I have always wondered what it was like to die. The questions have always been on my mind. Is there an after life? Is there a heaven or hell? Devil or God? Angels with wings? Questions that at one time seemed so ridiculous to me because I never really thought that I would really actually get the answers to.
Never the less my time did come when the answers to these questions became a reality. Only a little sooner than I really wished. It seemed like only yesterday when I was hanging out at the mall or ordering pizza and watching movies with my friends. That is probably because it was only yesterday that I was alive and well with my friends.
Am I dead? Technically, yes. My body at this moment is being examined because cause of death is mysterious and unknown. No medical explanations can reveal how I truly died. Though dozens witnessed it, only one person knows the truth on how my death came about.
I have yet to get all the answers to all of my questions except two. The first is yes, there is an after life because if there wasn't I wouldn't be telling you this right now. The second question was: Are there really angels? Of course, many different kinds. Good and bad. There are the kind with wings and flowing, snowy white gowns, and glowing faces radiant with beauty. There are also kinds that many people don't even realize exist. There are the kind that you cannot see, but because of the miracles they perform, you know they do exist. These are the out of body angels. They exist only in spirit. They come and go as we need them. Some also call them guardian angels.
Then there are the enter spirit angels. They actually take the form of a person that everyone can see, but they don't realize or can't tell that they are angles. Sometimes the angels themselves don't realize that they are angels until their time comes when they are needed.
Actually, there are stages after a person first dies that they go through to become angels. First, they must have accepted Jesus into their hearts during their time on earth. When they first cross over they become the inner spirit angel. Then they become the out of body angel. Then they must "earn their wings." Compared to how many people have died there are actually very few angles with wings. Most choose to stay as the out of body angels. I am still learning about the process.
In my case, I was the inner spirit type of angel, but I didn't know this until today. I thought I was just a normal teenage girl living a normal teenage life. Little did I know that I was actually put on earth to change at least one person's life forever.
What was my whole life like? Well, let me start with the basics first. I am a seventeen year old senior in high school. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, but then again I'm far from garbage. I have light blond hair that drops just below my shoulders, but I wear it back because of how thick it is. I have large, round light blue eyes which I believe are my best feature. Along with that, I have a huge smile with big white teeth which takes up my whole face. My skin is a pearly white which burns easily during the summer. I guess I was the typical blond haired, blue eyed teenage girl. I'm popular with the guys, but much to my dismay ~ only as friends.
I was a really talented athlete. I'm the star point guard on my high school team. I ran track at one point, along with cross country. Before I hurt myself I was an excellent soccer player. I am never afraid to be alone as long as I know I am loved. I spend my spare time writing stories and poetry or drawing peoples names really cool or sometimes even there faces. If you can catch me at the right time you can hear my vocal talent in the shower. Lets just say I was never bored.
I had many friends, but only a handful that I would consider my close friends. These are the only friends that I hang out with outside of school. They are the only friends I trust. I would almost certainly consider them all my best friends. These friends are my life because without them there would be no me. There are four of them.
First, there is Tracie. She is a special ed teacher at my school and also my FCA
sponsor. It was actually at FCA that we met. She is a 27 year old teenager. She is a lot of
fun to hang out with, but at the same time I know I can turn to her with any problem. She
is married and has a four year old daughter named Cierra. Her sister, Selma, is also one
of my closest friends. Selma is 19 years old and is the receptionist at my school. She is
just an awesome friend. She's funny and silly, but can be very serious and understanding
when needed to be. We spend hours at a time on the phone talking about everything.
We've laughed, cried, and every now and then I manage to get her mad at me. What are
friends for. Her boyfriend is in the Marines. Then there is Angie and Orlando. Both I met
through Selma and are a lot of fun to hang out with. Orlando is an idiot at times and
Angie is an E.C.A. or P.T.A. or some medical something or other. She is very handy in
case one of us chokes. It is one of these four that I was sent to help, but in reality I
believe I touched them all in one way or another.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
My story begins on a Friday morning. It was the day of our last district game and the last game of my high school career. I don't think I have ever been so pumped in my life. I ran into Selma's office just before 9:00 am.
"Hey, How's it going?" I asked gasping for air. "Coming to my game tonight?"
"Of course. What time is it?" she asked smiling.
"7:30, I think, but I never know until right before the game starts," I replied laughing."You're such a dork Mary," she said, but she couldn't help but laugh, too.
