Chapter 13: Falling Hard For Secrets



About a month passed. It was nearly my birthday, and I couldn't wait. Things between Kat and I since the fight got better, but I still felt that she was trying to make a decision for Zac that wasn't her place to make. On my birthday, my parents took me to lunch and allowed Taylor to take me out to dinner and a movie. They even extended my midnight curfew to one a.m. Taylor and I had planned to go to the dinner, back to his house for about an hour and then to the movie--they were all within walking distance. We had dinner at a family owned restaurant named 'Mario's.' It was an Italian restaurant with wonderful food. Taylor wouldn't let me even peek at the prices, but instead, read the entire list of entrées to me. Our dinner was quiet, with a lot of hushed conversation and a few giggles. After dinner we went for a nice stroll back to his house.

"Who's home at your house?" I asked as we walked, our hands creating a connection between us.

"My mom took the kids shopping earlier, but they should be back by now. Isaac and Zac are both visiting friends in Vinita. And Dad is out of town for the week," Taylor informed me.

"Cool," I smiled. I was glad to hear that someone was home.

When we arrived at his house, it was completely dark. He tried the door and it was locked. I watched as he pulled a hidden key from a hanging plant near the door. He unlocked the door, put the key back and then went in with me following.

"Hello?" he spoke into the house.

"Taylor, a note," I pointed to a piece of paper on the small table in the entryway.

He picked up the note and read it out loud. "Went to Muskogee to see Mrs. Edwards. She's sick. Rest of kids are at Aunt Caroline's to spend night. Be home late."

"I hope Mrs. Edwards is okay. Is she close to you?" I asked.

"She's our old piano teacher. My mom and her are kind of close, but I don't know her all that well. You're okay with us being alone, right?" he asked meekly.

"I-uh-yeah. So, what do we do until time to go?" I inquired, nervously glancing around the house.

"I'll show you my room again. It's clean now," Taylor smiled, carefully placing his hand back with mine. He led me up the stairs and into his room.

"Which bed is yours again?"

"The top one," he pointed.

"Can I...?" "Sure, be my guest," he smiled. I loved bunk beds and climbed easily to the top bunk and laid back. Taylor joined me quickly and sat beside me. I smiled up at him, relaxing. He then slowly and carefully leaned down and placed his warm lips on mine. I responded quickly, and our kisses became more rapid. I lost myself in the moment, and when I felt his hands between my legs, it scared me more than anything ever has. "Noooo!" I screamed at him, pushing him away. I pushed him so hard, he fell off the top bunk and onto the floor. As he laid on the floor, unmoving and his eyes closed. I raced down, hoping I hadn't done what I thought I did.



When I hit the ground, my head hurt slightly, but I kept my eyes closed, thinkin of why she would push me off so fast like that. I suddenly felt her beside me, crooning to me sweet phrases of utter concern.

"Please, Taylor, honey. Talk to me baby. Are you okay? Please say you're fine. Did I hurt you Tay?" she asked. I felt something wet hit my lips and I licked them to taste the salt of her tears. I opened my eyes to see her face wet from tears. "Oh, God. I'm soo sorry, Tay. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," I said, sitting up. I rubbed the back of my head slightly, but then put inviting arms around her worried body. She went a little limp in my arms and sighed heavily, releasing the worry. It was a rarity to see Joey cry. She was strong and it was about once every four or five years when someone saw her cry. It was like seeing the Titanic sink: you feel kind of important that you were there, but then you wish with all your heart that it had never happened. I knew something was really wrong then, so I questioned her. "Why did you push me off so quick? Did I do something wrong?" I asked, concerned if she had felt pain.

"No, sweetheart, it's not you, I swear. It's me. It's a problem I have," she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I knew I'd have to tell you this sometime, but I hoped it wouldn't have had to been tonight. Not my birthday. But I don't think I can wait another day without you understanding something about me."

"What is it?" I asked, getting up to sit on top of Zac's trundle bed. She sat beside me, sqared her shoulders and then brought her eyes up to look me straight on.

