Cumpleet Redneck Cumputer Meenins

• MOUSE: fuzzy white thing wut eats the horses grain in the barn and ya can stuff in your beer bottle to get a free case

• UPGRADE: skule term fur permoshun as upgrade to secund after jus two yeers in furst 2. when teechur changes F ta D

• BROWSER: fella reedin PLAYBOY in the drug store

• SERVER: gal in resterant that brings yur food

• WEBSITE: ware spiders catch flies

• CACHE: needed when ya run out of food stamps

• PRINTER: someone who can't rite in handritin

• FONT: discover as in "I font it at a garage sale"

• PROGRAM: wuts on the TV when there's receptshun

• PROGRAMMER: fella with the TV remote

• MODEM : whacha do to the grass twice a yeer

• ADOBE PHOTOSHOP: red bilding ware you git yur pictur took

• PLUG-IN: push the end ot the TV cord into the wall

• RAM: that thar thing whut splits the farwood. 2. the lambs daddy

• ROM: good to mix with Coca Cola. 2. the Pope's home. 3. a place in the house like a bedrom

• FLOPPY: when you run outa Polygrip

• ICON : braggin as in "icon lift yur truk with one arm"

• CD ROM : place in the bank ware they sell retirement accounts

• SPAM: meat for special occashuns

• HARD DRIVE : gettin home in the mud season with a flat tire

• INSTALL: ware ya keep your horse

• REBOOT: wucha do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff

• CURSOR : wucha do when yur mad at yur wife

• BIT; a wager as in "I bit ya can't spit that chawin tibacco across the road"

• FIREWALL: ware ya practises yur target shutin

• HACKER : granpa after 62 years of smokin

• TERMINAL: about time to call the undertaker

• MAIN FRAME: wut holds up the barn roof

• SOFTWARE: them plastic eatin utensils

• BUG: thing on phone to check yur wife's calls

• DIGITAL CONTROL: wut yur fingers do on the TV remote

• SUPERCONDUCTORS: Glenn Miller, Doc Severnsen, Lawrence Welk

• EDIT: wucha do with food

• LAPTOP: ware the littl kids feel comfy

• PORT: fancy wine

• PRINTOUT; wen ya uz a eracer or whiteout

• FORMAT: small rug to wipe your feet on wen ya go in a house

• CODE: wen yu g0tta snooty nose and cof

• VIRUS: same as a code

• RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: when ya cain't 'member wut ya paid fer yer rifle when yer wife asks

• PROMPT : wucha wish the mail was in mud season

• FAX : wucha lie about to the IRS

• BACKUP: takin the truk outa the barn

• BYTE : wut them dang flys do. 2. first word in a kiss-off phrase

• MEGABYTE: wucha git from Meg durin luvmakin

• SCREEN : thing to keep the flies out

• CHIP : munchies fer the TV

• MICROCHIP: wuts left in the munchie bag when the chips are gone

• RELOAD: fill the frig with 6-pacs and chips

• HOMEPAGE: place in the newspaper with houses for sale

• TEXT: dude from Dallas

• DISKETTE: female disco dancer

• SCANNER : watchin a female disco dancer

• INFRARED: ware the leftovers go when Fred's here

• LASER PRINTER : two tired ta rite yur ma

• ENTER : notherner talk fer, "C'mon in y'all"

• KEYBOARD: ware ya hang yur truk keys

• MANUAL: truk without automatic geers

• ZIP DRIVE: goin fast in yur hotrod

• NEWSGROUP: wives gossippin

• DOMAIN: most importint as "he's domain boss"

• ALIAS: name ya use at a motel

• DIGITAL: those numbers that flip on your alarm clock 2. a questshun as "digital hur ta bring the beer"

• PACKET: wucha do to a suitcase before a trip

• ITALIC: furriner from Roam

• CLIPBOARD: place you keep yur ammo

• VERSION : wucha dislike as in "he has a version to broccoli "

• LOG ON :making a wood stove hotter

• LOG OFF : don't add no mo' wood

• MONITOR : keppin an eye on the woodstove

• DOWNLOAD : gettin the farwood off the truk

• MEGAHERTZ: when yer not keerful gettin the farwood

• FLOPPY DISK: wucha git from carrin too much farwood

• DISC OPERATING SYSTEM: wut the doc uses fur your floppy disc

• NETWORK : way to get bait for yur trout line

• INTERNET: wut the bait duz wen ya catch it

• WINDOW: place in a truk to hang your guns

• WINDOWS : wucha shut when its 30 below

• LAN : to borrow as in "Hey Bert, lan me yur truk" 2. the grass in fronta yur house

• SUPPORT: whut suspenders duz 2. to drink fancy wine slowly

• CRASH : yur truk hits a tree. 2. when you go to Junior's party uninvited

• RAID: wen the cops crash yur pot party

• FRAME: wen the cops bring ther own pot to the party

• DOT MATRIX: old Dan Matrix's wife

• E-MAIL: not a pansy

• APPLICATION: put salve on yur skin

• STATIONARY: not movin

• UNZIP: open yur pants

• JOYSTICK: wat you open yur pants fur

• JAVA: coffee

• 489 : one of them fancy furrin cars

• WORM : wacha put on a fish hook

• IBM: anser wen teechur calls yur name

• MAC : yur kids favorite food

• APPLE: needed for pan dowdy and pies

• APPLET: a small apple

• VECTOR: winner of the fite

• FILE: wut yur wife uses on her nails

• PASSWORD: " fore" used wen playin golf

• INTERACTIVE: run into the house

Cotten-Eye Joe Please right click on the note if you wish to stop the music

FRIENDS

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