"I know, but a cool one," It was our usual 'You're a dork' conversation. I glanced at the clock and it said 9:04. I was about to be late. "Uh oh, gotta go. The court is calling. Maybe I'll stop by later," I said on my way out the door.
I ran into Tracie on my way to the gym. She greeted me with a big smile and an even bigger punch in the shoulder.
"OUCH! Nice to see you too," I said rubbing my arm. "How is life treating you, Tracie?"
"Crappy, but what else is new?" she laughed. "Actually, pretty good. You?"
"Great!" I replied. "But not for long if I'm late to athletics. Gotta go. Going to my game right?" I asked.
"Wouldn't miss it. See ya later, Mary."
The rest of my day was uneventful. It was an "A" day and I only have one real
class which is Economics. Other than that I am an office aid one period then I have an off
period, so my day was easy. I spent my office aid class thinking about the game and
running a few errands. I did go visit Selma again, but not for long. Economics was a
breeze. We took one page of notes and then played cards the rest of the period. I spent
my off period in Selma's office talking to her and doing the mail. When I could I would
sneak in and pay Tracie a visit.
I spent the time between the end of school and 6:00 PM sitting in the hallway by the gym eating a Delaware sub that my dad brought me. Selma and Orlando were sitting with me. Orlando sat by himself playing my stupid hand held solitaire game. I sat next to Selma. She actually ended up eating most of my sandwich.
"Hey, let me have another bite of you sub," she said while ripping another chunk off.
"Take the rest. I'm not very hungry. I guess I'm a little nervous," I sighed.
"You still get nervous before your games?" she asked.I nodded. "Sometimes I get so nervous I'm sick to my stomach. I just have this feeling that this is going to be a game I will never forget."
"Well, duh. It is your last game of your senior year," she said.
"I think it is something more," I smiled at her. "You never know. I am so glad you guys are going to my game. It is so good to know you guys are there for me no matter how good or bad I do."
"What are friends for?" she smiled and the looked down slowly. I could tell a very serious question was about to be asked. "Are you afraid of death?" she asked softly still looking down.
The question caught me off guard. It took me a minute to think of an answer. I had really never thought about it before.
"I guess not. Well, what I am afraid of is not actually dying, but rather being forgotten after I am gone." I paused for a response from her. Nothing. "What about you? Are you afraid of death?" I asked seriously.
Orlando glanced up at me, but he had no idea what was going on. He was so into the game.
She finally looked at me. Her eyes were watering.
"I'm scared to death of dying. I'm afraid of missing something or not being missed," she sighed. "I really don't think you have to worry about being forgotten. I'd miss you," she said smiling, but her eyes were terribly sad.
"You'd be surprised what you would forget after a while." I forced a laugh. "Boy, this conversation got a little too serious. What brought that up anyway?"
"I don't know. Just curious I guess." She turned to Orlando. "Hey O. What time is it? We need to pick up Angie at 6:30 PM." He didn't answer. "ORLANDO!" she yelled.
Finally he looked up.
"What? Oh, it's five till six." He sat up. "I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat before we go pick up Angie."
"Fine." she said then turned to me. "We gotta go, but we will see you tonight." We all stood up. She gave me a quick hug. "Good luck," she whispered. "I'm sure you'll make a difference tonight."
"Don't I always," I said laughing only half kidding. "See ya later. Bye O."
I watched them leave. Selma's brown ponytail bouncing side to side. She looked
so small standing next to Orlando, almost fragile. She turned one last time and waved. I
waved back still thinking about how fragile she was. "I sure am glad she has Orlando to
watch over her," I told myself.
During the Junior Varsity game I sat by myself. Everyone else was sitting together acting dumb. I never could to that before a game.
I couldn't get my mind off of the conversation that I had with Selma earlier. It was just odd how the question came up. Something must have been bothering her. I decided that the next chance I got I would ask her about it.
Half time of the JV game rolled around. I was finally out of my daze and was actually getting really pumped for the game. During the shoot around I was on fire.
Finally we went to the locker room to change into our uniforms. I remember the room was so full of energy. It seemed to be flowing through our veins instead of blood.
Even though I was excited I was quiet, calm. Everyone was yelling, cheering, and singing stupid songs. I was just in my zone ~ mentally preparing myself for the game. On the outside I was at ease, but on the inside I was ready to explode with excitement.
Just before it was time to go we said our prayer. We lined up to run out. Just then coach came in and pulled me to the side.
