Chapter 35: Anger, Punishment and Ecstasy
Two months without Taylor. It was pure torture. I didn't know how I was going to let Kat and Zac get away with letting this happen. I wanted to kill them and then leave their carcasses for the birds. I walked around my living room, bored out of my mind.
"Josephina, there you are," my mother and father approached me.
"Please don't call me that," I groaned, collapsing on our light-colored couch.
"Joey, we need to talk to you. We didn't get a chance that day you ran to see Kat since you were so distraught when you came back, but we'd like to tell you now," my father smiled.
"Honey, we know how upset you were about losing your room, and now we know that you really need a room all to yourself. We know that you're in that age where you want peace and quiet a lot and you need it for your well-being," my mom babbled.
"What your mother is trying to say is that, we've made something for you," my father took my hand and led me up the stairs and to the stairs to the attic. I followed him up and looked around. All the boxes and things had been removed and the fans in the roof removed as well. An outlet was put in one wall and there were air-conditioner vents being added as well.
"What's-what's this?" I asked, confused.
"Your new room. We know it's not much as of now, but in a few weeks time we'll have it wired for a phone up here, six outlets and you'll also get to share the internet phone line for your own private line. Except for when someone's on the internet," my mother explained.
"We'll also have it insulated and put drywall up so that it will be as cool as the rest of the house," my father added.
I stood stunned, not believing that my parents cared so much about my personal freedom to do such a thing.
"Thank you! Thank you so much!" I wrapped my arms around my father's neck and
hugged him tightly, completely reeling with shock. I let go of him only to hug my mother. After letting go, I walked around the musty room imagining what it would look like once it was filled with my own things.
We were two weeks into the punishment and I was breaking down. Not because I hadn't seen or held Kat for so long, but because I had to be around Taylor 24-7. I had pretty much memorized his boring daily routine. He would get up around eleven, do some chores for mom and go back to his room. There, he would stare at a few pictures of Joey for about an hour while either writing a letter to her, writing a song or in his journal. Then, he would lay down and stare at the TV across the room, not really processing the show. Why else would he watch Backstreet Boys videos on VH1? This is the time I'd take to beg him to forgive me and talk to me. After I held a one-sided conversation for about an hour, Tay would get fed up with me and flip me off before leaving the room to go to the basement where he would play an endless, unnamed, sad tune on the keyboard. After this he would come to the dinner table and watch everyone eat while he ate about two bites of his own food. Then, he would usually just sit in our room for the rest of the night, listening to the radio before trying to sleep. He usually fell asleep around two or three in the morning. Until then, I would hear him scribbling something on paper. He did all this with saying only about 1 complete sentence to someone. He did very little talking to anyone except Joey when he snuck a phone call or got to call her for ten minutes.
Watching him suffer like this was the worst punishment I could have received at that time. I immediately got over my jealousy and my anger when I watched his dark mood overtake him. The depression he was in only worsened when Mom and Dad informed us that we would leave for the first stop on the world tour two days after we were ungrounded. I knew I couldn't let this go on. I had to make him happy, but the only way I knew how would screw me over.
After two weeks of punishment, I knew I had to see Joey, no matter what the consequences. Zac fell asleep around ten one night as did Isaac. I slipped out of my bed and climbed off the top bunk, already fully clothed in a black T- shirt and black cords along with my favorite Docs. I opened our window slowly and quietly and popped out the screen. I pulled it inside and then deftly eased myself onto the roof. Just as I looked back into the room, I saw Isaac appear in front of me.
"Where you goin? Joey's?" he whispered laughingly.
"You won't tell, will you?" I asked fearfully.
"No, have a good time," he shook his head and started to leave and then turned again, smiling. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"Thanks."
"No Prob."
Seeing Joey's house nearly brought me to tears. I went to Joey's window and threw pebbles at it. After a minute, I saw her surprised face show up in the window. She pointed to the back of the house and I nodded as I made my way to the back door. She soon after opened it and grabbed me, pulling me into a tight hug. She then put a finger to her lips and led me quietly up the stairs. I was surprised when she didn't go into her room, but continued up the attic stairs.
"Wha-"
"Shh," she shushed me. I followed silently into the attic. When I walked in, I realized it was no longer an attic, but was now filled artfully with Joey's things.
