My neighbor was on a vacation in Miami, and decided to go to the beach and pick up some shells. Mostly he found .38 specials and magnums.
A window salesman phoned a customer. "Hello Mr.Brown," said the sales representative. "I'm calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year agom and you still haven't sent us a single payment.
The customer replied, "But you said they'd pay for themselves in 12 months.
There was a young Scotsman who left home and moved into his own flat. After a few weeks his parents phoned to find out how he was. "What are your neighbors like son?" his mother asked.
"They're a bit strange actually," he told his mum. "On one side there's a man who keeps banging his head against the wall, and on the other side is a lady who cries all day."
"I'd keep to myself if I were you," advised his mum.
"Oh, I do." the son replied. "I just sit in my room and play my bagpipes all day."
