JeCk OuT sOmE tITe liNes

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful women is one who can find such a man.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

Men marry because they are tired.
Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her.
A man, of the woman who he didn't.

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman; Before marriage and After marriage.

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, And the other is to let her have it.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. No use two people remembering the same thing.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

GotTa giVe CHARLES suM pRopz on dIs women-hater list

!!! TOP TEN REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN !!! (and what they actually mean) 10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to do my DAD.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You ugly dork.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and half a gallon of Ben & Jerry's ice cream).

5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me..
(It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off the likes of you.)

1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail
about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)

Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess

I have two mounds upon my bodice I shave my legs, I sit down to pee I can justify any shopping spree Not to a barber, but a beauty salon Can get a massage without a hard on

Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass I always save money by using coupons Can admit to others when I am wrong

Don't drive in circles at any cost So I don't have to admit when I am lost Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon Every time I go to the john

Let me tell you men Listen to me boys Those things in your pants That you treat as toys
You love them more than we ever will
We would rather suck on a pickled dill

I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you're two hours late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
Don't need instant replay to remember the score

I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
And just cause I'm assertive
Don't call me a bitch

I don't wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
I don't go to Sears
To look at the tools
I don't cheat at poker
I follow the rules

I don't smoke cigars
Don't pay for drinks at bars
I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi"
And it's o.k. for me to cry

I know all you men
Think that you're "IT"
But compared to a woman
You just ain't SHIT!

Got2 GiVe pRopz 2 TiNa, Ms. men-hata!!(wow, we've got ourselves a couple)