Ode to Imperial
You say you're going to leave us, you say you're going to go.
I'm sure you won't deceive us, I'm sure that it is so.
Just why you'd want to wander, I really cannot say,
What with all the lightening and thunder and tornados March through May.
And yes, it's true, the average year it rains twelve inches--apart.
But for batting practice the field is clear, when the hail storms start!
And don't be alarmed by hail the size of baseballs, friend.
It happens so seldom and well, we all need new roofs now and then.
But at least earthquakes are uncommon. For that we can bless our souls.
But I wonder what on God's green earth causes those sink holes?
And what if the wind does squall nigh on half the year?
At least the dirt and sand and all only piles up to your ear.
Summers here are the greatest if you want to get a tan.
(This basin, folks, let's face it, is a West Texas frying pan!)
But the winters at least are mild. The weatherman tells us so.
(But at times it drives you wild when it falls from 60 to 9 below!)
And don't we have every convenience of any modern home?
(But I wouldn't bet a nickle on finding a working phone!)
And maybe the electric power does go off each time the wind blows.
But at least the gas is never off for an hour. (Except, that is, when it snows.)
So the water's really not the best. (It's harder than a rock!)
But it puts a natural stiffness in your vest. (And corrosion in your sock!)
O.K., so I admit it, the hunting's not so great.
As for fishing, you can forget it. (Those gar fish just don't rate!)
The flora here is so unique, you'll miss it should you part.
But please don't pick the occasional bloom, for it would surely smart!
For I don't believe a native plant exists that has no thorns.
(What is it about this crazy place, even the lizards have horns!)
Don't worry about those tarantulas crawling all around,
They never hardly bite, and they never make a sound.
Unlike those nasty rattlers who lurk around unseen
And buzz like angry tattlers and make you want to scream.
So if you've still decided to venture on your way,
This poem I've just recited should help along the way.
When obstacles you face, whenever you are blue,
Just remember all you left behind and that should comfort you!
--N.K. McDowell
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