You drive 600 miles to see an image of Elvis that has miraculously appeared in water stains on the ceiling of a trailer.
- 21.The National Guard had to be called out to your last family reunion.
- 22.Your horse lives in a better place than you do.
- 23.Your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator.
- 24.Your retirement plans include gettin yer own place.
- 25.Ya practice fishin off yer front porch.
- 26.All your wall decorations have horns.
- 27.You went to the gun and knife show more than once... in the same weekend.
- 28.A night on the town includes city jail.
- 29.All your wedding guests were seated on the same side of the church.
- 30.At the dog track, you always bet on the dog that "does his business" right before the race starts.
- 31.Every room in your house is a junk room.
- 32.It takes an entire dumpster to clean out your car.
- 33.Neither you nor your husband's job requires you to wear a shirt to work.
- 34.You and yer husband's idea of a romantic evenin at home is a fart war!
- 35.People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
- 36.People toss their garbage into your backyard because they thought it was the town dump!
- 37.The beer truck delivers door-to-door in your neighborhood.
- 38.The biggest sign on your place of business says "Minnows!"
- 39.The cleaners inform you that they can't get the sweat stains out.
- 40.The dishwasher and your wife are one and the same.
- 41.The man from the power company threatens to cut off your service, and yer wife threatens to cut off something of his in return!
- 42.The only scales in your bathroom are leftovers from the fish cleaning.
- 43.The quality of your birthday present depends on how momma finishes in the wet T-shirt contest.
- 44.There are engine parts on your coffee table.
- 45.Three weeks after the circus, you're still talking about the elephant's accident.
- 46.When paying for beer, spare pistol shells & marbles for yer sling shot fall outta your pocket.
- 47.You've ever backed down an exit ramp.
- 48.You've ever been on TV not wearing a shirt.
- 49.You've ever borrowed chewing tobacco from your wife.
- 50.You've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.
- 51.You've ever made love on top of a dog house.
- 52.You've ever read the whole entire Sunday paper sitting in the bathroom
- 53.You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone who was inside.
- 58.You've ever thrown a tailgate party at a tractor pull.
- 59.Beavis & Butthead, Barney Fife, & Gillagan are your heroes.
- 60.You've ever used a Laundromat as a mailing address.
- 61.You've ever used panty hose as a coffee filter.
- 62.You've ever walked through a drive-through window.
- 63.You've ever water skied in your underwear.
- 64.Gettin drunk usually involves streaking round the trailer park nekkid.
- 65.You burn out your clutch in a funeral procession.
- 66.You buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.
- 67.You can distinguish between the tastes of 'possum, squirrel, and groundhog, blindfolded.
- 68.You fix holes in your truck with duct tape.
- 69.You go fishing with a generator and copper wire.
- 70.You have a beer can crusher mounted on the dashboard of your car.
- 71.You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
- 72.You have a Jack Daniel's poster in your living room.
- 73.You have a tennis ball stuck on your truck antenna.
- 74.You have an above ground pool and you fish in it, AND you actually catch something.
- 75.You have more appliances in your backyard than in your house
- 76.You have to wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
- 77.Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets, and permanent skidmarks inside em.
- 78.In the delivery room, your husband says "That's worse than skinning a deer!"
- 79.Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun within reach, "just in case".
- 80. Ya use an empty keg for yer livin room furniture.
- 81.The liquor store knows you by your first name.
- 82.The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels, AND it broke.
- 83.There are more dishes in your sink dirty than in your cabinets clean.
- 84.When you run out of gas, you put everclear in the gas tank.
- 85.You always answer the door with a shotgun in your hand.
- 86.You consider a 6-pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
- 87.You drive around a parking lot for fun.
- 88.You burn yer trash in the fireplace or out in the yard.
- 89.You give your husband a gallon of Maximum-Strength Pepto Bismol for his birthday.
- 90.You got your tater gun hangin' over your couch in your living room.
- 91.You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
- 92.You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.
- 93.You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
- 94.You name your twin boys Jack Daniel & Jim Beam.
- 95.You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all that's holding it together.
- 96.You roll your pickup truck and then laugh about it.
- 97.You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going fishin & deer hunting.
- 98.You shoot the tater gun off in yer house.
- 99.You've ever stolen toilet paper.
- 100.You've never stayed in a hotel without stealing something.
- 101.You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
- 102.Your dog is your alarm clock.
- 103.Your idea of a seven-course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.
- 104.Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."
- 105.You rip a loud one and blame your date.
- 106.Your cigarette lighter is your stove.
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