THE MOTHER'S BOOK.
CHAP.X
MANAGEMENT DURING THE TEENS.
THE period from twelve to sixteen years of age is
extremely critical in the formation of character, particularly 
with regard to daughters.  The imagination is
then all alive, and the affections are in full vigor, while
the judgment is unstrengthened by observation, and
enthusiasm has never learned moderation of experience.
During this important period, a mother cannot be too
watchful.  As: much as possible, she should keep a
daughter  under her own eye ; and, above all things, she
should encourage entire confidence towards herself.
This can be done by a ready sympathy with youthful
feelings, and by avoiding all unnecessary restraint and
harshness.  I believe it is extremely natural to choose
a mother in preference to all other friends and confidants; 
but if a daughter, by harshness, indifference,
or an unwillingness to make allowance for youthful
feeling, is driven from the holy resting; place, which
nature has provided for her security, the greatest danger 
is to be apprehended.  Nevertheless, I  would not
have mothers too indulgent, for fear of weaning the
affections of children.   This is not the way to gain the
perfect love of young people; a judicious parent is
always better beloved, and  more respected, than a fool-
ishly indulgent one.  The real secret is, for a mother
never to sanction the slightest error, or imprudence,
but at the same time to keep her heart warm and
fresh, ready to sympathize with all the innocent gaiety
and enthusiasm of youth.  Salutary restraint, but not
unnecessary restraint, is desirable.

I will now proceed  to state what appears to me
peculiarly important at the age I have mentioned; and
I trust the hints I may suggest will prove acceptable to
judicious parents.  Heedlessness is so commonly the
fault of the teens, that I shall first mention the great
importance of habits of order, and neatness.  The
drawers, trunks and work-box of a young lady should
be occasionally inspected, for the purpose of correct-
ing  any  tendency to  wastefulness, or sluttishness.
Particular care should be taken of the teeth; they
should be washed with a clean brush and water at
least twice a day; to cleanse them just. before retiring
to rest promotes sweetness of breath, and tends to
preserve them from decay.  Buttons off, muslins wrink-
led, the petticoat below the edge of the gown, shoe-
strings  broken, and hair loose and straggling, should
never pass unnoticed.  Serious advice from a father
on these subjects does more good than anything else.
Smooth, well arranged hair, and feet perfectly neat,
give a genteel, tasteful appearance to the whole
person.

A dress distinguished for simplícity and freshness is
abundantly more lady-like than the ill-placed furbe-
lows of fashion.  It is very common to see vulgar,
empty-minded people perpetually changing; their dresses,
without ever acquiring the air of a gentlewoman.  If
there is simplicity in the choice of colors,-if clothes
fit well, and are properly pinned, tied and arranged,-if
they always have a neat, fresh look,-and above all,
if  the   head  and  the  feet  are  always  in  order,-
nothing more is required for a perfectly lady-like ap-
pearance.

Nothing tends to produce a  love of order so much
as the very early]y habits of observation, and attention to
trifles, which  I have so particularly urged in various
parts  of this  book.   I  would  teach  a daughter to
observe such trifling things as the best manner of opening
a new piece of tape; and I would take every precau-
tion to conquer the spirit that leads young people  to
say 'I don't care, ' No matter how it is done,>-&c.
I have, in a previous chapter, spoken of the effect
which habits of observation have upon politeness of
manner; and I cannot, while speaking of an  age
peculiarly liable to affectation, pass by  the subject of
good manners without saying a few words more con-
cerning that most disgusting and injurious fault.  Let
all  your  influence  be exerted to check the slightest
appearance of affectation.  No matter whether it be
affectation of goodness, of learning, of sentimentality,
of enthusiasm, of simplicity, or of gracefulness.-It
will start up  in  a multitude of new forms, like the
fabled heads of the hydra-but cut them off unspar-
ingly.  This  fault, with  its most artful covering is
easily detected; nature has a quiet sincerity about her,
that cannot be mistaken, or counterfeited.  An absence
of all anxiety to appear well, is the very surest way to
be attractive.  An entire forgetfulness of self, and a
good natured wish to oblige and amuse others, produce
a feeling of ease in company, and more effectually
give the stamp of refined society, than all the affec-
tation and finery in the world.  Bashfulness is very
unbecoming  and awkward, while modesty is peculiarly
fascinating  to every one.   People  are bashful when
they are thinking about themselves and are anxious to
appear well; they are modest when they forget them-
selves, and are simply willing to do what they can to
make others happy. Proud people, unless they have
long been accustomed to taking the lead in society,
are very apt to be bashful; modesty and humility
generally go together.  Selfishness is the cause of
bashfulness, as well as of more serious evils.

