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Reformed Sinners Confessions
Confessions of Saved Souls


The Church of the Holy Goat is proud to present confessions of sinners whom we have helped along the path of righteousness. Through our guidance and patience we feel sure that these tormented souls have now seen the light.

Please note that all the following confessions are genuine and have not been changed in any way. 

Name: Big Mike    Age: 37   Sex: M  



Email: Big Mike   Goat name: Aristotle

I don't really have anything to confess as I'm too pure and innocent but lately I have been suffering with rather bad headaches. Can you help me?

Cardinal Fang:

Dear Big Mike - Obviously your halo is too tight. Please visit us for a free adjustment. We can also offer you halo cleaning and repairs at very competitive rates. 


Name: Drago       Age: 42  Sex: M



Email: Withheld   Goat name: Wop

Lately at work I have been wearing womens undergarments and find I get quite turned on by the feel of lace against my body. But the other day a fellow workmate noticed my apparel and said if I did not loan him some of my french knickers and garter belts that he would reveal my secret to all and I would become a laughing stock. I feel I cannot part with any of my expensive lingerie but I also don't want to become a target of ridicule.
Please help me I'm confused.

Cardinal Fang:

Dear Drago - Please don't feel guilty for wearing things that make you feel good. As for your work friend tell him not to be so tight fisted and to buy his own gear. If that doesn't work please forward his address and I will personally send the church police around to his house and have him nailed up.

p.s. By the way where do you buy all your french lingerie? 


Name: Anonymous      Age: ?  Sex: ?



Email: Not telling   Goat name: Anon

I have too many sins to confess but please help me - my vision is going blurry.

Cardinal Fang:

Dear Anonymous - The only advice we can give you is to always listen to what his emminence the pope says. And when he says "Stop it or you'll go blind" he really means it. 


Name: Roll it on Robbie      Age: 32  Sex: M



Email: Under Investigation   Goat name: Anthrax

Help me Father for I have sinned. The other day at the pet shop I deceived the man at the counter. He asked me why I so often came into the shop without ever buying something. I usually visit the pet shop at least 4 times a week. I told him that I secretly admired him because I couldn't reveal that I wantingly lusted after the hampsters in the window - not to mention the gerbils, the hermit crabs and all the other furry creatures.

Cardinal Fang:

Dear Roll it on Robbie - We at the Church feel that always telling the truth no matter how hard it is for you is always the right thing to do. Next time you're at the pet shop please be entirely frank with the owner. Don't worry if he doesn't understand you - we'll still converse with you when you're locked up.

Oh did you happen to notice if the pet shop had any cute goats for sale? 


Name: Mandy      Age: 17  Sex: F



Email: Withheld  Goat name: Innocence

Father this is my first time at confession so please be gentle with me. I am still a virgin - what can I do?

Cardinal Fang:

Dear Mandy - Have you ever thought of joining the church? You should be proud of your virginity and you must resist the temptations of the flesh at least until you are married. Temptation can be an awful thing - in fact the other night at the mud wrestling a curvaceous blonde with 2 of the biggest...... Sorry I digress. Be patient my child and bless you for your honesty.


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