"Hey Mary. Come over here," she said. I walked over and she put her hand on my shoulder. "I'm counting on you to be ready for this game. I'm counting on you to get pumped up and help carry the team." She pulled away from me and looked down for a moment. The pause seemed to last for and eternity. Finally she looked up at me. Her eyes were watery, but not out of sadness. "I'm proud of you. I know it seems like I am always on your butt and yelling at you, but I do it because I know I can get the most out of you that way. I know that life itself has been very rough on you, but you have handled it with true conviction. What ever happens tonight, I just want you to know that I am very proud of you. You're really going to go somewhere in life. Now get out there. You're favorite fans are screaming for ya." She gave me a quick hug and said, "Good Luck."
I took off out into the gym. The Junior Varsity game was over and the rest of my team was waiting for me so we could run out and do our warm up. I should have been used to the fans and the bright lights and how loud it was, but when I walked out to the court I was in absolute awe. Everything just seemed to be so radiant and seemed to be glowing. Even the people in the crowd had an aura around them.
As I stood in line waiting for our cue to run out, I looked up at Selma, Tracie, Angie, and Orlando. All of them were screaming at me. All except Selma. She stood there, smiled, and then waved. I waved back and then I jumped up and down as the team ran out on the court. I don't think I had ever been so ready in my life.
The music seemed to get into my heart and soul. The beat seemed to pulse through my veins. I had SO much energy.
Right before the game started we sang the National Anthem. I just kept thinking to myself that this was the last time that I was ever going to sing this song in this gym. It brought tears to my eyes.
Now it was time to play. We were all set up for the tip off. I looked up at Selma and Tracie one last time. Now Selma was getting into it. They were doing some weird dance that I think they made up. I smiled and then turned back just in time to see our center tip the ball back to me. It had begun.
The first half went very well. We were only behind by five, but that was because our shots weren't falling. Our turnovers were very low and our press was working well.
I was dead tired as we all stumbled into the locker room at half time. Coach went over our strategies and plays for the second half. We knew exactly what needed to be done in order to win this game.
After the half time break, I walked out onto the court. I looked up at Selma and my heart sank. She was sitting alone and looking ghostly pale. She had her head down in her lap and even from where I was standing I could see her tremble.
I looked up at the clock and saw that we had five minutes left in the half time. More than enough for me to go and talk to her.
She barely glanced up at me when I approached, but when I spoke she tried to smile.
"Selma are you all right?" I sat down next to her and put my arm around her shoulders. "My God, your burning up!"
"I think I got the flu or something," she managed to say.
"But you were fine during the game," I replied worried to death. "Oh, you know how the flu can just surprise you when you least expect it," she tried to take a deep breath, but failed. "Don't worry about me now. You've got a game to win." She motioned for me to go back down with the team. "Tracie will be back soon. They went to get me some water."
"Oh, Selma. Why do you always have to be so unselfish?" I stroked her hair.
"Because this is your time. I don't want to take away from your glory," she said quietly.
I squeezed her shoulders.
"If you need anything, I'm always here for you." I saw tracie coming back so I got up to leave.
"Thanks," she said as she tried to smile. I ran back down to my team.
By the end of the third quarter we were only a point behind and we were on a roll. Finally there was one minute left in the fourth quarter and we were tied. My coach called a time out.
She pulled me aside and said,
"We are going to run 'M.J.' Make this last shot count. The crowd is counting on you, your team is counting on you, and so am I. You can do it, just believe. If there is any trouble we have one time out left and don't you hesitate to use it." she patted me on the back and I will never forget the last words she ever said to me. "Always keep the faith."
Just before the time out was over I glanced up at Selma. She seemed to have been hanging in throughout the whole game, but now things looked really bad. She was now laying on her back and Tracie looked really scared. She was holding Selma's hands. Selma had so many blankets on her. Tracie mouthed the words 'She'll be fine.'
I was scared and I wanted desperately to run up to her, but the time out was over.
'M.J. was a stall play. We stalled for as long as we could and then when the time came I took the ball to the top, let everyone clear out, and then I take my man one on one to score.
The stall part went well. Then when it came time for my part I took the ball up to just above the three point line. I looked up at Selma. Tracie, and Orlando were carrying her down the stairs. Her eyes were closed and she wasn't moving. Tracie was crying and Orlando looked scared. I glanced around the stands and everyone was watching them. The words 'If you have any trouble call a time out' kept echoing through my head. I don't know what made me do it, but I did.
