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Happy Halloween!!
The pale October sun sinks low,
Projecting it's unearthly glow
Upon a spooky evening show --
A thrilling chilling sight!
The jack-o-lanterns lear and scowl
The gnarly trees all moan and howl
Bat wings whirr and black paws prowl
And ghostly shapes take flight!
What eerie magic can this be?
There's really no dark mystery
For anyone can plainly see --
It's Halloween Night!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Gouliet.
Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What's a ghost favorite dessert?
Boo-berry pie.
What's a ghost's favorite ride at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster.
Where do ghosts go shopping?
Boo-tiques.
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
H ayrides and hexes, hobgoblins and haunts
A liens out on their nocturnal jaunts
L it jack-o-laterns that flicker and glow
L oud, loony laughter that floats to and fro
O minous ogres and owls hooting "Whoooooo"
W itches concocting their famoun brew
E evening excursions to share tricks and treats
E eys smiling slyly behind masks and sheets
N eighborhoods teeming with nightlife galore
May Halloween bring all these pleasures and more!
What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sleeping Beauty?
Tired blood!
Where does Dracula usually eat his lunch?
At the casketeria.
Where does Dracula water ski?
Lake Erie.
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get any sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I scream.
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do you call a ghosts' mistake?
A boo-boo.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal?
A boo-tie.
Tonight is the night when dead leaves fly
like witches on switches across the sky.
When else and sprite flit through the night
on a moony sheen.
Tonight is the night when the leaves make a sound
like a gnome in his home under the ground.
When spooks and trolls creep out of the holes,
all mossy and green.
Tonight is the night when pumpkins stare
through sheaves and leaves everywhere.
When ghoul and ghost and goblin host
dance around their Queen...
IT'S HALLOWEEN!!!!!!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day scare centers.
Why did the baby ghost go to the doctors before Halloween?
To get a boo-ster shot.
What do witches use to style their hair?
Scare spray.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They are afraid they will fly off the handle.
What is the mummy's favorite music?
Wrap music.
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wrap.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
What do you get when you cross a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
How do you mend a Jack-o-Lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
What do evil chickens produce?
Deviled eggs.
Ghosts Night Out
Ghosts go out
On Halloween night.
They play tricks on people
And give them a fright.
They rattle their chains
And moan 'till its light.
They have so-o-o much fun
On Halloween night.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
Decomposing.
Where do most werewolves live?
Howl-lywood.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Why did the doctors tell the zombie to get some rest?
He was dead on his feet.
What do you say to a ghost with the three heads?
Hello, hello, hello.
What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A boo-loney sandwich.
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.
What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A wash-and-werewolf.
Advise on How To Sleep Well on Halloween Night
The thing to remember when you go to bed
Is hang strings of garlic high over your head,
So werewolves and vampires won't come to call.
In fact you won't get many callers at all!
'Cause garlic is smelly, besides its success
With magical creatures who visit distress
On humans who read scarey stories at night,
And sleep in their bedrooms without a night-light.
The thing to remember when you go to bed
Is putting a cross at your foot and your head,
'Cause witches and vampires bats are religious
And touching a sign like a cross gives them hideous
Goosebumps and warts, hives, the welts and the itches,
Which nobody likes, even vampire bats and witches.
But try not to toss or turn in your bed!
If you kick off the crosses you're gonna wake the dead.
The thing to remember when you go to bed
Is watch out for goblins who munch on your head.
What stops them is water, so ask for a glass,
Then pour it around so the goblins can't pass.
Or else make a run for the bathroom and turn
On the hot and cold faucets and watch the goblins squirm.
As a last chance, since goblins all fear running streams,
If you don't own a bathroom, dream water-filled dreams.
So--that's my advise. Now just turn off the light
Hope you sleep well the next Halloween Night!!
Top Ten Advantages Of Being A Vampire...
10.) Get to party all night and sleep all day.
9.) Unlimited snack opportunities -- the world is your wet bar.
8.) Black cape adds a nice touch of drama while hiding figure flaws.
7.) Sharp fangs eliminate the need for can opens and some power tools.
6.) Ability to change into a bat is handy when salesmen come calling.
5.) No long waits at crowded airports.
4.) Always a big winner at the "Guess Your Age" booth at county fairs.
3.) Sexy Transylvanian accent makes even the lamest pick-up lines sound interesting.
