Expectations: A Key To Any Relationship

By Bishop Robert A. Crutchfield

President, Kingdom Relationship Ministries

It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in. Expectations on the part of the people in the relationship play a large part in determining the health of that relationship. Take an employee-employer relationship for example. An employee that does not live up to what his employer expects will likely find himself fired.

The same dynamic is in full effect in our romantic relationships. Say your date is expecting you to take her our to a nice dinner. Hopefully you didn’t mean diner, because she will be disappointed, and that can be a problem.

Where do expectations come from ? They come from a variety of places. When it comes to romantic relationships a common driving force is what I call a person’s “inventory of experiences.” Much of this comes from what a person observed of their parent(s) growing up. Even in this day if a man grew up in a home with a father that didn’t help around the house, he may expect to come home and leave the housework to his spouse. If his wife grew up in a two career home where the father took an active role in the household chores she may expect the husband to do likewise. Obviously if these different expectations are important enough to one or both members of the couple this can be a major problem !

In a business relationship if a merchant has a hard-line about his 30 day return policy, it can be a problem for a customer who has an expectation that the merchant will resolve any problem he has with the product.

Expectations are probably the biggest danger when two people in a relationship have conflicting expectations. In this situation one person or the other has to give up all or most of what they expect. This can be hard for someone to do. Take our example couple above. If he expects to do no housework, and she expects him to do half, he is not willing to do any, and half may be her minimum. This leaves little room for compromise. The consequences for their relationship can be severe.

When dealing with someone else's expectations it also can be helpful to remember that, they are not engraved in stone. People do change over time. Expectations are dynamic, not static. They change as the person who holds them changes. It can be counterproductive to assume a person's expectations are the same now, as they were at the begining of a relationship for example.

In the case of conflicting expectations a great deal of maturity may be required of one or both people in the relationship. One or both parties will have to decide that the relationship is more important than their expectation.

Next time you are in a relationship that is showing some strain, try to see if the other side is expecting something different than you. If so try to understand why they expect things to go differently. Wherever possible put your relationship before any of your expectations. Your relationships will be stronger for it !

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