"Time out, ref," I called out. The ref blew his whistle and I dropped the ball and took off running. I ran by my teammates. I ran right by my coach and the rest of the bench and I ran right to Selma who was being laid on the bottom bleacher.
Tracie was sobbing quietly and said, "Sh-Sh-She's unconscious and she is barely breathing. What is wrong with her?" she asked.
I just shook my head.
"Where is Angie?" I asked.
"Calling 911," said Orlando. He took Tracie aside to try to comfort her. It was obvious that she was about to lose it.
I walked up to Selma who was lying motionless on the bleachers. I took hold of her hand and knelt beside her.
"Selma. Come on Selma. Wake up," I whispered to her. I lightly touched her cheek. "You're going to miss my big moment." A single tear rolled down my cheek and landed on her pale face.
Suddenly her eyes fluttered and she slowly opened them. When she saw me she slowly smiled.
"Hey, did ya win?" she asked in a slow horse voice.
"No, I wasn't going to finish if you weren't going to be here to watch," I said trying to smile.
"I think I'm dying," she said without a smile. She closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath, but failed miserably. When she open them again she smiled and began to cry. "But you know what? I am not scared anymore. I know where I am going so I'm not scared." She coughed slightly.
"You're not going to die. You're just a little tired that's all." My voice was shaking and I failed terribly at trying to hide it. I knew she wouldn't be here much longer if I didn't do something soon.
I looked around at everyone. Everyone had stopped what they were doing and they just watched us. No one moved or said a word. They just stared. The world seemed to stop as my close friend slowly slipped away.
Then there was this voice that only I seemed to hear. It was soft and it seemed to float all around me.
"Would you die for her?"
I looked all around for who ever said it. All eyes were on me, but no one had said a word. Tracie had her head against Orlando's shoulder as she sobbed quietly.
"Would you die for her?" the voice said again. That was the last time I heard it. I looked back down at Selma. She was fading fast.
"Yes, I would die for you," I whispered quietly. "I would give my last breath so you could live even a little bit longer." I closed my eyes, squeezed Selma's hand, and prayed. "Lord, please give me the strength and courage to do what I need to do."
As Selma took her last breath, I leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and whispered,
"As Jesus died for me, I will die for you." My last words came out very slow as my last breath left me. My heart stopped beating and my eyes closed for the last time and as I felt myself die, I smiled one last time and then I was gone.
My head fell on top of Selma's chest and for a moment nothing happened. Everyone just watched as Selma's eyes fluttered. She then opened them and Selma took a deep breath sucking in her new found life.
"Look!" exclaimed Orlando stunned by what he just witnessed. "She's waking up. She's alive."
"What?" asked Tracie as she pulled away from him. She screamed with joy when she saw Selma opening her eyes. "Oh thank the Lord for this miracle!" She ran over to help her up, but then stopped short as Selma waved them away.
"I'm fine, just give me a minute so my eyes can adjust to the light." She tried to get up, but realized that she couldn't because of the weight on her chest. She tilted her head up and her eyes grew really wide when she say my lifeless body slumped over her.
She carefully lifted me off her and then she gently laid my body beside me and held my hand. She lightly touched my cheek and sighed,
"Oh, Mary. What would my life have been like without you? What will my life be like without now that you have been in it?" She leaned close to me and whispered soft enough to where no one else could hear. "I sure am going to miss your smiling face. Thank you, Mary. Because of the new life you have given me, there will always be a part of you in my heart and soul." She smiled as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "God is proud of you. You are an angel of a friend. I will never forget you for you will always be my angel, you will always be my Mary."
A piece of hair fell across my face and she gently stroked it back and kissed my forehead. She stood up and looked around at everyone. I don't think there was a soul in there that wasn't crying, except Selma. She just smiled at everyone. Everyone had slowly gathered around us. Selma bent down and gathered me in her arms and carried me through the crowd. She never once bowed her head in sadness, not once did she shed a tear that night. She was just proud to have even had me in her life.
Earlier that day Selma had gotten her test results back and she had a very rare disease that affected her heart, lungs, and caused a very high fever. It killed 78% of its victims within two days of infection. But when she was examined and tested again no diseases were found nor was anything else wrong. She was in perfect health. Her sudden recovery could not be explained. Nor could my sudden death.
"For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways"
~Psalm 91:11
"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act."
~Proverbs 3:27
The names were used for symbolic purposes.
Tracie - "Courageous" ; "Battler"
Selma - "Divinely Protected"
