I walked to the door slowly. This was it...the moment I had both hoped for and dreaded since he first left me. Would he even remember me? Would he hate me? Would he have moved on, found someone else? Or would he, amazingly, still have feelings for me? And what if he did? I didn't know what I’d do if he still liked me. On the one hand, he was the one who broke my heart all those years ago, and I didn’t want that to happen again. On the other hand...
The thought trailed off as Taylor Hanson entered the room. All of a sudden, I could not move, speak, or even breathe. On the other hand, I completed the thought I’d started earlier, I am still as much in love with him as I ever was.
I stood there, watching him from across the room. He was still greeting his family and hadn't noticed me. I stared at him, noting how different he looked, yet still the same.
His blond hair had grown out since I had last seen him. It reached his shoulders again by this time, and was hanging there loosely. I smiled a little at that, remembering how I had always liked his hair better loose than when he pulled it back. He wasn't really any taller, and I supposed that he had reached his full height already by the time I had first met him. Finally, I allowed my gaze to go where it had tried to wander since he walked in the room...his eyes. I couldn't see them very well from the other side of the room, but even from that distance I could tell that they were just as blue, just as emotional, just as soulful, as they had ever been.
I tore my gaze away as Taylor began to look around the room...what he was searching for, I had no idea, but hoped that it wasn't me. I wasn't ready to face him yet.
Just then, I heard Taylor's voice from where he was talking to Isaac. "So, who is this guest you've brought with you this time?"
I froze. Please, don't tell him, I begged silently.
I was in the middle of trying to mentally convince Isaac not to tell Taylor about me, when Jamie came over. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.
I nodded, then motioned for her to be quiet so I could hear Isaac's response. Casually, he said, "Oh, just a friend." I breathed a sigh of relief, which was quickly stifled after I heard him continue, "She's actually Angel's gymnastics coach. We met her a few weeks ago, and she and Jamie really hit it off."
"What's her name?" Taylor asked. "And where is she?"
Isaac seemed to ignore the first question, much to my relief. He scanned the room quickly, finally noticing Jamie standing beside me. "She's over there with Jamie," he said, pointing Taylor in the right direction.
"No..." I breathed. I couldn't face him yet, I just couldn't. Turning to Jamie, I said softly, "I'll be right back." She nodded understandingly, and I hurried from the room.
As Taylor and Isaac approached Jamie, they both looked confused by my sudden disappearance. Isaac stepped close to Jamie, murmuring, "Where is she?"
"She'll be right back," Jamie said.
Meanwhile, I was standing in the next room, trying to decide what I should do. I could hear the conversation going on between Isaac, Jamie, and Taylor, and I knew my absence couldn't be explained away for too long, but I didn't think I was ready to face Taylor yet.
Finally, I made my decision. I would go out and see Taylor. I had to prove to myself that I was over him, even though I wasn't. But I knew that he was over me and had been since he left, so I had no choice. Besides, I admitted to myself, I do want to see him again.
Slowly, I walked back into the living room. Jamie immediately saw me and came over to me. "Are you sure you're ready?" she asked.
I nodded. "I can't keep hiding from him, Jules. I'll have to face him sooner or later...and it might as well be sooner."
Jamie had a thoughtful smile on her face when I said that. "You still like him, don't you?"
"Yes," I whispered. "But you can't tell him. He mustn't know I still have feelings for him."
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of telling him! That's for you to do, in your own time. Which doesn't have to be tonight," she added as Isaac and Taylor walked up to us.
I couldn't help myself. I was staring at Taylor as he approached. I knew he still hadn't seen me, but I also knew that was about to change. He and Isaac came over, and after saying simply, "This is our friend," Isaac went to stand beside his wife. Taylor was left standing in front of me. For the first time in eight years, Taylor's eyes met mine.
Taylor looked slightly confused as he looked at me. "Do I...know you?" he asked. "You look so familiar. You almost remind me of..." he trailed off, then his eyes widened in shock as I smiled and nodded slightly. "Oh my gosh," he said. "Monica?!?!"
"Hello, Taylor," I almost whispered. Suddenly, on impulse, I ran and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so much," I murmured.
"I missed you, too," he said back. "I can't believe it's you! How are you doing?"
I was about to answer when another voice broke the silence.
"Tay, what are you doing?"
It was a female voice. Taylor pulled away from me quickly, and we both turned to face the newcomer.
For a second, I nearly thought it was an angel standing in front of me. She was everything I'd ever dreamed of being...tall and slender, with long gold curls, and eyes as blue as Taylor's. Who is this? I wondered. Taylor's girlfriend? I can certainly understand if she is...I mean, I knew he wouldn't stay single forever, and I definitely see why he would choose this girl. Still, I hoped I was wrong.
And I was. Taylor turned to her and said, "Ashley, I'd like you to meet Monica, one of my old friends." Then he turned to me and said, "Monica, this is Ashley...my fiance."
Chapter 9
Can't Let Go
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