So, we were walking through the video store looking for a promising (read: bad) movie, and we stopped at the Cult Classics section, which is always a good place to look. Among the titles were Satan's Cheerleaders, Return of Swamp Thing, Robo Vampire, and Death Race 2000. Trent's the one who pointed it out. I was sold immediately. The first thing I noticed was that it was the obvious inspiration for one of my favorite games. Also, it takes place in the oh so distant future: The Year 2000. I don't know about you, but i always enjoy seeing what people predicted the present would be like 25 years ago. The icing on the cake, so to speak, was that it starred Sylvester Stallone. What more could I want?
So, anyway, it's the year 2000. We can tell it's the year 2000, too because the matte painting looks like it was modelled after the Jetsons, and the USA has taken over the world and become the United Provinces of America. They also changed the flag. Instead of the blue starfield, there's a big red area with a gold Black Power symbol. You can tell the movie was mad in 1975 because fashion hasn't changed since then. Every year, there's an intercontinental race which actually runs from Pennsylvania to LA. I guess the word contenent got a new definition too. There's 5 racers: Calamity Jane, Matilda the Hun, Nero the Hero, Machine Gun Joe Vaterbo, and Frankenstein. Frankenstein is the hero, but we don't learn that until later in the movie. There's also an annoying sportscaster who everyone thinks should die, a talk show host who insists that everyone is a dear friend, and Mr. President who officially loves everyone, even though he looks nothing like Bill Clinton.
There's also an organized resistance which is trying to abolish the race and restor the good ol' USA. The leader of the resistance has a granddaughter who becomes Frankenstein's navigator (and love slave), and she wants him to change his ways.
At this point, you're probably asking yourself why the hell they called him Frankenstein. Well, the answer is simple: he's been in several races and has lost several limbs (and other organs). His jaw was crushed, as was his skull, and he was held together by patches of plastic, which is why he wore the black jumpsuit and mask. The cape, however, remains a mystery.
So, they race. The resistence blows up some cars, and the cars kill a bunch of pedestrians. I guess that in the year 2000, everyone has orange blood. They also make routine pitstops for gratuitous boob shots. We also get the see Frankenstein out of costume, and he looks, well, exactly like David Carradine. I was disappointed.
So, the resistance blows up more cars until it's down to Machine Gun Joe (Stallone) and Frankenstein. The President insists that there is no resistance, and that it's the French trying to ruin the race. No one really believes it except the annoying sportscaster. who says Frankenstein took on the entire French Air Force after the resistace sent out a plane to destroy him. Now here's something I don't understand. Throughout the movie, Frankenstein has been unaware of the resistance's actions, but he drugs his navigator beforethey get attacked by the plane. She wakes up after the plane blows up, and asks what happened. Frank tells her he had to give her the sleeping pills so she wouldn't panicand do something stupid. Why would she panic? Obviously because of the plane. How did Frankenstein know about the plane? Well?
So, Frank almost drives off a cliff before realizing that he had brakes. Then he reveales his scheme. He has an artificial hand with grenade imbedded in it. Yes, that's right. It's a hand grenade. HAHAHA!! Get it? He planned to blow up the president after winning the race when he shook his hand. Now this might sound like a stupid question, but how did he expect that to work? First, he'd have to removie the pin (and yes there was a pin that needed to be removed). He was wearing a glove over it, so a little sleight of hand wouldn't work (not that he could move the fingers on that hand anyway). If he did pull the pin, the security people would be all over him. It was jut a bad plan. Fortunately it never came to fruition. You see, Maching Gun Joe was still alive.
So, they catch up with Joe, and the navigator with the forgettable name unscrews the hand grenade (ha!), pulls the pin, and throws it into Machine Gun's car (which happens to be a convertible, making it so much easier). The grenade lands in Joe's navigator's lap. Rather than throwing it out of the car, like any sensible person, she screams at Joe to stop the car. He does, and they explode.
Frankenstein and his navigator switch placed and drive into the president's podium killing him. Hooray!
Then, I swear I'm not making this up, Frankenstein married the navigator and becomes president. Everyone's happy, and the Good Ol' US of A is back. The only one complaining is the annoying sportscaster, but Frank drives over him.
Wow. What a great movie. I would definitely buy this one.