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Mulder's Paranoia Enhancement Kit.

Kit includes:

*Mulderisms To Live By* Description: Lots of Mulderisms from the man with the plan. You will be inspired by Mulder's Own paranoia assertiveness quotes such as "It's not paranoia if you're right", "Sometimes the only response to an insane world is insanity", and the ever-popular "Trust no one".

*Excercises To Enhance Paranoia* Description: Activities you can do, such as this: Excercise #41: Sit alone on your couch at night. Be perfectly still, and make sure there is as little noise and light as possible. Stay there, don't move a muscle. After several minutes, start to imagine that there are things that are coming to get you. The government, aliens, mutants, old nemesis, whatever. Can you hear them at the window? Can you see something moving in the corner? They want you dead. Because you won't be led like the rest of the sheep. You're on to them. They're coming for you! Keep this up for exactly 42 minutes, and then, weapon in hand, sloooowly go to turn on the light.

*Mulderiffic Tips* Description: Words of caution, such as: Remember that you are ALWAYS being watched. And heard. They have set up equipment in your house. In your car. At your work. In the bathrooms. Possibly even in your brain. Reveal nothing.

*Tools To Assist You* Description: Contains several items to make your paranoia blossum. Among other things, you will recieve the MulderMan Door Answerer. While you hide behind the door, MulderMan, a tiny robot which looks like Mulder, will open your door for you. Once the door is open, MulderMan will let out a high pitch shriek-like sound, which will repeat until you shut it off. It does this in order to distract and disorient whoever is there. Well it does this, you pop out from behind the door and kill whoever is there(unless of course it's someone you TRUELY trust, and even then be very careful, it might not really be them).

This whole incredible kit can be yours for just $442! Order yours today....before it's too late!!!

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Scully Brand Encyclopedias.

No other encyclopedia is this thorough and informative! And no other has that special Scully feel. Everything is dictated straight from Scully's brain! This fantastic encyclopidia has that super Scully deliverance! The front and back covers both show photos of the skeptical scientist, pondering thoughtfully with one eyebrow raised. A jewel of a book for any home!

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Krycek Brand Hair Gel.

You have not experienced hair care until you have used Krycek Brand Hair Gel. This is the very gel Krycek used to use! No other hair gel globs on so thick and greasy, and no other has the Mark Of The Rat. Try some today, you won't be dissapointed!

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Skinner's Bald Head Wax.

There's nothing quite like Skinner's Bald Head Wax. If you don't have hair, that doesn't mean you have to miss out on fine products for making your head! This wax will make your scull shiney and spiffy. People will call you Mr.(or Ms.!) Clean! Your bare head will sparkle. Order TODAY!

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Scully's Wiggy Red Hair Magic Presto Dye For Skeptic Squirrels.

Now you too can achieve that "Too Red" look! You don't even have to be a skeptic! This fine product will work on all hair types, so buy some today! "If it's from Scully, you know it'll be gentle on yer scull"

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Byers Brand Ice Cream

Now is the time to bring home the sweet, creamy, delicious taste of Byers. These original recipies are "X-traoridinarily good", and will leave you wanting more! With flavors such as "Chocolate Coverup", "Secret Anicdote Swirl", and "Conspiracy Crunch", how can you resist? Don't even try!

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Ratboy Cheeses.

There's never been anything quite like Ratboy Cheeses. These gourmet delicacies will thrill and delight you beyond your wildest dreams. We have a large selection, including Chedder, Gouda, Feta, and Brie. Order now while supplies last, and remember, "Ratboy means excellence n Cheese!"

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Spooky's Sunflower Seed Products.

At last they have arrived! Spooky Mulder's favorite snack now has been used to create a wide variety of delicious confections, such as Muffy Muffins, Crispo Chips, and Refreshing Soda. At last, the unbelievable joy of Mulder can be yours! Order at once!

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Cancerman's Guide To Making Your Dreams Come True.

Have you ever had a personal dream? A private hope for your life? Well who better to tell you how to achieve those secret wishes than Cancerman? The Cigerette Smoking Man will show you the techniques, you put them into action. Just read this paragraph from the manual:

"You probably want something so bad you can taste it. Soon that taste will be replaced with the numb, disgusting stench of Morley's. Who cares. The point is, the way to succeed at your dream is to take awhile off from it, and go join a government agency. Do exactly as you're told. Do not resist, just go with the flow set by the men who now rule you. Remember, government knows best. Keep up your slavery and then later, why, everything will fall into your lap. Trust me."

The rest of the book is equally inspiring! Order now!

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Scully's Guide To Proper Pet Care.

Nobody knows how to take care of a pet like Scully. And that's why she's going to teach you how to take care of your pet. Scully will tell you the dos and don'ts of pet care. For example:

DO take your little pet with you EVERYWHERE that you go. They get lonely at home.

DON'T keep the little sweetie on a leash, ever. They need to roam free.

DO let your animal play with the other animals, esp. big carnivores. It's important that your pet learns not to fear.

All these tips and more can be yours today if you order this magnificant manuel. Doesn't YOUR pet deserve it?

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The Lone Gunmen's Album, "The Lone Gunmen"

The Lone Gunmen have finally wrapped their anticipated album, and now it is available EXCLUSIVELY through this catalouge! Those three wacky, conspiracy unraveling guys we all know and love wrote all the songs on the album, and their beautiful melodies and extraordinary singing will blow you away. This is music at it's finest. The album includes the soon to be smash hit, "Staying Alive In A World Of Conspiracy":

*Staying Alive In A World Of Conspiracy* With special guest vocalist FOX MULDER. This song features the lyrics, "Yhe-heah, when they know, that you know, too much of The Truth, you gotta make yourself all but bullet-proof, mmm-hmm, yheah, stayin' alive ain't no easy job, our government's worse than the mob, but with some work you'll come to see, how to stay alive in a world of conspiracy. Ah-ah-ah-ah, stayin' alive in a world of conspiraceeeeeeeyyy!!" (very, very softly) "My alien friend, my alien friend said, 'luap si daed'." (at this point there is a loud shriek which can clearly be identified as Mulder)

The album also includes....

*Three Ramblin' Dudes*, *Which Way Did That Alien Go?*, *Looky What The Gov'ment Did*, *Lone Gun*, *All For Naught*, and MANY MORE!

This album is expected to sell out very quickly, so order yours immediately!

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Mulder and Krycek's Workout Video, With PoundRat.

There's nothing quite as special as Mulder And Krycek's Workout Video, with PoundRat. You loved them in Tungasku, you adored them in Ascension, you respected them in The Red and The Black, you fucked them up in Crocodile, and now, those two mischievious lads are back!

Mulder leads the workout, with Krycek as his assistant. Since Krycek can't be at home with you, you get the PoundRat, a sturdy, upright doll*. Get a terrific and fun arobic workout, following along with Mulder as he strikes, slams, tackles, runs, headbutts, and more, with Krycek's assistance in every exercise!

*Doll does not resemble Krycek.

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New additions to the catolouge coming soon!