First things first. Let's get a clearer view about BDSM, or at least try to. I know some people have a hard time grasping bigger circles don't fit into smaller squares. Why, I don't know and I'm tossing out any guesses.
BDSM is not just about getting someone all tied up and beating them senseless. It never has and never will be. I don't care what Y/you saw in whatever movie or read in a tabliod. People that practice BDSM are not rapists, psychos, or other nasty, monstrous types. Unfortunately, those types of people exit and give BDSM a bad name because of their moronic actions. Real BDSM is about the fulfillment of deep and primal needs. It is an act of love, not violence or anger. There is just something emotionally charging about the idea of surrendering or being in control and living out those oh so "dark" fantasies.
What do those letters stand for anyway? BDSM is an acromyn for Bondage & Disapline, Dominance & submission, and Sadocism & Masocism. A mouthful to be sure, but nothing Y/you the true believe cannae handle.
Ok, lets break this down into some catagories to bring the BDSM picture into view. Choosing a partner:
BDSM is not a solo art, at least not if Y/you believe in safety. You should have at least one other partner to safely
satisfy that urge. Whether Y/you are dominant or submissive, selecting the correct partner is important to E/everyone involved. Make sure that this P/person is S/someone Y/you have gotten to know well and that Y/you trust implicitly. This P/person should be made well aware of Y/your intentions and desires and should be 100% consenting. No
if's and's or but's. Be safe, sane and consentual or don't play, it's real simple like that.
Communication:
Proper communication is an absolute must. Talking to one A/another does not just start and end before a scene or act. Y/you should always be talking through out or giving signals of some kind if speech is being impaired because of tape or some other kind of gag. Make sure that E/everyone involved is aware at all times of how Y/you feel about what Y/you are doing or having done to Y/you. This is not necessarily going to kill spontaneity or ruin a 'scene' for A/anyone. True, it might slow it down some, but better safe than sorry. Before anything happens, be sure that you have a set of SAFE WORDS and/or signals ready. A safe word is a word or signal that has a definite meaning to the person(s) that hear it. Usually when the submissive has been pushed beyond the limit of what he or she finds pleasurable or feels he or she is in danger and needs the dominant to ease up or stop all together. If the word or signal is to stop, stop immediately! If Y/you cannae figure out why, Y/you shouldn't particiate in BDSM until Y/you know why. If Y/you get into a scene with A/another that feel safe words and/or signals are not important...LEAVE! Safe, sane and consentual
Mutual Support:
BDSM is a highly emotional activity. It can pushes both the Dominant(s) and submissive(s) to their respective emotional and sometimes physical limits. There will be times that B/both parties need the support, approval and love of the O/other. Never ridicule Y/your partner for not being capable of performing an act which is beyond T/their personal limits. Would Y/you want to laughed at for not being able to do something? Just say NO, W/we A/all know the truth. N/nobody likes to be laughed at for short comings. Spend time after Y/your scene being affectionate and receptive with Y/your partner(s). Talk about what Y/you liked and disliked. S/some of U/us just can't do some things. Likes and dislikes are individual to A/all of U/us. I'm sure most E/everyone has heard the phrase "What's good for the goose may not be good for the gander." It's pretty simple, don't do what Y/you didn't like, do a lot more of what Y/you did like*EG* and try some new things to expand Y/your limits.
Establishing Limits:
E/everyone has stuff T/they just don't like, hate even. So, in order to avoid those unpleasant things in life limits need to be set between Y/you and Y/your partner BEFORE starting a scene. Don't try and fool Y/yourself or Y/your partner, this could lead to an embarassing or dangerous situation. Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about what Y/you can and cannot handle or are willing to do. If you dislike being struck a certain way or with certain objects, let your dominant know this. If you don't, you might regret it later. Discuss these things honestly and openly with Y/your partner so that he or she knows what Y/you do and do not want. Once limits are set, if they cannae be respected by B/both then it is more than likely better not to do the scene until common ground can be reached and the limits respected, otherwise S/somebody may get hurt. What was that? Safe, sane and consentual, I thought so.
Safety
When Y/you dominate S/somebody, Y/you need to be
INCREDIBLY AWARE of EVERYTHING that is happening in the scene.
If you slack on this issue, you could end up seriously injuring your partner mentally or physically. Being a Dom/me does has it's rewards, but eternal vigilance is the (small)price Y/you pay for being in charge.
When tying up Your submissive, You have to pay close attention to how tight the rope is. Make sure that You do not cut off circulation or stretch the muscles too much. Ignoring this can lead to an embarrassing trip to the doctor's office, and possible permanent damage to nerves.
When using handcuffs, the standard handcuffs can sometimes cut the nerve of sensation from the wrist to the thumb. Handcuffs that don't have a small chain between them are usually attached to each other by a hinge. These cuffs can fold together opening up the possiblity of a broken wrist(s) should the wearer fall down. Becareful!
