Top Ten bad analogies in high school essays
10. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
9. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
8. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
7. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
6. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
5. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
4. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
3. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
2. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
1. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.