Top Ten things that happen in kung-fu films
10. You have to declare your fighting style before you use it, kind of like calling your shot when playing pool.
9. Amusing marketplace scene, often with a poor fruit vendor getting his stall torn up.
8. Hero's teacher/father/whole family (delete as applicable) are murdered, forcing him to seek vengeance.
7. Kicks and punches make cool noises, especially when practicing alone at night.
6. Fight between hero and main villain halfway through film, which villain wins in mocking fashion.
5. Hero must learn kung-fu from unlikely looking teacher, e.g. cook, chess player, blind beggar.
4. Incredible facial hair is sported by the bad guy
3. Flashbacks to training during climactic fight sequence.
2. Hardcore training cunningly disguised as domestic chores...or is that the other way round?
1. Ass-whippings galore.