Portrait of a Teenage Killer

Yes, when thinking about all of the hot topics today, school violence would certainly have to be mentioned in the top 3. It seems that more and more kids are coming to school and wacking their classmates for no reason. While these incidents are few and far between, they are widely publicized and well they should be (for obvious awareness reasons). However, the blame always seems to be placed on the parents of these insane teens. Now, blaming parents for morons and losers is very reasonable. Without guidance a kid can easily turn out to be the neighborhood crack whore or the marijuana supplier for his school, but can lack of guidance really turn kids into homicidal monsters? I think it takes more. Unless you grow up with the parents of Henry Lee Lucas, there must be some kind of chemical imbalance within to make you go that far.
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Black Problems

In my spare time I like to get on the Proposition 209 debate bulletin board and yell at the liberals who think their opinions actually count for something. Lately they have been bitching excesively about minorities not getting the same education as whites, and they especiallylike to point out that blacks are not getting into as many good colleges as whites. This was all based on some study apparently done in California that determined that black enrollment in state schools was down. This is how it always is. A report or study shows minorities are not doing well and faster than you can say, "Get Jesse Jackson on the line," some group is moaning about discrimination. Funny, when I heard that black enrollment was down, my initial thought was this, “Oh, they must have raised the requirements to get in.” More

When Will Texas Sink!?

Just a couple of weeks ago Texas state legislation passed a law that anyone under 18 caught with cigarettes will have their drivers licences taken away, have to perform so many hours of community service and pay a fine of something like $250. In addition, all billboard advertising for cigarettes must be taken down within the next 6 months. Now, I hate smokers as much as the next normal person, but the cigerette industry is one of the only real profitable industries 		in this country anymore. We used to have the automotive industry years ago, but we fucked that up really good and let the Japanese take over. Then for about 5 minutes we had a grip on the electronics industry until we allowed Japan to molest us there too. I think we should let all the teens smoke that want to. They will soon be adults, and it’s harder to get adults hooked than it is teens. These kids know what they’re doing. Thay know all of the dangers. More
Americans . . .
Grab Your Ankles!
I’ve noticed a trend forming within American society that bothers me. Nobody else seems to be conscious of it besides me. This new trend is called, “Screwing over the American consumer!” There are now more companies out there trying to screw you over than ever before. But, it’s not only the companies that are changing for the worst, the consumers are undergoing a disturbing change as well. The common man, we’ll call him Joe American, is not only accepting being screwed over as a consumer, but in some instances, seems to prefer it!
I went car shopping a few weeks ago. I used to enjoy shopping for a car because I love to hassle the sales people about price. (I’m a car salesman’s worst nightmare) Whether I get screwed over or not in the end, I always feel better knowing that I got the guy to knock off a thousand bucks and give me a CD player. It has come to my attention that Joe American has become so lazy that he would actually rather be paying whatever jacked-up price the dealer wants to charge . . . More
Obsession With Nudity

What is the big obsession with nudity in society today? I don't mean the obsession with those that want to see nudity. Rather the obsession of those against others having access to nudity. I mean really now! What is the big deal? If I'm not mistaken each of us will see a naked body every morning when we get dressed (or at least I hope that everyone will). Oh I know. It is different. Yeah, so what? If a man or woman wants to see another naked body, they need only go as far as the local swimming pool. There is virtually nothing left to the imagination with the new suits. Both male and female. I don't see these major protests there! So it isn't about what we are seeing. So what could it possibly be?
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Children Suck!

I hate children. I despise children. In fifty years, I am going to be the old fart that chases kids off his lawn with a yard stick in hand. I am going to be the old bastard that casts the deciding vote against the school budget. I am going to be the old jerk that calls the police if the kids are playing outside past 6PM. Now, what does this have to do with politics? I'll tell ya. I think there should be laws prohibiting children from certain places.