"My new room. You like?" she asked in a normal voice once she had closed the door.
"Cool! I'm glad you got your own room again," I looked around the spacious place. Suddenly, Joey's arms went around my neck and I felt her place her lips softly on mine. I'd forgotten how sweetly addictive her kisses were. We worked our way over to Joey's bed and slowly laid down upon the soft comforter. We had made out for who knows how long when Joey finally just laid her head on my chest and sighed.
"Thank you," she said quietly after a few moments of silence.
"For what?"
"For caring enough to need to see me so much that you had to sneak over," she sat up and smiled.
"No problem," I laughed, sitting up as well. Joey then softly took my hands and began kissing my fingertips lightly. She stopped abruptly and looked strangely at my hands.
"Why'd you stop?" I asked.
"Your nails. They're awful. Have you been biting them?" she looked at me.
"Well, I'm 15 and a guy with as much stress and trouble as God. Yeah, I chew my nails," I replied sarcastically.
"They're usually so nice-looking," Joey cocked her head.
"Well, we haven't done a photo shoot for a while. That's usually when someone does them for me," I explained.
"Well, I'm gonna do them for you," she said decidedly, getting up to retrieve supplies. She then returned and settled in front of me. I put my hand in hers as she began on my first finger.
There's something about a guy's hands that turns me on, so doing Taylor's nails was nearly orgasmic. Every once in a while I would kiss his fingertips gently. Once I was finished, I kissed the palms of both his hands and clasped mine into his.
"How do you do that?" Taylor asked suddenly.
"What? Your nails?" I chuckled.
"No, I mean, how do you do that thing. Where you do something so..... I don't know. You do those things that make me wanna just marry you at age 15," Taylor shook his head, obviously confused at what he was experiencing.
"Well, you do them, too."
"I do?"
"Yeah. Remember that day when I told you all about my past?" I sighed. He nodded. "Well, that speech you gave me about being able to wait for me made me want to claim you for life. I mean, I remember one line you said 'I'll always be here when you have to cry and when you can't.' When you said that, I realized that you are the single sweetest most loving guy in the world and that we belonged together. You were ready and willing at that moment to take me on along with every malfunction and flaw that I possess. You didn't even flinch or look back. It completely overtook me. Before I met you, I barely cried at all. After the immense pain I had delt with, crying over movies and at weddings seemed like something so stupid. Then, you came along and made me happy the way no one else could, and crying at the happiest moments was the only way I could seem to dignify them."
"Joey, you do the same things. You are so wonderful to love me and trust me after what you have been through. I never met a girl so strong willed before," Taylor reached a hand up and smoothed my hair back. "You also did something without looking back. You took on my schedule and my family and even though we don't get to see each other daily or have normal dates, you were willing to go through with this. I couldn't believe that you didn't care that you saw me so little in that first part of our career. When we were touring with MON, we were so busy, but you took it all on like it was nothing. We didn't even have our first real date until three weeks after I met you the first time. I mean, for the first three months we knew each other, we saw each other a total of about twice."
"Well, I knew it would be worth the wait," I smiled. I looked down at my hands and that's when I noticed what I was wearing. "My gosh!" I put my hands over my upper body, covering what the sports bra didn't. "I can't believe you let me sit here and talk to you when I look like this! I'm practically naked!"
"No you're not. You're covered. Besides, I was kind of enjoying it," Taylor put his hands behind his head and watched amused as I searched frantically for a shirt. I soon pulled out a random dark green shirt and put it on, thankful to be covered. Luckily the shorts I had on weren't too revealing.
"Nice picture," Taylor commented, pointing at my shirt. I looked down at it and noticed the Hanson logo and picture.
"Oops. I um, got this for my, um, birthday. Aunt Edna thought I meant I liked Hanson, not that I knew them," I laughed, a little embarrassed.
"I never did like that picture much," Taylor shook his head.
"Yeah, well, you don't like many pictures much," I pointed out.
"Yes I do. I like your pictures a lot," he retorted.
"Okay, you don't like YOUR pictures much. You're always saying stuff like, 'my hair was too poofy. Those pants are stupid. I'm making a funny face. I'm sweating too much.'"
"They always catch me when I'm sweating. It's repulsive," he cringed.