Habits of order should be carried into expenses.
From the time children are twelve years old, they
should keep a regular account of what they receive,
and what they- expend.  This will produce habits of
care, and make them think whether they employ their
money usefully.  It is an excellent plan for a father, at
the beginning of the year, to state what he is willing
each  child, older than twelve, should expend per
Quarter.  At first, the greater part might be under a
mother's direction, for clothes, and other necessaries;
and only a small portion be at the disposal of the child.
In this way, a father knows certainly what he expends
for  each;  and  domestic  discord is not likely to be
produced by bills  unexpectedly large.   When the
arrangement is once made, nothing should be add-
ed; the idea of being helped out of difficulties brought
on by thoughtlessness and extravagance, would defeat
the express purpose of an allowance.   A mother can
generally tell  very nearly what it  is necessary and
proper For a daughter to expend yearly; if you find you
really have not allowed enough, make larger provision
the next year; but never add to what was originally
agreed upon, except under very extraordinary circumstances-
stances.  At sixteen years of age, or perhaps sooner
where there is great maturity of character, a young
lady  may be profited by being trusted with the whole of 
her allowance, to spend at discretion; always, however,  
rendering an exact account to her parents, at the end of the year.

Some may think such a system could be pursued
by the wealthy; but it is no matter whether the quarterly  
allowance is fifty  dollars, or fifty cents-the principle  is the same.   
The responsibility implied  by such trust gives children more 
self-respect, and self-command;it helps them to remember 
how much they owe to generosity of parents; and  checks 
their heedlessness in the expenditure of money.  But its 
most important  is in teaching them to be really benevolent.   
Children who go to a parent and  ask for things to give away, 
may know what kind impulses are, but they know 
nothing about real benevolence of principle. True generosity 
is a willingness  to deny ourselves for the  benefit of others-
to give up something of our  own, that we really like, for the 
sake of doing good. If  a child has a quarter of a dollar a 
month to expend, and gives half of it to a poor sick neighbor, 
instead of laying up to buy a book, or a trinket, he knows 
more of benevolence, than could be taught by all the books 
and maxims in the world. 
 
When you know of such action, let a child see that it increases 
your  affection  and respect.   Do not let the hurry of business 
or  the pressure of many cares,  keep you from expressing 
marked approbation.  Human nature is weak, temptation strong.  
Young people need to he cheered  onward in the path  goodness ; 
and they should  never be disappointed in the innocent 
expectation of giving pleasure to a parent.  But do not praise
 them in the presence of others; and do not say much about it, as if
it were any great thing-merely treat them with unusual-
 affection and confidence.   Do not compensate
their benevolence by making them presents.  This will
lead them into temptation.  It will no longer be self-
denial in them to give; for they will be sure they shall
lose nothing in the end.  They should learn to take
pleasure in losing their own gratification's for the benefit
of others.

One very good effect resulting from keeping, an exact
account of expenses, had well neigh escaped my memory.
Should your daughter ever become a wife, this habit
will enable her to conform more easily to her husband's
income.  A great deal of domestic bitterness has been
produced by a wife's not knowing, or not thinking;, how
much she expends.  Every prudent man wishes to
form some calculation about the expenses of his family;
and this he cannot do, if a wife keeps no accounts, or
keeps them irregularly.

In connection with this subject, I would urge the
vast importance of a thorough knowledge of arithmetic
among women. It is a study that clearly tends to
strengthen the mind, and produce careful habits of
thought; and no estate can be settled without it.  In
England and France, it is no uncommon thing for the
wife of a great manufacturer or merchant to be his
head clerk.

An American lady, now residing in Paris, is said to
be an invaluable partner to her wealthy husband, on
account of perfect knowledge of his extensive business-
ness, and the exact and judicious manner in which
conducts affairs during his absence.  I do not wish to
see American women taking business out of the hands
of men; but I wish they were all capable of doing business, 
or settling an estate, when it is necessary.

this purpose, a very thorough knowledge of book-keeping
should be attained; both the old and the new system
 should be learned. Nor should a general knowledge
of the laws connected with the settlement of estate
neglected.  Everyone person ought to be well
acquainted with the contents of Sullivan's Political Class
Book. Many a widow and orphan has been cheated in
consequence of ignorance on these subjects.

