*

(Scully is walking down a dark alley way, when she suddenly hears a noise behind her. Scully turns around and sees Queequag's walking corpse.)

Scully: Oh God!

(Queequag springs into the air and attacks Scully)

Scully: Mmmf! Aarrgh! Get offa me, you mutt!!

(Mulder strolls up and pulls out his gun)

Scully: Mulder!

(Scully finally manages to throw Queequag's corpse to the ground. Mulder blows it away.)

Scully: Thanks, Mulder!

Mulder: Sure Scully....heheh...haha...WWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

Scully: Mulder?

(Mulder pulls off his face to reveal the evil Krycek)

Scully: Krycek!! You rat bastard, what are YOU doing here??

Krycek: I want to tell you something, Scully.

Scully: What???

(Krycek looks down)

Krycek: Well....

Scully: Spit it out, boy!!

Krycek: I LOVE YOU!!!

Scully, aghast: What???

(Krycek throws himself at Scully and starts trying to kiss her)

Scully: Get the hell away from me!!!

Krycek: PLease, my little red-haired angel! Ever since I first met you, I've longed to kiss your down-turned lips!!

Scully: Get off, damn it!!

(Scully shoves at Krycek's face, and then realizes that it is another mask. She rips it off)

Scully: CANCERMAN????

(Cancerman steps back, pulls out a Morely)

Cancerman: Yes, Agent Scully, it is I. I was just pretending to be in love with you so that you wouldn't shoot me.

Scully: But why the hell...

Cancerman: Don't ask questions! There's something very important I have to tell you.

Scully: WHAT??

Cancerman: Sit down, Agent Scully.

Scully: Just tell me.

Cancerman: I really think you need to sit down for this.

Scully: Oh, alright!

(They both sit down on the cold, wet ground. Cancerman takes a deeep breath)

Cancerman: You see, Scully....I'm pregnant. You're the father. Er, I mean, mother. Er....

Scully: ?

Cancerman: YOu see, Agent Scully, through some interesting alien technology you were instilled with during your abduction, and some more that I was instilled with during my various abductions, it is possible for this to occur. The aliens have used us as their lab rats, Scully. We did have sex, by the way, during an abduction you can't remember but I do vaguely.

Scully: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!

Cancerman: I'm dead serious, Agent Scully. Oh, I just felt the baby kick!

(Scully's face scrunches up in horror)

Scully: Hail Mary, full of grace....Oh SHIIIIIIITTT!!!!!

Cancerman: Here, I want you to be my wife.

(Cancerman approaces Scully with a ring)

Scully, panicked: GET AWAY FROM MEEEE!!!

(Scully slaps Cancerman's face, only to reveal that it is another mask)

Scully: Thank GOD!!!

(Scully rips off the mask)

Scully: FROHIKE???

Frohike: Scully, my little sweet pea, they've been torturing us!! The government abducted us and screwed us ALL up!!!

(Suddenly, Byer's and Langly's head's pop up next to Frohike's)

Scully: All your heads....they, they're on one body!!

Byers, sobbing: They really did a number on us!!

Langly: We'll never be the same!

(Scully reaches forward to see if they are masks. Hey, they are! Scully realizes that two of the heads are electronically controlled, and the third one is actually...)

Scully: Skinner??!

Skinner: Whoooaaah.

(Skinner falls over)

Scully: Sir?

Skinner: Where am I?

(Scully helps him up)

Scully: Sir, what happened?

Skinner: I...I don't know, Agent Scully. I was outback playing on my Slip & Slide, when suddenly I saw a strange light and felt a pounding in my ears. Now I'm here.

Scully: It's going to be alright. We'll figure this out...somehow...

Skinner: I don't know what's going on.

Scully: I understand, sir.

(Suddenly, Scully frowns. Skinner's head looks strange. There are lumps underneath the skin.)

Scully: Uh oh...

Skinner: Scully?

(Scully rips off the mask)

Scully: FlUKEMAN???