"Well, I think it's sexy. You look so cute when you're all worked up from singing a song. I enjoy watching you like that," I said seductively.
"Oh yeah? Well, I know another way to get worked up..." Taylor reached out and pulled me into his arms again, kissing me swiftly. I realized putting the shirt on wasn't needed as it was discarded onto the floor beside my bed.
Chapter 36: On Tonight's Jerry Springer.....
It had been ages since I had last seen Zac. He told me about Taylor trying to go back on his admittance and about how Zac made it out like he was lying. I couldn't believe the mess we were all in. After that day when I had lashed out at Taylor, I felt kind of bad. When Joey came over and ratted me out for it, I felt even worse because out of all my friends, I've always valued her opinion the most. I didn't want her to be mad at me, but I knew as long as Taylor was wrongly punished, she would be mad. I was just realizing how ungrateful I was for Taylor's act.
Even though he was so good, though, the way it felt when he called me a slut was unbearable. I couldn't believe a guy that had been so nice to me, that I had even had a crush on once, was so cold to me. I had never had someone call me that and mean it, and when I saw the look in his eyes, well, I KNEW he meant it. He really felt that was what I am. At this point, I kind of feel that way, too.
So, now I'm alone. I've got friends, yeah, but none of them can truly understand what I'm going through. My mom is getting married to a guy I hardly knew in a few weeks, my boyfriend is out of my reach, my best friend hates me and so does her boyfriend who is also my boyfriend's brother. It sounded like I lived in a soap opera. Hell, I was think of writing Jerry Springer all about it. It sure would make one kick-ass show. What would they call it, though? "I Got Caught Messing Around With My Boyfriend, His Brother Took the Rap, and Now He Hates Me and I Can't See My Boyfriend." They would have to take up the entire screen whenever they wanted to show the name of the episode!
Anyway, my mom is really running around frantically now that the wedding is in two weeks. I can't believe she made the date so soon. She begged me to be a bridesmaid, but I told her that I had just barely enough control over my anger to attend the wedding, there was no way I could stand within choking distance of the homewrecker. Okay, so he didn't wreck my home. He just killed my life, so we'll call him the life-wrecker. I made my mom invite the Hanson family, so I'll be able to see Zac, even if under close supervision. I decided if I made up with Joey, I'd invite her, too, but not until we made up.
About two and a half weeks after Zac got grounded with Taylor, I was laying in my room, listening to the radio and watching MTV's Jams Countdown at the same time when the phone rang. I hurriedly turned the volumes down and picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Kat, I'm so sorry," I heard Zac said quickly.
"Zac! What are you sorry about?" I asked confused.
"I told. I told my mom the whole thing. She knows that it was me. She ungrounded Taylor, but I'm gonna stay grounded until after the tour. We won't see each other," Zac sniffled.
"Zac, we had them! WE controlled THEIR fate! WE could have made THEM suffer for a change! Why would you do this?" I was alarmed that maybe Zac had grown a conscience about what he was doing.
"Remember when we were locked in the tree house? Remember how we caught them offgaurd when they weren't watching and escaped? Well, I think Taylor deserves the same thing. You haven't seen him. He's miserable without Joey. She seems to be his life-support. I figured I owed him an escape, too," Zac paused. "Kat, I don't like seeing my siblings suffer. No matter how mad I am at them, I want to see them happy. I love them. I love Taylor, and I don't want to watch him be without Joey anymore."
I sat, speechless, when I heard a knock on my door. "Hold on Zac," I covered the phone with one hand. "Enter if your name is not Bill!" I yelled at my door. I nearly dropped the phone when Joey came in.
"I see you're still bitter about the marriage," Joey smiled.
"Kat? Kat, you there?" I heard Zac ask when I hadn't said anything.
"Yeah, I'm here," I said, dazed and staring at the person in my room.
"I gotta go. My mom says no more phone for another week," I heard him say.
"Bye, Zac. I'll miss you," I sighed.
"I'll miss you too.... Kat?"
"Yeah?"
"Love you," he said softly.
"Love you, too," I replied and replaced the phone into its cradle. "Joey, why are you here?"
