Guitar Face
The "Severe Constipation" Type
You mean there's more than one type of Guitar Face?
Absolutely. In fact, there appear to be three primary strains, with some interesting regional variations within those strains. The primary strains we will examine are the "Severe Constipation," the "Magoo," and the "Lewinsky."
What is the "Severe Constipation" type of Guitar Face?
The "Severe Constipation" look is characterized by a look of strain and/or pain on the face of the player. This is clearly the most uncomfortable of the three strains, and hence has so far attracted the most public sympathy. What was once thought to be a fun hobby, playing guitar, is now virtually proven to be a painful and addictive form of self torture. Just look at the picture of Stevie Ray Vaughan below. Does that look like he's having fun to you?.
How common is the "Severe Constipation" type of Guitar Face?
Scientists really aren't sure. However, we're fairly certain that it is the most common of the three strains. It is estimated that approximately one out of every four persons will experiment with guitars in their lifetime. Of these, approximately half will become casual or "recreational" players. Approximately half of the "recreational" players will eventually become addictive, regular players. It seems clear that frequency of use increases the chanced of developing guitar face, particularly the horribly painful and disfiguring "severe constipation" form.
Are guitar players really constipated? If not, why do they look that way?
Again, scientists really aren't sure. Very few suffering guitar players have voluntarilly cooperated with studies. There is one theory being advanced currently that the large amounts of beer and cheese consumed by guitar players, combined with the digestive effects of having a guitar pressed against your belly, is leading to actual constipation.
Below we have a picture of blues legend B.B. King at a very young age. Clearly, severe constipation Guitar Face is already well set in.
As he aged, his faced is left ravaged by the condition. His face muscles are now frozen in place. Gone forever are the spasms seen in his youth.
See the "Magoo" type of Guitar Face
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