"I had a very traumatizing experience as a child. I only ask that you stay completely quiet until I'm done, because this is hard enough to talk about as it is. When I was about seven years old and in the third grade, there was this teacher I adored. Mr. Hemly. He had the best books of any teacher I knew, and I was making frequent visits to his room to get books. He always had time to sit down and talk to me and tell me about new books he was getting. Well, at the beginning of the second semester of school, I went in one day to get books. He was in there and was just as nice as usual. I told him I could stay and talk for half an hour, but then I had to walk home, because I told my mom I'd be back by 4:15. He said okay. I went and chose a book and then sat down for him to tell me about it. I saw him go and lock the door and then pull down the shades. He told me to sit in his big desk chair, and I did what I was told. I held the book in front of me and wondered what he was doing. The room was rather hot at that moment and he asked if I wanted to take of my over shirt and just wear my undershirt. I agreed. It seemed like a good idea. He then said I could take off my shoes and socks. I didn't think anything of it. Then he turned the swivel chair to face him. He removed my undershirt and said he was a doctor as well as a teacher and he was going to examine me. After that, he took of my shorts and panties and stood me in front of him--naked. He began to feel me around my private parts, but then told me to lay down so he could look at them better. He spread my legs apart and then felt me more. At that point I knew there was something wrong. After a while he asked me if I'd ever seen a man's private parts. I said no. He then unzipped his own pants and told me to rub him. I did what I was told. I did that until he came. Then, he redressed me and told me to keep his examination quiet for a while until the results of the test he took came back. He continued to molest me for about two more months before I mentioned it to my mother. He only got as far as sticking his finger inside me, and he almost always treated me gently, but still, it was molestation, and it scarred me for life. Ever since then, I haven't been able to have any man touch me in any way--until you came along. You made me feel safe, but when you touched me down there....it all came back. I remembered it all, and I couldn't handle it. Mr. Hemly got fired because it turned out he had molested three other girls--two third graders and a first grader. He moved away, but then the son of a bitch got a job in California and did the same thing. Charges were pressed in both places. Remember a few months back when I said I had to visit my aunt in L.A.? I was actually testifying at that bastard's trial. He got 25 years for molesting 19 different girls. That means, in 25 years, he'll be back out, and able to get a hold of any girl he wants. I still shudder when I think of how a nice man could be so dirty on the inside. I'm sorry if I hurt you now, but that's the price I have to pay at the hands of a sick 35 year old."

Chapter 14: Beauty In A Formal Gown



TWO MONTHS LATER....


I couldn't believe mom had talked me into this. I was actually, willingly, dressing up in a tux, and going to a church, yes church, dance. I knew it would be lame and boring....but hey, it's not like I had another thing to do. Plus, Kat would be my date, that didn't hurt my decision either. It was formal though, which meant a bowtie or a tie. I liked bowties more because you can fiddle with them when your bored; and I've been told that girls love it when you take it off, unbutton the first few buttons of your white shirt, leave your jacket opened a little and have your shirt untucked. Maybe I'd try that, to impress Kat of course. When the doorbell rang, I was still getting my coat on. I threw it on the floor and raced down to the door calling, "I got it, it's for me!" all the way down the stairs. Still, despite my efforts, Jessie got there first.

"Yes hold on please.......Zaaa...." she turned around in mid-call and I was standing there. "Quick, aren't you?" she said looking bored. I slowly walked away, asked Kat in and went after Jess. I didn't really even look at Kat. "Jess, you feelin' okay?" I asked, turning her around. "No, I woke up this morning and threw dinner up from yesterday, then I threw lunch up after I ate, and now I am going to lay down upstairs, in my room, with a puke-it next to me." she stated blankly. A "puke-it" is our nickname for the puke bucket we all use when we are sick.

"I'm sorry, is there anything I can do?" I asked with concern.

"You could tuck me and pull the puke-it out of the closet for me. And maybe get a pitcher of water and a wet washcloth for me."

"Sure." When someone was sick, there was no such thing as too much care. Just glancing at Kat I said, "Hold on, my sisters' sick, I'll be a minute." Then I disappeared upstairs. When I got everything under control, I told mom Jess was not feeling good, which -of course- she knew, and then finally came back downstairs. "Sorry I took s....." I stopped in mid-sentence on the stairs. I was astonished at how Kat looked. I stared at her, jaw on the floor, eyes popping out of my head, I kinda' felt like a cartoon. "Whoa." was the only audible word I could say at this time.