Flukeman: That's right, damn it!! Do you think I LIKED being chopped in half?? I wanted to get my revenge on Mulder, and now I have!! Nyahahahahahaha!!!

(Scully reaches forward to see if it's another mask. It's not!! It's really Flukeman!!)

Scully: WHat? What??? How....How...

Flukeman: HAHAHAH!!! You thought you knew my powers, but you didn't!! When I was killed, it only made me STRONGER, and more intellegent!! Now I can talk and cook up crazy schemes and execute them magically!!! NAAAYAYAYAYAYAY!!

Scully, angrily: WHERE IS MULDER?!!

Flukeman: Why, Agent Scully, you don't know?

(Flukeman points towards the still, silent Queequag's corpse)

Scully: Oh no!! Mulder!!! NO!!!

(Scully rushes to the small creature and checks for signs of life. Nothing. Scully begins to sob as she cradles the fluffy, decomposing critter that is really Mulder.)

Flukeman: And now....AND NOW YOU SHALL BE MY BRIDE!!!

Scully: Never!!

(Scully reaches for her gun and shoots Flukeman)

Flukeman: You can't kill me, you puny mortal!

(Flukeman approches Scully with menace in his eyes. Flukeman grabs Scully and throws her over his shoulder, then heads off. Suddenly, Queequag's corpse twitches. Scully sees this, but realizes that dead bodies often twitch. Flukeman carries Scully up ontop a building.)

Flukeman: Now, my dear....

(Flukeman rubs his hands together evily)

Scully: Get away from me, you red eyed, stucco Pillsbury Doughboy, plunger mouth!!

Flukeman: YOu will not talk to me like that, damn it!!

Scully: You'll never get away with this!!

Flukeman: HAHAHAHAHA!!

(Flukeman approaches Scully again, when suddenly...)

Mulder: GET AWAY FROM HER!!

Scully: Mulder!!! Thank God you're alive!

Flukeman: Yooou! I thought you were dead!

Mulder: I was dead, now I'm back! And you're goin' down, sewer boy!

(Flukeman pulls a gun but Mulder dives for his ankles and knocks him down. Scully takes the guns. Mulder beats the daylights out of Flukeman.)

Mulder: You hurt me, that's one thing, but you touch Scully, you die!!

Flukeman: I wasn't going to hurt her, really....!

(Mulder pounds Flukeman)

Mulder: And, I'll teach you to rip off my "back from the dead" bit!!

Flukeman: Ooof!

(Suddenly, Flukeman rolls over and is ontop of Mulder.)

Mulder: Aaargh, your breath is horrible!!

Flukeman: Now I've got you!!

(Suddenly, Scully kicks Flukeman hard in the side)

Flukeman: Ooow!

(Scully kicks him again)

Flukeman: Ooowowoo!

(Mulder pushes Flukeman over the edge of the building, but Flukeman holds onto Mulder's arm and tries to pull him down with him. Scully hits Flukeman's hand with the gun and he let's go, plummeting to the ground.)

Mulder: He's not dead.

Scully: I know.

(They both climb down the building and Scully handcuffs Flukeman)

Mulder, panting: Are you alright?

Scully: Yheah. Are you alright?

Mulder: Yheah.

(Mulder and Scully smile at eachother as Flukeman squirms beneath the foot Mulder has on him.)

Scully: I'll call for back up.

Mulder: Ok.

(Soon, Flukeman is being arrested)

Mulder: Bye bye, Flukey!

Flukeman: I'll get you both for thiiiiisss!!! I'll get yooooouu!!!

(Flukeman strains to get at Mulder and Scully. Scully punches Flukeman.)

Flukeman: Gawk!

(Mulder and Scully look at eachother and sigh with relief. Then they smile and get in their car.)

Scully: But why did you attack me, Mulder? When you were Queequag's corpse, I mean.

Mulder: Actually, Scully, that wasn't me. I think the corpse was under psychic control. I wasn't transformed into Queequag's corpse untill the instant it was blown away.

Scully: Oh.