As I Look Into

Written by: J.T. Holden c.2002

Father its me yet again

No longer fearing the end

I just want to make it clear

That I pray for everyone in here

So they no longer have the fear

Of trying to get to know you

Sometimes we really don’t know what to do

I wish that people could really feel my energy

My passion, my love, for you Lord, this is where I want to be

See we all have to walk that straight and narrow

But the sadness is that everyone wont go

At times yeah it does break me to tear, so I cry and cry

But back in the old times, all I could wish for is to die

All I could want for myself is to just fly

And fly for nothing sacred, nothing spiritual

Just doing what I normally did, you know, the usual

I would cuss a lot, listen to other peoples pain

And take their pain, but hid my pain, times I would go insane

I would always be the one there for all my friends

If I saw them cry, I would love them to the very end

But not on your terms Father

But not on your conditions Father

All I did was to halter

The growth in my life, I thought so much of me getting a wife

And then I did, and where did it lead me to

Pain, anger, frustration, sadness, no longer wanting my life

And all I thought was where was you

Did you leave me?

Did you not love me anymore?

Did I do so much bad, that it sent you away from me?

At times I remember I would walk into my apartment door

Apartment number 5, on the bottom floor

And I would see images, and cry, and songs of the world did not cure

I would revert, to not care, not to be happy and pure

There were times that you were sending help my way

But I was so blind, I didn’t want to live another day

As I look into the value of my life

No longer living for myself, no more selfish pride

No longer wanting to hurt people with his knife

No longer hating people, I put that all aside

No longer feeling alone and lonely

No longer searching for her and her pain

No longer crying out to others so they could ignore me

No longer saying your name in vain

Aggression has been replace by passion

Negative by positive

Fear by hope

Disrespect by respect

Sadness by happiness

Love by Honor

Though I love you lord, and all in hear to the end

As I look into you

I see you in me