Well I thought about the army
dad said, son you're fucking high
and I thought yeah there's a first for everything
so I took my old man's advice
three sad semesters
it was only fifteen grand spent in bed
I thought about the army
dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a moustache and a mullet
got a job at chic-fil-a
citing artistic differences
the band broke up in May
and in the June reformed with out me
and they'd got a different name
I nuked another grandma's apple pie
and hung my head in shame

I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today

Oh, I think I'll write a screenplay
Oh, I think I'll take it to A
Oh, I think I'll get it done yesterday

In this time of introspection
on the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God, please spare me more rejection
'cause my peers they criticize me 
and my ex-wives all despise me
try to put it all behind me
but my redneck past is nipping at my heals

I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinkign a lot today
I thought about the army...