Lightning Rain

¤ ¤ ¤ Taylor had gotten grounded for two weeks. He knew Zac and Ike were happy that he hadn't been there while they were being questioned. They had another performance scheduled for Saturday. that was in two days. He had given up all hope of getting his brothers to talk to him. It seemed like he had some sort of disease and they didn't want to catch it. He felt as if he was separated from the world. His parents didn't even know what was happening between them. Taylor was growing farther and farther from the real world. He would practice his music on his own. The always quiet Taylor Hanson had become even more so. He barely spoke to anyone. And he spent the days in his room. Only coming out to eat or practice. He even did his school work in his room. Tay was in there now. Trying to write a song. One that would explain how he felt. But for some reason it didn't sound right. Frustrated he threw down the notebook. He felt like screaming. Instead he went downstairs into the garage. Seeing the drawings on the walls that he had been neglecting made him feel sad. But he hadn't come down here to draw. Moving over to his piano he sat down. Playing around on it for about an hour or two he had come up with a tune. His fingers were gliding across the smooth keys, playing the notes. It was the most saddest song he had ever heard in his life. Tay was shocked that HE, the usually happy Taylor even thought about playing a song like that. After ending it he turned around and looked at the drum set and guitar. Normally Ike and Zac would be down here with him. 'Normal' that felt like years ago. Taylor was on one planet and Zachary and Isaac on another. He sat up so fast the stool clattered to the floor. Taylor didn't bother picking it up. He just went up the stairs. Back in his room he worked some more on the song until he felt to tired to work. Then he fell asleep.

It was around eleven when Tay woke up. He went down stairs , grabbing the cereal, a bowl, and some milk he went back up stairs and ate. Then he did his school. After finishing it all up he brought it all back down the stairs and put it up. Ike and Zac were playing some game they must've bought recently on the Play Station. They were laughing. Taylor felt sick just watching them. He was running back up the stairs when his mom came in front of him and said "We're out of diapers Zoe's gonna need some, and soon. Could you go to the store and get me some? Please?" "Couldn't you send Isaac?" "No, besides, you need to get out of the house." "Whatever.." He said as he took her money and walked out the door. The last time he had been outside was when they had gone to preform. It was really hot out today and he wished he had on shorts. Reaching the store he scanned the aisles for the diapers. Finally finding it he grabbed the package and headed towards the check-out. He heard someone say quietly "Taylor, Taylor Hanson. Is that you?" Remembering the last time someone recognized him, he felt like he should keep walking. But he didn't. Tay turned around and saw a girl around the age of thirteen or fourteen. "Yeah." He felt weird. This was the first time in what seemed like forever someone his age was talking to him. "Hi! My name's Stacey." She said brightly. "Hi." He didn't know what she wanted him to say. "Your music's cool! I listen to it a lot! Um.. When's your next album coming out?" "I don't know." He thought he should be saying "Never." 'cause that was the way he felt. She looked really excited. "When's your tour." "I don't know." He said again. Now she looked disappointed. "Well, I gotta go." Taylor said, wishing he could talk to her but he didn't know what to say. "Oh, all right. Do you think I could have your autograph?" "I guess." Tay said, putting down the package of Hugs. She pulled out a shopping list and turned it over, then gave it to him as well as a pen. He put the paper up to a cereal box and signed it. Then handed it back to her. "Thanks! Keep up the good work!" Hah! Good work! Yeah right! He thought.

Once back home he gave the package to his mom. Then went back to his room, shutting his door.

Runaway
The next night, Taylor found himself once again in front of the audience. This time he was looking into the crowd. His bruises had healed. The Hanson brothers hadn't practiced together, so he knew they wouldn't do very good. They also hadn't decided on anything to sing. So, once he got out there he got behind the keyboard and started to sing "Weird" It was the song that he thought explained how he felt. This performance was worse than the last. Taylor almost stopped in the middle of it and walked off. Once it was all over they loaded into the car and drove home. Tay was glad there wasn't an interview. They got home and Diana made dinner. At the table while eating, everyone was talking except for Taylor. He felt like it was torture sitting there while they all talked. It was finally over, he had finished eating, and cleaning out his plate. Once again he went to their room. Falling asleep as soon as he hit the bed.