2.) No more problems with mirrors making you feel that you look heavy.
And the number one advantage...
1.) "Lifetime" membership at the local health club is a real bargain.
What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.
What is a witch with poison ivy called?
An itchy witchy.
Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.
Where do vampires live?
In the Vampire State Building.
Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
The whatwolves and the whenwolves.
What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel.
What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
I don't know, but it's great at chasing submarines!
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.
Why are black cats such good singers?
They're very meowsical.
What's a cold, evil candle called?
The wicked wick of the north.
The Thirteen Days of Halloween
On the first day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
a vulture in a dead tree.
On the second day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the third day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
three hissing cats,
two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the fourth day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
four giggling ghosts,
three hissing cats, two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the fifth day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
five skeletons a-rattling,
four giggling ghosts, three hissing cats,
two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the sixth day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
six owls-a-screeching,
five skeletons a-rattling, four giggling ghosts,
three hissing cats, two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the seventh day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
seven pumpkings glowing,
six owls-a-screeching, five skeletons a-rattling,
four giggling ghosts, three hissing cats,
two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the eighth day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
eight monsters shrieking
seven pumpkings glowing, six owls-a-screeching,
five skeletons a-rattling, four giggling ghosts,
three hissing cats, two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the ninth day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
nine ghosts-a-booing
eight monsters shrieking, seven pumpkings glowing,
six owls-a-screeching, five skeletons a-rattling,
four giggling ghosts, three hissing cats,
two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the tenth day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
ten goblins gobbling
nine ghosts-a-booing, eight monsters shrieking,
seven pumpkings glowing, six owls-a-screeching,
five skeletons a-rattling, four giggling ghosts,
three hissing cats, two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the eleventh day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
eleven bats a-swooping
eight monsters shrieking, seven pumpkings glowing,
six owls-a-screeching, five skeletons a-rattling,
four giggling ghosts, three hissing cats,
two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
On the twelfth day of Halloween
my boogie bear gave to me
tweleve cauldrons boiling
eleven bats a-swooping, ten goblins gobbling,
nine ghosts-a-booing, eight monsters shrieking,
seven pumpkings glowing, six owls-a-screeching,
five skeletons a-rattling, four giggling ghosts,
three hissing cats, two trick or treaters,
and a vulture in a dead tree.
The History of Halloween
About 2,000 years ago, people called Celts lived
in Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. Their new year did not
begin on January 1, it began on November 1. So October 31
was their New Year's Eve.
The Celts believed that ghosts and goblins and witches
walking the earth on October 31. These spirits terrified
the Celts. The people believed that if they dressed up in
costume the spirits wouldn't recognize them.
When the Romans conquered the Celts, the traditions of the
two different people were brought together and some of them
were conbined.
For the Romans, November 1 was an important holy day called
All Hallows.
Eventually October 31, the day before All Hallows, became knows
as All Hallows E'en(evening). That is the day we celebrate
Halloween.
What does a goblin shop for?
Gross-eries.
How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.
What do you call serious stones?
Grave stones.
Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
She had to give a screech.
What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
Lemon n' Slime.
Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on his coffin break.
How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
By scare plane.
How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
By witchful thinking.
What's a ghouls favorite cereal?
Rice Creepies.
Why did the witch's mail rattle her?
It was a chain letter.
History of the Jack-o-Lantern
In Ireland, where Halloween began, the first jack-o-lanterns
weren't made of pumpkins. They were made of rutabagas,
potatoes, turnips or even beets!
There is old Irish legend about a man named Jack Stingy
who was too mean to get into heaven and played too many
tricks on the devil to go to hell. When he died, he had
to walk the earth, carrying a lantern made out of a turnip
with a burning coal.
Stingy Jack became known as "Jack of the Lantern," or
Jack-o'-lantern."
From this legend came the Irish tradition of placing
jack-o-lanterns made of turnips and other vegetables in
windows or by doors on Halloween.
The jack-o'-lanterns are meant to scare away Stingy Jack and
all the other spirits that are said to walk the earth on
that night.
It wasn't until the tradition was brought to the United States
by immigrants that pumpkins were used for jack-o'-lanterns.
Happy Halloween To All, and To All A Good Fright!
Noreen
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FreeHalloween.ComAdded 10-14-03
