Top Ten things to teach during Fresher's week
10. Giving respect to your elders : knowing when to give up that phone, computer, etc.
9. Nutrition : if you don't know what's in it, don't eat it (those Doner Kebabs look kinda rough to me).
8. Student societies : they're out for your cash.
7. How to pack your bag quickly when sitting at the end of a lecture theatre row so that you don't hold up everydamnbody.
6. That it's not necessary to wear your most expensive clothes all the time, especially not at breakfast.
5. Deciding how much money you want from the cash machine before you go, not when it asks you.
4. The local community - they'll take your money even though they don't like you.
3. That not every other student is a fresher.
2. Dragging yourself out of bed : if you can't do it now, you're fucked when the time comes to get a job. Wit' yo' out-of-work ass.
1. Welcome to the rest of your life. GCSEs? A-Levels? Leave those at the door. They don't mean anything now...