The Top Ten Archive

Top Ten things that are against my religion

10. In-ear headphones : only to be used in times of desperation. You shouldn't stick anything in your ear which is smaller than your elbow. Besides, where's the bass?
9. Over-complicated computer systems that are allegedly powerful, stable and reliable but which 99% of the population will never, ever be able to operate correctly. I'm going to start a "Give computing back to the people" campaign...
8. Bottled water. Water falls out of the sky, I'm not paying for that stuff. You think if wide-screen TVs fell out of the sky people would pay for those? Hell no!
7. DVD region coding : So you're saying if I move out of Europe, all my films now stop working? I've got one word to comment on that and it's not one you'd use in polite company.
6. Doner Kebabs : No way am I eating those, what kind of animal gives a piece of meat that big with no bone? Those things spin in the window humming like sweaty lightsabres.
5. Bandai Corp.: It's thanks to them that the "Transformers" cartoon doesn't come on TV any more, so we got beef.
4. NBA "illegal defense" rule : It's a team's god-given right to defend their territory with any formation they so desire.
3. Rugby : Not allowed to pass the ball forwards? That goes against everything I stand for as a man :-)
2. Arms companies : "People are going to fight anyway," apologists cry. So if I sell a knife to one of two guys fighting in the street and he uses it, that's OK? Didn't think so...
1. CD "Turntables" : Ridiculous. Technically more complicated and less versatile than the vinyl-playing product, requiring less skill, yet more expensive? I suddenly feel ill.


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