CHRISTMAS JOKES

Why are a lion at the beach and Christmas alike?

Because the lion has sandy claws.

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it soots him.

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

He likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

What can Santa give away and still keep?

A cold.

What does Santa use to raise corned beef and cabbage?

A knife and fork.

There is something at the North Pole that has many teeth but does not bite. What is it?

A comb.

What kind of fish does Santa find in a birdcage?

A perch.

Why do giraffes get Christmas gifts every year?

They are so good that they'll stick their necks out for anyone.

Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do?

Use a pen.

Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?

He wanted to sleep like a log.

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet
and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

Ribbon hood.

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?

Its true....Comet cleans sinks!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claus-trophobic.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

What do elves learn in school?

The Elf-a-bet.

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

Mistletoe!

Where do polar bears vote?

The North Poll

What nationality is Santa?

North Polish.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

We'll have a BOO Christmas without you.

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph?

Because every buck is dear to him.