I had a gay dog; his name was Timijin.
I remember one day he was all excited,
Jumping up and down in the den,
And I asked him, "What's the matter, boy?"
That's when my brother Mark,
Who claimed to have a psychic rapport with animals
And a girlfriend who was a 400-year old mermaid,
Said that Timijin was trying to tell me that he was gay.

Meanwhile, Barbara Wodehouse was in the kitchen,
Having coffee with Mom and Dad. She overheard Mark,
And immediately flew into a rage!
She reached into her handbag,
Pulled out this huge bonesaw, and ran in,
Threatening to cut off poor Timijin's head!
Fortunately, Dad stopped her with a flying tackle,
Mom got the bonesaw away from her,
Then called the police. I was emotionally shattered.

She was given probation, but was later killed
In a freak explosion at a nearby McDonald's.
Chryssie Hynde could not be reached for comment.
Soon after this tableau, we had to move
To an apartment, which forbade pets.
Last I heard, he was living with a mechanic
And his family in a small town in Maine.

In retrospect, I think he really just wanted a milkbone.

© 1998 Bruce V. Bracken