Taylor woke up to find his throat was dry. He looked at his watch and saw that it was 12:11 a.m. Slowly he rolled out of bed. He trudged down the stairs into the kitchen. Tay got a glass and turned on the tap until it was full. He took a couple drinks then poured the rest out. Walking past his parents room he heard his name. Suddenly he stopped and cupped his ear to the door. "There's something wrong. He barely speaks to us. Or comes out of his room, and the performance they did tonight was horrible. So was the last." His mother said. Then he heard his fathers voice "I know, I'm worried about him too. Maybe we should talk to him." "He wont tell us what's bothering him and you know it! He still hasn't said what happened to his face in that fight." "I haven't seen Taylor, Isaac, and Zachary together in a long time. It's always just Isaac and Zac. They never practice together anymore. And I know Tay wouldn't let go of music that easily. He loves it; They all do." His father said. "Maybe we should take him to a doctor. A professional." "Diana! What are you saying? This is our son, Taylor." "I know...It's just.. If he wont talk to us he might talk to someone else." "You know how Tay is, he is shy around strangers." Walker said. Then they stopped talking. This was too much for him. He sat down. My parents are going to take me to a phsyciatrist! No! I wont let it happen. There isn't any point in me staying anyway, the band's falling apart and Zac and Ike will never talk to me. Making up his mind he went to his room and searched through the drawers. He pulled out two pairs of jeans, a t-shirt, and a long sleeve. Then grabbing his back-pack he shoved them in. Searching in another drawer he got two pairs of socks and a couple other things. He quickly changed into another pair of jeans and a black long sleeve. Then he laced up his maroon Dr. Martens. Gathering up all his money he threw that in too. Finally he went to the bathroom and got some accessories, like, hair brush, tooth brush etc. Once he was ready he silently crept down the stairs. Grabbing his favourite red jacket/shirt that he had thrown over a chair he put it on and put the pack over his shoulder. Then slipped out the door.

¤ ¤ ¤ He had walked until around six thirty. Tay knew his parents wouldn't expect him to be up until at least eleven. So, they wouldn't start getting suspicious for another five hours. Anyway in case his brothers actually looked at his bed he had put his pillow under the blanket to make it look like he was still there.

It had been an hour and Tay was now on a bus, he didn't remember how much money he had spent, or where he was going. Suddenly feeling tired, he lay his head back in the chair, and slept.

¤ ¤ ¤ He awoke to screeching of brakes. The bus had stopped. People were getting off. He got up and followed the line of people. The sun was very bright. Taylor put on his Oakley sun glasses that he didn't even know he had brought. He knew exactly what he was going to do first. There were two things that made people recognize him, and that was his hair, and his necklaces. He looked around for the nearest barber. Walking inside the air conditioned shop he told the person what he wanted done. He took off his necklaces and put them in his bag. Then looked through a boring magazine until someone called his name, Taylor got up and sat in the chair she had motioned to, Tay could not believe he was doing this. He didn't want to do it, but he kept reminding himself that he would be recognized if he didn't, and that it would grow back. Taylor got it cut the way he had when he was little. He couldn't believe how short it was. Tay felt so stupid. Once he had paid the lady, he walked back to the bus stop and bought a ticket to a city called Okmulgee that left in an hour. So, he decided to get something to eat. Finding the nearest fast food he stopped. It was McDonalds and he didn't want what happened to him before to happen again. Then he remembered that they probably wouldn't recognize him. So, he went in. After ordering he sat down and ate his burger. Tay carefully watched everyone around him, just waiting for someone to say his name. Then he finished. Walking back to the bus stop he waited around 'till the bus came. Then he got on. He sat down feeling like everyone knew he had run away. Taylor turned towards the window and watched as cars sped by. Nobody said anything to him, and he was relieved. The trip was taking forever and Tay was getting more nervous by the minute. He felt like any second now he would go crazy and start screaming. Searching through his pack for something to do, he saw something sticking out of the pocket of one of the jeans he packed. Pulling out the paper he saw his drawing of Ike, Zac and him preforming. He stared at it for a few minutes then angrily threw it back in his bag. Taylor put his head against the window, closing his eyes, but not sleeping.

