Signs That You Have Had Too Much Of The 90's!!
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You now think of three espresso's as "getting wasted."
You no longer own a real deck of cards as solitaire, spade, and hearts are all played on the computer.
(I would have to say this one pertains to me. LOL!!)
Every commercial on TV has a website address at the bottom of the screen.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach a family of 3.
You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
The concept of using real money instead of credit or debit to make a purchase is foreign to you.
You e-mail you child in his/her room to tell him/her that dinner is ready, and he/she e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"(I admit, although regretfully, that my mom and I used to do this on the telephone when we had two lines and a two story house. The epitomy of laziness huh??)
Your daughter sells Girl Scout cookies via her websit.
A RESPONSE OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his Parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times.
Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door.
The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was notation "Genesis 3:10".
"Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and
froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the
light on
and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear
as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his
light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in
the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
If you are Obsessive-Compulsive........
.......Please Press "1" repeatedly
If you ARE CO-DEPENDENT..........
......please ask someone to press "2"
If you have multiple Personalitites......
.....please press "3","4","5", and "6"
If you are Paranoid-Delusional.......
...we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call
If you are Schizophrenic........
.....listen carefully, a little voice will tell you which number to press
If you are Manic-Depressive.......
....if doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
