"I don't believe him! He accuses me of eavesdropping, just because he can't find it in his limited mind to accept that two people could have met in a dream. It's not enough that he causes my best friend's heart to break by setting her up with his brother, who uses her to get rid of his ex. It's not even enough that he nearly fooled me into liking him. If he really liked me, much less loved me, then he would trust me. Since he obviously doesn't, he must have never liked me at all. He was just using me, just like his brother used Jamie, only it's worse since he doesn't have an ex to get rid of. He was just stringing me along, trying to make me like him. I bet he planned to embarrass me and break my heart once I finally found the courage to admit my feelings. Well, Taylor, I'm sorry to say you won't have that chance. I'm through with you. But why, oh why, does he have to be so...so...so likeable? I can't help myself. I hate him; I know that. So why is it that I still find myself completely and utterly in love with him? Why does it have to be my life that is so screwed up? Why do I have to love the same person whom I also hate? I want to forgive him, to tell him how I feel, but I just can't. How will I ever get out of this mess??? I guess the only thing I can do is just to forget him. It will hurt, I know, but it's the only way. I am completely finished with Taylor Hanson...permanently. It is over for good...not that there was ever anything there to begin with. It's better this way. If I let myself fall in love with him any more than I already have, then I'll just end up getting my heart broken. I won't let that happen...I won't let myself love him anymore. But why does it have to hurt so much? Why can't I get over this? Why must I admit that no matter what I do, I will still love Taylor Hanson? Because it is the truth. I do love him. Then how can I also hate him? Which feeling is stronger? I'm so confused! I just don't know what to do. Jamie would know what to do. She's so lucky. She knows that she is in love with Isaac, and it's obvious that he loves her, too. Despite what they've gone through, I can tell that they are meant to be. Too bad it won't be that way for me. I am through with Taylor. I don't know what came over me earlier. I can't believe I actually thought I loved him. Oh well. It's over now, and this time it's for good."
"This is so incredible what has been happening lately. I still can't believe I found her. She is the person I've searched for all my life, the piece I didn't know was missing until I found her. I can't believe how stupid I am! The very first time I met her, I had to let Karen get the best of me. I just couldn't take it anymore! At that moment, I hated Karen more than I loved Jamie, so I was worrying more about getting Karen to leave me alone than I was about Jamie's happiness. I can't believe what I did to her. And I am still amazed that she even forgave me, much less even likes me. I know now how much I love her, and I know that I have to tell her. I did tell her in the dream, but I don't know if she even had that dream, or if it was just me. She did mention a dream earlier, but I don't know if it was that dream or not. I hope it was. It would make it much easier to tell her how I feel if she already knew from the dream. But what if she did have that dream, but didn't believe it? What do I do then? I don't want to scare her. And what if she never had that dream at all? What if I tell her how I feel, only to find that she doesn't feel the same? I think I'd die if she didn't care for me in the way I care for her. Well, I know what I have to do. I have to tell her how I feel, no matter what she says or does afterwards. But what am I gonna do about Karen? What if she decides she isn't sorry after all? What if she decides she wants me back? I know I won't go back out with her, no matter what, but what if she threatens Jamie again? No, I won't let myself think about that. First things first...I need to tell Jamie how I feel, and as soon as possible, before something else happens."
"Oh man, oh man...life is so complicated. It's like suddenly everything is going downhill. Sure, I've got my music, but what good is it if I don't have the girl I love by my side? I sure screwed things up in a major way this time. If only she knew...if only she knew how sorry I was. If only she didn't hate me!! I don't know how I'll ever win her back. I don't think she'll let me near her heart ever again. What do I do?? It's bad enough Ike practically has Jamie, the girl of his dreams. I don't even know what to think about the whole dream thing. All I want to do is go back into that room and hold Monica and tell her everything I need to tell her. I know I won't sleep tonight. My thoughts are too jumbled up inside. I've got to think of something before I go nuts...."
"Poor Monica...poor Taylor. I feel so bad for the both of them. It's written all over Taylor's face that he's genuinely sorry, that he'll do anything to make it up. But Moni...oh, I know Moni still loves him. It's obvious to me, why can't it be obvious to her?? Why is it that I always seem to be right? Everyone treats me like I'm a breakable doll. Say a wrong thing and poor Jamie gets all upset. What really makes me upset most in this world is when people who love each other destroy each other. I can't let that happen to Taylor and Moni. I just can't. It's not fair. I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do anything to prove it. And Isaac...well, I don't even know. It's like I can see anything in anyone...Isaac is the one I see the most in. Genuinely upset, caring, pushing his own feelings aside...what does he feel for me? Does he love me like I love him? The dream really messed me up. I thought things were going so well. I was falling for him, and I know he was falling for me, but now the dream complicates things. I can't go up to him and say, 'Yo, Ike, you wanna do something?' because that's not how it works. Long ago, I decided Isaac was my destiny. Now he's right in front of me...and I have no clue what to do."
Chapter 16
Forbidden Angels
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