Once again he was getting off the bus. Now all he wanted to do was walk. He couldn't stand sitting down for too long. While walking he didn't even notice that he hung his head. It happened automatically now. All he saw were people's shoes. He wondered if his parents found out that he was gone yet, and if they did what his brothers thought. They're probly happy I'm out of their lives. Now they wont even have to take the trouble to pretend I'm not there. He thought grimly. Taylor looked up and saw that it was dark. He hadn't even noticed the light change. Knowing he would need somewhere to sleep he looked around for a doorway. Finally finding one he sat down. Tay counted his money. Twenty bucks left. Wonder how far that'll get me. He saw someone stumble by, obviously drunk. Curling up he lay his head on his pack. Trying to remember how many times he had slept that day. Amazed that he could actually be tired again. Then he drifted off.

Famous, to homeless
Taylor had taken a bus that morning to a city called Henryetta, he just now arrived. Now he was broke and hungry, but he felt safer. It wouldn't be so easy to find him now. He sat down on a bench and thought of what he would do next. The only way he could think of to get money was to beg. He grinned, yesterday I was famous and rich. Now I'm nobody, and begging. Tay had already begun to miss his music. "Well, better get to it." He said to himself. Walking to the nearest building he sat down against it. Holding out his hands like he had seen other homeless people do. After hours of sitting there while only getting a penny, he felt mad that he had just walked past the homeless. Taylor heard someone say "You're a bit young to be out here on the streets aren't you?" Tay followed the sound of the voice to a man sitting not far from him, doing the same thing he was doing. "Uh..No." He swallowed nervously. The guy moved over to sit beside him and asked "How are old are you, son?" "I'm...Um...fifteen." He just knew the man had recognized him. "Name's Steve, what's yours?" "Uh...Jordan." Tay had decided in the begging to use his first name. Taylor (or Jordan) let out his breath quickly. that meant the guy (or Steve) hadn't recognized him. "So, What'cha doin' out here?" Steve asked. "Nothing." Now he was getting nervous again. "You run away?" "No!" He felt like he should get away from this guy before he asked any more questions. "Not much luck today huh?" Steve said as he motioned towards Taylor's hands. It was very obvious that the guy didn't believe him about not running away. But he tried to make it look like he believed him. "Nope." The guy was trying to start a conversation, but Tay had gone all shy and couldn't help but answer with short sentences. "You look awfully skinny, here take some of my money and get yourself something." Steve was searching through his pockets. "No, no it's your money. Anyway, I'm not that hungry." "Yes! Take the money. Just get me something too okay?" Steve handed him a wad of bills. "All right, thanks." He didn't know how he could refuse again. As he walked, he thought of how the man must really trust him, to give him extra money. After getting a meal at Burger King he ate it, and got another one for Steve, and walked back to were he had been sitting. But Steve wasn't there anymore. Tay looked all around, there was no sign of him. Taylor sat down and decided to wait for him to get back. He drifted in and out of sleep all night. Steve never showed up. So, Tay ate the now cold meal. Over the night he had gotten 25 cents. At this rate, I'll starve to death. He got up and decided to move. Maybe people would be more generous somewhere else. Taylor found a little park and decided to walk through it. There was a small stream. Tay stopped and watched the water running over the pebbles. He cupped his hand and took a drink, then moved on. He was now on the other side of town. Taylor sat down again. He pulled out his drawing and turned it over to the blank side. Getting a pencil he started to write. He wrote a song that was a mixture between "Weird" and the song he had started at home, put into the tune that he had played on the piano. Suddenly he wanted to sing. Not even thinking of how it would draw attention he stood up and sang his new song. It was definitley a sad song. Once it was over he noticed that there were four or five people standing there clapping. He smiled and felt happier. This was what he was meant to be doing. Even though he thought it was bad because he didn't have his brothers to harmonize with, they started giving him money, After they had left, he looked and saw he had five dollars. Cool! If I keep this up I'll soon have enough money for another bus ticket.