"I take it you like my dress." she spun around. It was a shiny purple, with that black meshy stuff over the purple, then it had little fake diamonds positioned here and there, it reminded me of the stars - like they were just thrown on, but fell perfectly into place. The dress hugged her curves until just above her hips, then the dress puffed out like the bottom of a bell. It covered everything but her little black shoes, which weren't heels, but were more like fancy black shoes with a two-inch thick sole. She had her hair up in one of those bun things and had a wrap around thing made of the same material as her dress. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was like a 1990's Cinderella or something. When I finally collected myself, I walked downstairs. "Sorry for the delay, my sister is sick." I gaped.

"I know, you told me. But I love the way you do that Zac." she smiled. I now noticed she was wearing make-up, not the kinda' thing she normally does.

"Do what?" I was a little confused. I wanted to know so I could do it more often anyway.

"The way you take care of your family. I love your family. I don't have much of one, me and mom, that's it. But you have all these people to take care of, all kinds of things to do, and you hopefully realize how lucky you are to have a big family. Heck, I'd give up my whole life for five minutes of being a kid sister in your family." her big blue eyes were filling up with tears.

"Don't cry, your mascara will run." I said, jokingly.

"Funny....," she laughed, brushing the tears away with the tips of her fingers, "but I'm not wearing any." I then leaned in and kissed her slightly on the lips, not wanting to ruin the lipstick that had been delicately applied. Plus, I didn't want lipstick on my lips.

"Did I get any lipstick on me?" I asked quickly. She nodded and I took my hand and wiped off my lips. "Gone?" I asked. She nodded again and I kissed her, safely, on the cheek.

"Are you ready Zac?" Mom asked. She was taking us tonight because Ike had left with his date already. Tay and Jo were already gone, they got ready fast enough to go with Ike and so mom agreed to take Kat and I. "Kat, dear, you look lovely. It's as if you were going to a prom or something." mom said, astonished as I was.

"Thank you very much Diana." she looked down, a little embarassed I guessed.

"Are you people ready?" mom asked us.

"Yes." we agreed at the same time.

"Oh wait. I have to get a picture of you two." mom rushed off to retrieve the camera.

"Oh great. Now my mom has the deadly camera" I sighed and laughed.

"It's not that bad. Not as bad as what my mom would do." Kat fixed my bowtie and then mom came back in and positioned us.

"Say cheese." The flash blinded us.

"Thanks mom, now I can't even see my date." I really appreciated that one, oh yeah. We left after that.



He did that cute family thing with Jessie that I couldn't get over. Everytime I thought about it in the car, I squeezed his hand. He was starting to get suspicious, so I stopped doing it. I loved when he just opens the door for me and runs along to help his sister, then he gets impressed by me when he is done taking care of his sis. I loved how importanat his family was. That thought just made me want to marry him right there. I thought about how the last few months with him had impacted my life. He canceled a picnic we were going to have so he could help Diana clean up the house while practically everyone else was out doing something. I just loved the way he put his family first. That is an important quality I look for in a guy. When we got there, Diana told us to ride home with Ike and if not, to call her. We walked in and I immediatly spotted Jo and Tay.

"Look, there's Jo and Tay." I pointed. We made our way over there to greet them. We all chatted and complemented each other, as we sat there like bumps on a log. A good slow song came on and he lead her out onto the dance floor. I sighed as I saw the way he delicately held her in his loving embrace. They kept a small distance between them, though. This was, after all, a church sponsered dance. I was so glad Jo finally had someone. Ever since we were 12, she had gotten "Boys of the Months" I called them. She would always have a boyfriend-type hanging around, but they were never "good enough" as Joey called them. It wasn't that she thought they weren't good enough for her, but that they weren't good enough to her. Many of them forgot her birthday, even forgot her name once. I had always hoped she'd find someone that would last more than a week. I, on the other hand, hadn't gone out with quite so many guys. I had survived through a tough break-up with one guy, and about two sort-of major ones. I often wondered why Joey always had boys around her. I didn't think she was exceptionally pretty or popular, but she was very nice, and she also had a problem about saying no when they asked her out. She figured if they cared enough to ask, she couldn't just reject them. As far as I know, though, she had only gotten as far as letting one of them feel her up. She said many of them, she never even kissed. I wasn't sure why, but Joey never let guys do very much with her. She seemed very uncomfortable to have them touch her in any way, and that's why they usually didn't last long. Their hormones were wanting it, but she wasn't supplying it--whatever it was.