Should your daughter never have an estate to settle
or business to transact, her knowledge of arithmetic
book-keeping and penmanship may be valuable to her
as a means of support.  I do think children should be
brought up with a dread of being dependent on
bounty of others.  Some young; ladies think it a degradation
to support themselves; and to avoid it, they
willing to stay with any relation, who will furnish them 
a home.  This is not indulging a right spirit.  We ought
to be resigned and cheerful in a dependent situation
when we cannot possibly provide for ourselves; but
willingness to burden others, when we can help it by
a  little  exertion,  is  not resignation-it is mere  pride
and indolence.  Next to a love of usefulness, knowledge
should be valued because it multiplies our resource
case of poverty.  This unwillingness to subsist
bounty of others should not be taught as a matter of pride,  
but of principle ; it should proceed from an unwillingness
to take away the earnings of others, without rendering
some equivalent, and a reluctance to share what properly 
belongs to the more unfortunate and needy.   There is 
nothing selfish in this.   It springs from a real regard to 
the good of others.

I would make it an object so to educate children that
they could, in case of necessity, support themselves 
respectably.  For this reason, if a child discovered a 
decided talent for any accomplishment, I would cultivate 
it, if my income would possibly allow it.   Everything 
we add to our knowledge, adds to our means of usefulness.  
If a girl have a decided taste for drawing, for example, 
and it be encouraged, it is a pleasant resource, which 
will make her home agreeable, and lessen the
desire for company and amusements; if she marry, it
will enable her to teach her children without the 
expense of a master; if she live unmarried, she may gain
a livelihood by teaching the art she at first learned as a
mere gratification of taste. The same thing may be
said of music and a variety of other things, not generally
deemed necessary in education. In all cases it is best
that what is learned should be learned well.  In order
to do this, good masters should be preferred to cheap
ones. Bad habits, once learned, are not easily corrected.

It is far better that children should learn one thing
thoroughly, than many things superficially.  Make up
your mind how much you can afford to spend for one
particular thing; and when you have decided that,
spend it as far as it will go in procuring; really good
teachers.  I believe this to be the best economy in the
end.  It is better to take twelve lessons from a first
rate French teacher, than to take a hundred from one
who does not know how to speak the language; because 
in the latter case, bad habits of pronunciation
be learned, and probably never corrected.  The same 
thing is true of all kinds of knowledge, solid or ornamental.

While speaking of acquirements, I would again
the great necessity of persevering in whatever pursuits
are commenced.  Time, talent, and money, are often
shamefully wasted by learning a variety of things 
imperfectly, because they prove more difficult than was at
imagined; and what is worst of all, every individual
stance of this kind, strengthens the pernicious habit
being easily discouraged at obstacles.  A young
should be very sure she knows her own mind before
begins any pursuit; but when it is once begun, it should
be an unalterable law that she must persevere.

Perhaps some parents of moderate fortune will as
there is no danger of unfitting girls for the duties of their
station, and making them discontented with their station
 in life, by teaching them accomplishments merely
ornamental.  For myself, I do not believe that any 
kind of knowledge ever unfitted a person for the discharge
of duty, provided that knowledge was acquired  from
a right motive.   It is wonderful what different results
same thing mill produce, when the motives are different
No matter what is learned, provided it be acquired;
means of pleasing a parent, of becoming useful to
others, or of acquiring a necessary  support.   If:
induce children to learn any particular thing for
sake of showing off, or being as grand as their neighbors, 
then, indeed, you will unfit them for their duties
and make them discontented with their situation.  

Looking to others for our standard of happiness is 
the sure way to be miserable. Our business is with our own
hearts, and our own motives.  When I say that a decided
talent for any pursuit should be encouraged, I do not
mean that every whim and caprice should be indulged.
Mothers often talk about giving their daughters a taste
for music, and a taste for painting, when in fact they
only wish to excite in them a silly ambition to have as
many accomplishments to show off, as other girls have.

The consequence is, such families undertake to do a
multitude of things, and do nothing well.  A good deal
of money is spent to very little purpose; for such
young ladies do not really take pleasure in their 
employments; and if left destitute, they could not 
teach what they do not half understand.

My idea is this-First, be sure that children are familiar-
 with all the duties of their present situation; at
the same time, by schools, by reading, by conversation,
give them as much solid knowledge as you can,-no
matter how much, or of what kind,-it will come in
use some time or other; and lastly, if your circumstances 
are easy, and you can afford to indulge your children 
in any matter of taste, do it fearlessly, without any idea 
that it will unfit them for more important duties.   

Neither learning  nor  accomplishments  do any harm 
to man or woman if the motive for acquiring them be 
a proper one; on the contrary, those who know most, 
are apt to perform their duties best-provided
the heart and the conscience have been educated as
well as the understanding.  I believe a variety of
knowledge (acquired from such views as I have stated)
would make a man a better servant, as well as a better
president; and make a woman a better wife, as well