Jumper
It was two days later and Taylor was in Oklahoma City. That night Tay started thinking again. I bet nobody's even looking for me. Well good! I don't want to be found. Ike and Zac are probably having the time of their life without me around. Wonder how many fans we have left. Probly none! The band isn't together anymore. Unless Isaac and Zac are on their own now. They can't do that to me! Tay felt really depressed and alone. He started walking again. Taylor didn't know how far he had walked. It was dark, and he was standing on a ledge. You could see the whole city below. It was really steep. There was a bar blocking him from the edge, Suddenly it hit him, he knew what he was going to do, He walked up to the bar and climbed over. Holding on, he looked down. I'll make everyone happy if I jump. When I'm gone I wont have to think of Zachary or Isaac. I wont have to feel this way much longer. As he was about to let go he heard someone yell "No! Don't!" Why can't you be like everyone else and stay out of my life? He thought. He ignored the shouting and closed his eyes. "Please don't jump!" They said again. "What do you care if I jump or not?" He asked, angry that someone was interrupting him, when he finally had found a way to get away from his life. "I care. Please, just come back over here, you're scaring me." "So what if you care? I don't care. And if I'm scaring you, just ignore me." He felt someone touch his hand. Which frightened him, almost making him let go. He sat down on the small ledge. "Don't you EVER touch me again!!" He yelled. "I'm sorry, I wont do that again." "Can't you just leave me alone?" He asked. "No! If you would come over here...We could talk about...Whatever's bothering you." "Nothings bothering me." "Yeah right! Then why were you about to kill yourself?" "What makes you think I want to talk to you?" Taylor asked. "You don't have to talk to me. Just please, come here." "Whatever." Taylor said, climbing back over. Thinking he could wait 'till whoever it was left, then do it again, but this time let go. He saw that it was a girl around fourteen. Tay sat down, this time on the other side of the bar. "Okay, I'm here, you happy now?" She came over and sat in front of him. "Thanks, I was worried you wouldn't listen and jump anyway." "I still might, so don't get too glad." "Well, my name's Amanda. What's your's?" "Jordan... If you just got me down, to chit-chat, I might as well just go back over." "No! Don't do that! Do you want to talk about..Whatever it is?" "No." He said stubbornly. "Well, then how do I help you?" "You don't" "I want to help you though." Amanda said. "No you don't. Besides, I don't really care if you want to help me or not." Taylor hated being questioned, so before she could ask anymore he asked "What were you doing out so late?" Glancing at his light up watch, which showed that it was one forty-six in the morning. "I couldn't sleep. So, I took a walk. I live just over there." She motioned to somewhere behind her. "Why don't you go back there then? And leave me to what I want to do?" "Because I know you now, and if I leave. You'll jump, and that'll be on my conscious for the rest of my life!" "Fine! What if I promise you I wont jump tonight. Then if I jump any other time you wont know about it. And you can forget about me." He said. Then thought Like everyone else. " I can't just forget about you, and anyway how do I know you'll keep your promise?" Taylor couldn't handle it. Someone his age was talking to him. He couldn't remember the last time that had happened. Tay didn't know what else to say and she was confusing him. So, he did the first thing that came to mind. He jumped up and screamed "Just stay out of my life!" Then ran. It was all open grass so she could easily follow him. He ran out of the park and down as many alleys as possible. After convincing himself that she wasn't behind him, he stopped. Then he realized that he had put his pack down when he was going to jump, and he had run off without picking it up. Everything he owned was in that bag, even his money. He sat down and put his head in his hands. I can't believe how much of an idiot I am! Now I have nothing. Tay knew what he would have to do. So, after about two hours he got up and made his way back to the park. Taylor couldn't believe that he actually found his way back. Cautiously he crept, looking back and forth nervously. Amanda wasn't there and he was glad. He noticed something else that wasn't there either. His back-pack. I could've sworn I left it here. Where is it? Tay searched frantically for over an hour. It was definitley not there. He looked over his shoulder towards the cliff. Stop it Tay! You are not going to jump! DO NOT JUMP! He made himself snap out of it. Knowing that he had to get away from it before he did, he ran as far away as possible.

