Ashley and I continued talking for a while longer; I didn't notice how long. We talked about anything and everything, up to and including our relationships with Taylor. And I found out something that I had suspected was true, but hadn't wanted to admit it: Ashley and Taylor truly were perfect for each other. They had so many things in common; Ashley told me that she and Taylor often tried to guess what the other was thinking, usually successfully. Taylor and I, on the other hand, had had next to nothing in common when we were going out; we were just two kids who were in love...or thought we were.
After a while, Taylor came up to us. I stepped back slightly, because I figured that he wanted to talk to Ashley...she was his fiancee, after all. But Taylor said, "Monica, I really need to talk to you."
"Okay," I replied, following him outside, where we sat down on the porch steps. "What's up?"
"I just thought it would be best if we talked about...you know...what happened last time we were together."
"Oh," I said softly, not wanting the tears to fall, but knowing that it was probably a futile hope. "I...I'm sorry for what happened, I really am. I should have told you about it, I guess...or maybe not gone at all."
"No, Moni, don't say that! It's not your fault...you were just trying to help a friend. I jumped to conclusions, and then didn't believe you when you told the truth. I was upset about the whole tour issue, true...but that doesn't excuse what I did. And then just leaving you like that, without a word, hardly...it was wrong of me, and I'm sorry."
"Tay, it's okay," I said; though the tears were falling now, they were tears of happiness. I put my arms around him and hugged him tightly. Then something occurred to me, and I smiled through my tears.
"What are you smiling about?" Taylor asked, although he was smiling, too.
I laughed. "It's just that...ever since we broke up, we've called each other by our whole names. Even tonight, when we first saw each other, it was 'Monica' and 'Taylor'. But just now, you called me 'Moni'...something that I haven't heard from your mouth in over eight years. I missed that sound, Tay," I admitted.
"I missed calling you that, too," he replied. "And I notice you're calling me 'Tay' now, too. I guess there's something about making up after an eight-year fight that brings people closer together."
I laughed. "No, really? I always thought that when you make up after a fight, you become even farther apart!"
Taylor laughed. "You're impossible, you know?"
"So I've been told," I replied, "but I don't know whether I should believe it...especially considering who it was that told me!"
"Hey!" Taylor protested. "What's wrong with me?"
"Hmm, let's see," I joked, pretending to count things off on my fingers. "No, I'm kidding...there's nothing wrong with you at all! You are absolutely perfect, Taylor Hanson...and don't you ever forget it!"
"Oh, I know I am!" he kidded. "But then again, so are you...and so is Ash...and Jules...and Ike...and Zac..."
"Tay, stop it!" I said. "Zac, perfect?"
"Yeah, he's perfectly Zac!"
I laughed again. "Now who's the impossible one?"
"Hmm...I believe that would still be...you!"
Suddenly, I had a sense of deja vu. "Tay, you know what this reminds me of?"
"What?"
"The way we're joking around here...it reminds me of the way things used to be, when you first came back to Austin, when we were friends, before you asked me out." I sighed. "Maybe...if things had stayed that way, and we'd never gone out...maybe we'd have stayed in touch all these years. Maybe it would have been better if we had never gone out."
"Moni, don't say that," Taylor begged. "Those few months that we were dating...they were the best months of my life. They're still some of my fondest memories. I don't regret going out with you at all, and I hope you feel the same."
"Oh, I don't regret it," I assured him quickly. "It's just the part after it that I regret."
"Yeah, I know. I feel the same way. But I am glad that I went out with you, despite that. You were my first love, Moni...that's not something that I can just forget."
"Tay, you were my first love, too," I said softly. Then, in an undertone so he couldn't hear my next words, I whispered, "You're still my only love."
Chapter 11 - Not Up Yet
Can't Let Go
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