*

"Boo." Mulder said to Scully, as he stepped out onto the rooftop. Suddenly, Krycek appeared. "Krycek." Mulder snarled. "AHAAHAHAHA!!" Krycek said, diabolically rubbing his hands together. Suddenly, Krycek grabbed the cameraman and camera and ran off with them. He was stealing the movie.

Krycek forced the cameraman into his car and they sped away. After a couple of hours, they stopped and got out in the country side. "Now, this movie is going to be about ME!" Krycek said, grinning wickedly. "Let's see, what shall I do with my new spotlight?" Krycek asked. "Uh, you could go try to execute some sinister plot, you know, it might be exciting." The cameraman, Joe, suggested. Krycek looked at him, annoyed. "Did I ASK you?!?" Krycek snapped. "Fine. Just do something before we run out of film." Joe said. "Krycek put his real hand to his chin and pondered. "Well, uh, just start rolling!" Krycek said, trying to be menacing. Joe started the camera up and filmed Krycek's snarling face. "Oh, hi, everybody! Now, don't panic just becauce Mulder and Scully aren't here. It's me, Alex Krycek! They weren't even gonna put me IN the movie. Well, I'll show them!" Krycek said, smiling. "Uh, oh, look! Ponies!" Krycek said, and began to run towards some ponies chewing grass. "Now, get a good shot of me running." Krycek called back to Joe. "Yheah, yheah." Joe said. Krycek threw himself over the wooden fence and headed towards the ponies. He put his hand on one of them. There was a long pause. "This is a pony." Krycek said, trying to smile, as sweat beaded up on his skin. "We can see that." said Joe. "Shut up! Don't forget, I have this gun. So you do what I say, or I'll waste you. SEE? Now, uh, well, how about if I ride the pony? Yheah. Ok, Joe, now this is going to be exciting." Krycek said, climbing ontop of the white animal. "Giddyup." Krycek said, kicking the creature slightly. The pony ignored him, and continued chewing the grass. "Look, you stupid midget horse, MOVE!!" Krycek said, slapping the pony's rear end. The pony sat down, and Krycek fell off.

Joe laughed. Krycek menacingly waved his gun back and forth, as a warning. I know, all it needs is a carrot. Give me a carrot, Joe." Krycek said, extending his hand expectantly at the cameraman. "Sorry, fresh out." Joe said. Krycek frowned. "Rats!" he said, kicking a pebble across the dirt. Suddenly, his face lit up. "I know!" said Krycek, extending his index finger to the sky. Krycek pulled up some flowers and held them in front of the pony's face. "Enjoy!" Krycek said, as the animal chomped the flowers. "There, see? Now it likes me." Krycek said, happily. Krycek got back on the animal's back and it began to trot forward. "Isn't this great??" Krycek smirked. "This is gonna be the smash hit of the summer!" he cheered. "Yheah, I'm sure." Joe mumbled. "What shall I call my new pal? Hmm....what about...Muldore? Yes!" Krycek said, staring into the distance.

Krycek cleared his throat and tried to act cool. "Um, now, onward, Muldore!" he said, briskly. The pony frolicked through the feild with Krycek riding haudily on it's back. Then it fell over from the weight of the man. Krycek grunted. "Nice." Joe said, chuckling slightly. "Be quiet!" Krycek fumed, getting up and grabbing the camera from Joe. "Hey!" Joe said. "I'm going to film myself, now." Krycek said, pointing the camera at himself. He looked at his reflection in the lens and then patted his hair. Then he smiled. "Ahem. Well, now, as you can see, I'm in a feild. Uh...now I'm going to go back to the car." Krycek said. "You should do something exciting, you fool!" Joe said, as they walked back. Krycek turned around angrily. "FINE!" Krycek said, propping the camera up on it's tripod and slugging Joe across the jaw. "That's not what I meant!" Joe cried, as Krycek punched him again. "There, now that's exciting, isn't it?? Action!!" Krycek said. "You need a plot, you idiot!" Joe groaned, writhing on the ground. Krycek thought about that.

"Ok." Krycek said. "I'll be saving the world...from you!" Krycek smiled. "Get up! You terrorist!" Krycek said, pulling Joe up. "You see everybody, I'm not such a bad guy! Heck, I'm a hero!" Krycek beamed into the camera. "Now, you evil terrorist, film me as I stroll back to the car." Krycek said, turning up his nose and striding back to the car.

"Get in, evil Joe!" Krycek said. "I'm going to save the world, and they shall crown me king." Krycek said, a strange, excited look coming to his eyes. "AHAAHAHA!!" Krycek said, starting up the engine.

Soon, they arrived at a 7 Eleven. Krycek got out and looked into the camera. "Now, Joe, this is your secret headquarters, ISN'T IT??" Krycek said. "Uh, yheah, sure." Joe said. "Good. Now get in there and start talking about how you're going to kill everybody. Move it, I haven't got all day." Krycek said, eyes wide in prompting. He shooed Joe towards the store. "Oh, give me the camera." Krycek said, taking the camera. "Now go." Krycek said, filming Joe opening the door and walking inside the building.