Panting, he stopped. Getting his breath back he felt his eyelids start to close.

Posters, A Shower, and a Back-Pack
The next day he found that he was in the middle of a small town. He was too depressed to sing. So, he just held out his hands. Besides, his song was in his bag, and he didn't know the words yet. Hour after hour went by and he still hadn't gotten any money. He felt like screaming "Hello! I'm here, and hungry." That's when he heard Amanda's voice. "Jordan, is that you?" He hung his head even lower and hoped she would just go away, but she came closer. "What're you doing?" Taylor ignored her. She squatted down in front of him and said "Come on, look at me, please?" "What do you want? I thought I told you to stay away from me!" He yelled as he looked up. "Calm down!.... I have your back-pack." He got mad. "You what? Why didn't you just leave it there? Did you go through it? Did you take anything?" "No, I didn't go through it! It's at my house. You want it back?" Was she stupid? Of course he wanted it back! "Yes, I want it!" He got up quickly. "Follow me then." She said, smiling. He followed behind her, noticing that she had a couple of grocery bags in her hands. "You want me to help you... .Or something?" "No, I got it." She said. He shrugged his shoulders and continued to watch her feet.

Once they reached her house she put the grocery bags down and searched her pockets for a key. finding it she un-locked the door and went into the kitchen. Once she had put all the food up she went into her room. He almost died. There were posters of Hanson all over her walls. "Oh my gosh!" He said "What? Oh those!" She turned red. "Um...I think they're cool." She said. He stared at his brothers, it seemed so long since he had seen them. Amanda was searching her closet. He had to get out of there, and fast, he was getting mad just looking at their picture. Taylor walked out of the door and sat down against the wall. He wondered how come she didn't recognize him. His face was still the same wasn't it? "Jordan? Where'd you go?" She called from inside the room. "I'm here." He said. She came out and handed him his bag. "Sorry it took me so long. I had put it in my closet, which is like a mess and a half... Hey! How come you're out here?" "Uh..." He struggled to make up something. "I just don't feel comfortable with people staring at me like that." "I understand...You want something to eat? I'm starving!" Amanda said. "Sure!" Taylor tried to figure out a way to ask what he wanted to. "You think... Uh... I kind of... Stink. Could I use your shower?" He blurted.. Finally. "Um... I guess." Amanda said, then showed him the bathroom and said. "I'll be in the kitchen." "Okay, thanks." Taylor said. Not believing how nice she was being to him after he had yelled so many times at her. She has to know who I am, other wise she wouldn't be doing this. I am like a total stranger. Deciding to forget it, he got into the shower.