"Well, I'm here because I think it's stupid of us to fight over this. I mean, what's in the past is gone, and dwelling on it doesn't bring anything more than bad memories. Zac has confessed, and the whole thing is in the mending process. I miss being here for you," Joey said sincerely. I got up and ran to her, hugging her.
"You don't know how much I need you to be here for me right now," I hugged her tightly, glad that I had a shoulder to cry on again.
Punishment is hell. It always has been, but this time it was a little worse and a little better. Confusing, ain't it? It's worse because I can't see the girl I love, but it's better because Taylor is so happy now, he entertains me a lot. Joey comes over, too, and they both spend time with me when Mom will allow. Joey gives me updates on Kat when I haven't been able to sneak a call or anything. It's a lot nicer this way than when Taylor was holding the grudge. I had never seen him so mad at me. I guess I'll probably see it again one day.
"Zac, truth or dare?" Joey asked one day when she was over. We were sitting in our room in total silence when Joey's smile spread.
"Oh...not this game...it always ends up in tragedy. Um....truth I guess," I sighed.
"Okay, let's see....If you couldn't have Kat, who would you want?" Joey asked.
"Well, you know the answer, it would be you!" I jumped in her lap and hugged her neck.
"Zac, it's truth remember?" Joey laughed.
I just shook my head and got up like it really was a joke. I though Joey was a pretty cool person and I wouldn't have minded to have her as a girlfriend, but Kat was better. Well, not exactly better, but more like me. She and I had more in common than I would with Joey. "Probably no one. Kat's so great, I would be devistated and force myself into chastity and swear I'd never love again. Then I'd become a hermit and live naked in the woods. My turn. Taylor, truth or dare?"
"Nice answer...I'll take dare," Taylor chuckled.
"Um, call up some girl in the phone book and tell her you're madly in love with her," I smiled.
"Fine," Taylor picked up our cell phone and quickly dialed a number. I watched as he laughed wildly before the person on the other end picked up. "Darn it, an answering machine. Well, I guess I'll just have to use it. Um, listen I love you more than life itself and I don't think I can picture myself without you. Your beauty astonishes me every day and I know I can't go on living another day without telling you that you mean more to me than all the riches on this entire planet. I love you. See you soon, sweetheart."
I watched as Taylor declared his love into the phone, but stared deeply into Joey's eyes. Neither broke the stare, embarrassed, but they both just stared at each other, obvious displaying their love for each other without directly saying it. I found myself sick for Kat. I wanted to be able to say that to her and let her know that I loved her that much, but I knew I couldn't. Not only because she wasn't there, but because I wasn't sure if I understood love all that great anymore. How can you experience an emotion you don't even understand? I knew that she was a great girl and I loved her, but I was sure if I LOVED her. You know? I wasn't sure if the love I was feeling was the kind of love that everyone says makes you float on a cloud when everything is going wrong.
"My turn now. Joey, truth or dare," Taylor smiled.
"Well, I'm pretty sure I'd regret it if I took a dare, so, truth," she laughed.
"Okay, if you had one hour to live, what would you do?" I asked.
"Well, that's a hard one," Joey scrunched her face in thought. "I'd probably make sure everything was right with God right then. I would ask forgivness and ask him to take care of me as I passed away. I would also ask him to take care of you and my family, too. Then, I would spend thirty minutes saying goodbye to my family, and then I would come to you and I would spend my remaining time in your arms, just soaking up your warmth and wondering how I was going to be content when I lost you."
"Eww, mushy stuff. I'm leavin!" I laughed, leaving them alone in the room. I figured I owed Taylor some alone time with Joey.
I wondered downstairs and found Isaac not looking his brightest.
"Hey, Chewie, what the dilly-yo?" I smiled.
"You're not Busta Rhymes, so don't even try," he said dejectedly.
"Sorry, Ike. Are you upset or something?" I asked in a concerned tone.
"No, of course not. The whole world thinks I'm a prepubescent kid like my younger brother with a high voice and no sex drive. To them I'll never grow up, only richer. Of course I'm not upset. Why would I be upset about a little thing like that?" Isaac narrowed his eyes. I decided not to take his comments personally. Isaac was what I guess the called the "temperamental artist" and I'd have to live with it. He'd always been a bit dramatic, but lately, though, it seems that he had become worse.