I like going to out on weekends. I like to go to the mall on Saturday afternoon and just walking around. However, it's hard to get through the damn food court when Welfare Wilma refuses to control her brood of hellspawns. These brats run amuck. They throw their food, they scream, they run around the restaurant area, etc... I walk into Grapvine Mills Mall and there are children everywhere, kicking benches, dropping food over the floor, and yelling at the top of their little high pitched lungs. The mothers did absolutely nothing about it. Didn't they ever hear of McDonald's? That's where you take kids. Put 'em on the slides and get 'em a happy meal. Of course, this phenomenon is not unique to places like Grapevine Mills, or mothers like Wilma. I've been to upscale establishments where the same thing happens. Middle-Class Midge is with her husband, Middle-Class Mitch and their bawling baby, Middle-Class Malefic Mary. It's terrible. More

Sports and Drugs


Living just outside of Dallas, I am constantly seeing sports figures being caught with drugs, prostitutes and assorted illegal weapons. It’s almost become a common occurance, actually. Anyway, on the morning talk-radio shows that I listen to on my drive into work, I hear a ton of morons saying things like, ". . . the league should not hold this against him. He should be back on the field next year. . ." Huh? Why is that? Is running down a field with a football so important as to ignore the fact that a crime may have been committed? Whether or not you believe that drugs, whores and automatic weapons should be illegal doesn't matter. They are illegal today. And using them or being caught with them is against the law. Period!
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Criminal Rights
But What About My Rights?
Ahhhhhh, to live the easy life. It must be great to have so few worries as the people who were criminals, too stupid to get away with the crime. Let me explain--if Mick (a fictional loser criminal) breaks into my house, steals my computer, shoots my dog, leaves democratic propaganda all over the place, and of all things, signs me up for Columbia Music Club, then gets caught in a bar down the street bragging to 2 off-duty police officers, Mick is then entitled to all sorts of benefits from the government that you and I will never have. Is it just me or does this make absolutely no sense what so ever? As the "victim" I am left with the cost of replacing my computer, the mental stress of losing man’s best friend, explaining to Columbia that I really don't want any of
their crappy Kenny G CD’s with that crazy handling charge, and let's not forget about the hours and hours of psycobable that I will have to endure in order to recover from the propaganda materials. And what does old Micky get? At this point I can hear the booming voice of a game show announcer telling him what he has won, "Well, for starters, he gets his own 15' x 10 cell, complete with plumbing, a comfortable Serta Sleeper mattress (because he’ll sue the state if they don’t provide him adequate comfort) and a great view of the west garden. But wait, there is more... Mick will also get a color TV with complete cable access and all pay channels. Three square meals a day, maid service and private security. . . More
Mein Kempf

My struggle to purify America of stupidity is here. My proposal to build this nation back to greatness is all outlined here. Imagine this, I am now the President of the United States of America, and it’s my first day in the oval office. Since I was running against Jesse Jackson, I won the election by a land slide. So now, it’s time to do something presidential. I call to my new intern, Candy, to come in and take dictation...wait, that’s a story for another time. Let me get on to the diplomatic end of the presidency.
My first official act as President of the United States would be to take over Cuba. We will enslave the Cuban population to make cigars for America. Now, we will take over Canada, forcing the french speaking Canadians to only speak English. Wait, it gets even better . . . More
Affirmitive Action...
Though it may be Trite
I realize that this article is on a trite topic that all of us are sick and tired of hearing about, but I need to vent. The Dallas Morning News published an article last weekend about the Arlington Independent School District. It would seem that they have missed their goal to hire so many black teachers
by this year. They were 218 teachers, and 7 principals short of the mark. Currently, they have 171 black teachers and 4 black principals. The Dallas Morning News crucified new Superintendent Mac Bernd for “failing”. I think that we should thank the man for dragging his feet on the ridiculous goal the district set several years back. Here is why . . . More
Previously released
View previous issues of BigCynic as well as excerpts from his original cynicl print publication "No Big Words".
If you're not like me, I hate you!
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