Taylor, Look Alike
After taking a shower, changing clothes, and eating. Amanda and Taylor were sitting at the table. Talking and drinking milk. "So how come you're out of school?" Tay asked. "I'm not. I've already done it. I'm taught at home." She answered. "Cool! Me too! Well, then were's your parents?" He asked. "Dad's at work, and mom is over at my aunt's house." She answered. "Now it's your turn. How come you're out on the streets?" "'Cause." "Come on Jordan! I gave you food, your bag, stopped you from killing yourself, and let you use the shower! Now you gotta pay me back, and the price is to tell me why you're out there." "I don't have to tell you anything!" He said getting angry and raising his voice. "I just want to help you." "I already told you! You don't want to help me!" Tay was ready to leave at any moment now. "Please, calm down. Could you tell me why you don't want my help?" "I can help myself. I'm doing fine. I don't need your help!" "You know, I could go to the police and ask if there's anyone missing that looks like you." "Now you're threatening me?!? I told you already to stay out of my life and you don't listen!" Taylor was screaming at the top of his lungs. "Stop it Jordan, just stop! I don't even know why I want to help you! If my mom found out some strange kid that was about to jump off of a cliff was in her house, and I had brought you here... You know how much trouble I would be in?!?" She had started to yell too. Tay put his head in his hands. He said quietly "I can't tell you much about me all right? So, you're just gonna hafta settle with what I tell you." She realized that she was finally gonna get some information on the boy. So, she said "Okay, I'll listen." "I.. Ran away, I'm not gonna tell you where I live, just that it isn't in this city. I couldn't stand being there anymore. My... Uh.. Brothers and I used to be really.. Um.. Close. Then they just cut me off and started hanging with each other. They looked... Like.. Right through me and wouldn't talk to me, and I kind of just stayed to myself and just got out of their way. My parents were gonna take me to a doctor. I didn't need one of those people. So, I ran. I've been on my own for about a week or something." He hoped she wouldn't be able to figure out who he was but what he had said. He hadn't exactly explained the whole reason of why he had run away. She put her hand on his. "Thanks for telling me.." Before she had time to say any more, someone came in. Taylor jumped up. Sending the chair flying. He looked for a place to hide. Clutching his pack tightly he ran into the next room and stood against the wall, scared to death. Amanda yelled after him. Tay heard her talking to someone, then she came in the room he was in. She was right beside him, looking straight ahead. "Jordan, where are you?" He reached out and touched her. She jumped, and looked at him. "It's okay, calm down. It's just my brother. Come here." He thought if someone told him to calm down again he would scream. She grabbed his hand and dragged the reluctant, Taylor, back into the kitchen. "Eric, this is Jordan. Jordan, this is Eric." Taylor saw him looking at him and knew that he knew. The boy was probably Taylor's age. "Hey!" Eric said. "Hi." Taylor said weakly. Then he went over to the chair and picked it up. "You kind of look like that guy, Taylor." Taylor felt sick, and almost dropped the chair, again. He thought about running out the door. "Uh... I do? Cool! I never really noticed." It was hard to get the words out through the choking feeling in his chest. "I really need to get going." Taylor said hurrying towards the door. "Bye!" Eric called after him. Amanda rushed towards him, and whispered in his ear "I'll come see you tomorrow. Just make sure you're where you were today." He ran down the steps.

Hanson, break up?
A week had passed, and Amanda and Tay had met and talked every day. Taylor was singing his song, while waiting for Amanda to show up. Once he was finished, the crowd that had gathered gave him money. He saw Amanda step out of the middle. "That was good.... You know? It kinda sounds like a hanson song." "Uh... It does? Neat!" "You know they broke up? I couldn't believe it 'cause they kept saying how they wanted to be together for, like, ever." Now he wanted to know if she knew anything about his brothers, or family. "Really? Why'd they do that?"Tay asked. "I don't know much... Just what the magazines say.. They got in a fight or something and decided the band wouldn't work out." Taylor smiled wondering who in the family made that one up. "Why're you smiling?" "No reason." They walked to her house, once inside Amanda said "I want you to meet my parents." "No, no, no! They'll turn me in for sure!" "I didn't tell them about you, they don't know you've run away." "Does Eric?" He asked. "Yeah, but he'll never tell. He's cool." "All right." She hugged him, glad that he agreed. "When am I meeting them?" "Tonight." "What do you mean?" "You're coming to dinner." "Cool!" He grinned. She leaned over the table and kissed him. After their lips broke apart he asked "So, uh... Where do I live and stuff?" "You live on Hailey's avenue.. Which by the way.. Is on the other side of town. And we met two weeks ago at Simon's peak..Which is where you were trying to jump from, but we just talked, not what really happened." "You got this all planned out then, huh?" "Yep!" She smiled. You want more?