Suddenly, a hand on my hip detatched me from my thoughts. Zac handed me a glass of punch he had promised and I smiled, thanking him. "Hey, let's put these right here for now. I want to dance," he said.

We went out on the floor and he put his arms gently around my waist and hugged me a little. We swayed gently to the sounds of "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers. He kept hugging me closer until we were as close as possible, but then I realized where we were, so I pulled away a little. "Careful Mister. You're in a house of God," I warned playfully.



When I had gone to Taylor's house, he had been completely surprised by my appearance. I usually was around him in a simple tee-shirt and jeans, but tonight, I had gone all out. Kat and I had purchased our dresses a few days before the event. While Kat's was pretty, I thought it was too...purple. Purple wasn't exactly one of my most favorite colors. After her relentlessly pointing to dresses she thought I'd like and me trying on a pile of them and not finding one good one, I was convinced I was destined to attend the dance in a pair of jeans. Suddenly, there it was, though. The dress that seemed to call my name. It was long, red and seemed to exume the same kind of aura as I did. It wasn't terribly sexy, though it wasn't completely modest either, with a slit running up to mid-thigh. It was made in baby-doll style with the upper portion made out of a satin material. The bottom was a rougher material that would keep me from having the embarrassing moment of being seen, legs splayed, in front of a bright light to let the world know that I had missed a spot when I shaved. A thin, darker red ribbon ran between the two portions to come to a flattened bow in the back. The open-back almost made me feel naked, but still made me feel pretty. I'll never forget Taylor's reaction when he saw it. He didn't say a word; he didn't make a sound; he simply stopped a moment, looked at me, approached and planted a soft, warm, tender kiss on my lips.

Taylor and I spent most of the dance just talking and holding hands. After my confession of the traumatic events that began my childhood, we were much closer. He seemed to understand my need to take things at a crawl. He knew that I didn't want to rush things and have terrible flashbacks that I usually had when I was around a guy. After standing around through a few fast songs, I told him I needed to use the ladies' room. I went off and stepped into the bathroom. It was filled with the usual things you found at a dance. Four girls crying and being comforted about guy problems. Two girls fustrated with a problem with their dresses. Ten girls checking their makeup and exactly zero girls using a toilet. I quietly snickered at the prospect of having a bathroom for simply these purposes and quickly used the facilities.



A few minutes after she left, the song came on. The one I'd hoped to hear all night. I had requested it at least four times, but the DJ blew me off every time. I rushed off to the direction of the bathroom to run into Joey in the hallway on her way back.

"Couldn't wait for me or something? You are very eager tonight," she observed.

"No, it's just that...well, listen to the music," I watched Joey's sly smile soften and her features seemed to go into slow motion. She blinked and looked at me.

"That's why you were so desperate to see me," she whispered, probably taken aback by my notion. Heck, even I was amazed that I had thought of it. Joey slowly put her arms around my neck and hugged me and began to dance with me right there in the hallway to the quiet strains of "Lady in Red" that floated through the open door of the dance.



After the dance, Joey and I decided the night was too nice to pass up. While Ike drove his date home, and Kat and Zac hitched a ride with Mom, Joey and I began a slow walk to her house. She held her high-heels in her hand as we walked down the street. We laughed and talked loudly and obnoxiously--hey, it's our job, we're Generation X. When we arrived at her house, it was all dark. I kind of expected that, since it was nearing 12:30. I walked her to the door and we stood there a moment, just looking at each other in the moonlight.

"Why isn't your porch light on?" I asked curiously, remembering that most parents left it on for children who were out.

"Well, my parents learned not to be that nosey after I blew up on them when they listened in on one of my phone calls. They felt so guilty, they don't do any kind of monitoring on my personal life anymore. They ask about it every once in while, and I answer when I feel they won't care about what I say," she explained. I looked at her long hair blowing around her face in the wind and I carefully brushed it away. She smiled and then leaned over, placing her lips on mine. I put my arms around her waist, holding her close to me, but being careful not to make her uncomfortable. One of her hands rested on my shoulder while the other was buried in my hair. When the kiss was over, she laid her head on my shoulder and sighed deeply. I could have stayed like that forever. The sound of her quiet breathing soothed me, and an amazing cloud of happiness seemed to billow around us.

::Chapters 15-16::
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