Now that Joey and I were at least on speaking terms again, I called her and invited her to the wedding.
"Sure I'll come, but Kat, you really should be in the wedding, just for your mom."
"Why?!?!" I asked. "Why should I be in a wedding I don't approve of?"
"Because it means a lot to your mom. You know, even though Bill seems to be interfering with your relationship with your mom.....you're not doing much to try to make it better. Instead of sitting around your room, which you are now allowed out of, you could be spending time with your mom, talking things over, making her understand why you don't like Bill. Cause I talked to her and she just thinks you are throwing a little hissy fit cause its not just the two of you anymore, but its more than that. Even I can see that. You have to understand that, as bad as this sounds, you are being incredibly selfish. I'm not telling you you have to give Bill a chance, or even be his friend, just stop ruining your relationship with your mother." She finished. Joey's words stung me, but I realized they were true. And my I stopped talking for a second and listened to the radio play, trying to hold the tears back.
"Tell me how it feels to be, the one who turns the knife inside of me......there's a hole, in my soul...." Aerosmith's Steven Tyler sung. It was weird that specific part came on at that time. It seemed explanitory of how my mom probably felt, and what I was doing to her soul.
"Your right." I softly agreed as tears slid down my cheeks. "I have to go do something, I'll call you back later." I hung up with Joey, wiped my eyes and walked downstairs. "Come on mom." I began to drag her from the kitchen.
"Where are we going?" she asked a little concerned.
"To fit me for a bridesmaid's dress." I smiled. I looked at her and saw the pure relief in her eyes. She was so happy I finally was accepting the almost inevitable.
"Thank you." She hugged me. Then we left.
Well, mom and dad decided to be incredibly sweet and show great mercy on Kat and Zac by letting them get together one more time before we left for touring. That is because Joey, Ike and I discussed it and, even though I have little patience with Kat at this time, I convinced mom that Kat was turning over a new leaf. After Joey called me and explained Kat really was turning over a new leaf, that gave me more reason too. So I did....and the only catch is, its a country western dance our church is throwing. Our church loves throwing dances, obviously. This is the second one already. But, the other thing is that they have to stay in view of mom and dad. Hehe...parental supervision is required. But I still think its more than merciful. Zac is going to call Kat in a few seconds and break the news. I get to sit back and watch the conversation. Joey thinks I'm sweet for doing that for them, I mean, look what they did to us....but I hate seeing my little brother distressed like that. Even if he is the worlds biggest pain in the ass. But I still love him, and he's calling Kat right now.
"Kat!?!" I yelled.
"HI ZAC! Aren't you talking a little loud? And why are you calling me so early in the day? You're gonna get nailed."
"I'm allowed to be talking to you right now. Mom said I could call you and invite you to a country/western dance that our church is having. Its happening two days before we leave and that will be the only time I can see you before we leave. But the catch is we have to stay in my parents view. So, no funny business."
"Wow! THATS GREAT! I'd love to come! How in the hell did all this come about?!?"
"Well, Tay decided to show great mercy on me and you by telling my mom you were turning over a new leaf in your life. He's the greatest brother. Ike and Joey backed him up. They are the greatest people and we are lucky to know them, and be related to some of them, except in your case."
"All right, well, give me the info on the dance, I'm sure my mom will let me go, and I'll talk to you then."
"Okay, its next Saturday, at our church. You know where it is, but Mom says we can pick you up. Its from 5:30 until 11:30 and I think that's long enough. Oh, one more thing, you do have to dress for the occasion. Boots, one of those dresses that cowgirls wear and a hat will do nicely. Just think, I have to wear Ropers and a weirdo shirt. We'll look funny, but we'll have fun."
"Haha, I can see you in some real tight Levi's right now Zac." She made me laugh, cause I knew what she was picturing.
"So, that's that. And I'll see ya next Saturday....YEE-HAW!" She cracked up at that one.
"Bye. Love ya."
"Bye. Love ya more." I added on a more sincere note. Then I hung up. I felt relieved I had talked to her "legally" and had a decent conversation.
"So Tay," I turned my chair around to talk to him, and ask him what he planned on wearing for the dance, and he was sleeping. "Dork." I said out loud, shaking my head. Then I walked out into the living room.
Chapters 37-38
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