"Kuhn I hehlp yu?" asked the man at the register. "Do it!" Krycek said to Joe, who sighed deeply and stepped up to the cash register. "Evil comrad, tonight I will kill everyone in the world with my terrorist actions." Joe said. "That's it!! That's right!!! Ok, that's enough...Uh, you there, Apu, come hold the camera while I stop Joe and save everybody." Krycek said. "Iy'm surry, buht ju moost lev!" Apu said, frowning. Krycek pulled his gun. "Look, you, I'm gonna be the big hero, see? Now get over here and film us!" Krycek said stabbing at the air with his gun. Apu begrudginly walked over and took the camera. "Now start setting up the bomb, Joe." Krycek commanded, then he cackled with an almost exploding joy in his devious scheme to become the grand crowned idol of the world. Joe looked at him for a moment, then Krycek cleared his throat. "Go on, then!" Krycek urged. "Ya know Joe, I'm gonna win Oscars for acting, writing, and directing for this. And when I'm worshipped by the masses, heck, I'll even by you a little house to live in!" Krycek beamed, merrily. "Now move it!" he ordered.

Joe was behind the counter now, blindly pushing buttons on the cash register. "Well, here I am setting up the bomb which will destroy the world." Joe said flatly. "With flavor, fool!" Krycek hissed. "Oh, screw you, it's my time to shine!!" Krycek said, jumping over the counter and punching Joe out. "Never fear, masses! I, your new king, have saved you from the evil terrorist. That's right, cheer and bow! Aw, shucks! Golly, you all are so sweet. Tee hee. Go on, throw flowers! Oh, a crown? For me? Well of course it's for me! WAHAHAHAHA!!! Only I want a bigger one!! NOW!! That's right, kiss my feet. Very good. I am a hero! I, the brave conquerer, have rescued you all! See? I'm a good guy, a swell guy!" Krycek babbled, grinning. "Why, Mulder, of course I'll accept your worship. You can be my private maid." Krycek said, tears begining to well up in his eyes.

Suddenly, Apu threw the camera at Krycek's head, knocking him down. "This movie is going nowhere!" Joe exclaimed, punching Krycek in the stomach, getting up, and attempting to run out the door. Krycek grabbed the end of one of Joe's pant legs, pulling him back to the ground. "No you don't!" Krycek said, getting on Joe's back and trying to hold him down. Meanwhile, Apu called the cops. "Hey! Stop it!" Krycek said, taking his hand off Joe to get his gun. Joe broke free. "I'm outta here!" Joe said, running for the door. "Stop! Nobody leaves till my masterpiece is finished!!" Krycek exclaimed, shooting at Joe. Joe ducked quickly. Suddenly, Apu whacked Krycek over the head with the cell phone and grabbed the gun. "Dee police shall be her sun!" Apu snapped, holding the gun on Krycek, who pounding his fist to the ground in frustration. Joe tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. "I'm surry, bot the door must remain clused untill de police arriyve!" Apu said. Joe sighed and leaned agains the glass. They all sat there. "I'm kinda hungry." Krycek said, getting up and walking down an isle.

Krycek was pleased to see a cheese sandwich in the deli. He took it out and began to eat, his mouth watering intensely. Krycek was a bit delirious from the cheese, and he didn't notice the "wet floor" sign in front of him. So when he began dancing, he immediately slid on the slick surface, landing hard on his ass. "Aw, heck!" Krycek said, as he tried to get up. This didn't work so well, though and in fact, Krycek slipped again, this time flying across the floor and crashing right into Joe, falling on him. Joe grunted as Krycek tried to get up, and fell on him again.

Apu, meanwhile, was still filming, and laughing his ass off. Krycek got up, as did Joe. But Krycek's feet were still very slippery, and he slid again, knocking Joe forward, causing both of them to fall right into Apu. Curses could be heard all around. Not only that, but the camera slid out of Apu's hand, landing on the wet floor area. Apu went over to grab it, slipped, and crashed into the Slurpee machine. "Oh, dis is very gud!" Apu said, getting himself a Slurpee. "Watch out!!" Krycek cried, as Apu came hurling towards him. Apu slammed right into Krycek, spilling his Slurpee on Krycek's head. "You fool! My hair!" Krycek seethed, as the gun flew from Apu's hand and smashed through the glass doorway. "A way out!" Krycek beamed, running towards the glass and breaking it further with his prosthetic arm. Krycek climbed through and ran away.

"Well, look on the bright side. You can always send in the tape to one of those funny videos shows." Joe said. "Dat's true." Apu said. And so Apu sent in the tape, and he got 2,000 dollars. Krycek saw himself on tv, and was pleased. "Ah, fame. HAHAHA, *hack*, now I'm a big star! Bigger than you, Mulder and Scully! I wonder if Mulder is watching this." Krycek said, stuffing some cheese cubes in his mouth.