You'll notice I put 1998 after the title. I just don't want people thinking I'm reviewing any of the real Godzilla movies. I am, of course, reviewing the atrocity starring Matthew Broderick.
You all may remember Matthew Broderick from the movie Election. In that movie, he played a soft-spoken high school teacher, and he does it very well. In Godzilla, he plays a scientist who investigates nuclear phenomena, and who, no matter what, acts like the soft-spoken high school teacher he played in Election.
The story is simple. Back in 1948, France was doing top secret nuclear testing, and it mutated a lizard into a giant lizard named Godzilla. Matthew Broderick, or Nick, as he's called, is called in to investigate because he specializes in animal mutations as a result of nuclear testing. It's not a well-known field. Meanwhile, Nick's love interest, Donna (I don't really care if that's her real name or not) is working at a TV station for a jerk news anchor, and Donna's dream is to become a real reporter. She dated Nick k8 years ago, and he never got over it. There's also a cameraman named Animal, played by Hank Azaria and a mysterious French guy played by Jean Reno.
So, Nick gets called in by the military to help investigate some gigantic footprints off the coast of wherever. They spend a good chunk of the movie trying to figure out what the thing is. It never occurs to them to, I don't know, maybe follow the footprints. Well, they don't do that, and eventually, Godzilla shows up in Manhattan to wreak havoc. The military tries to lured Godzilla to them so they can blow him/her/it up, but, of course, Godzilla's indestructible. He escapes and a group of helicopters are sent to stop him with some heat seeking missiles. Heat-seeking missiles. Against a reptile. A cold-blooded reptile. They end up blowing up the Chrysler building. Yay Godzilla. Then Godzilla turns on the helicoptors who, being really smart, fly away from him. There's a big chase, and Godzilla destroys all three helicoptors because the pilots were too stupid to fly upward.
Anyway, Nick finds a urine sample and does a pregnancy test. Yep. Godzilla's pregnant. But how could he be pregnant if he's the only one? Obviously, he reproduces asexually. There couldn't possibly be another Godzilla. Nooo. Just the one. Nick, of course, informs the military, and they ask for evidence. He, being the expert, gives them evidence, and they all have a bit more to worry about. Not only do they have to take care of Godzilla, but also make sure there aren't any eggs. Well, Donna, in a fit of ingenuity, steals a top secret tape to broadcast it on the air. The military sees it and decides that Nick is oficially off the case. Not only that, but he also no longer has any credentials, so they decide that Godzilla's not pregnant.
So, they lure Godzilla out and send him into the ocean where a couple submarines shoot a bunch of torpedoes and kill him. Hooray! End of bad movie! Not quite. The mysterious French guy recruits Nick to help destroy the eggs. Donna and Animal follow them, and they all show up just as the eggs hatch in Madison Square Garden. So, our heroes are surrounded by 200 deformed velociraptors. Donna broadcasts from the broadcast booth in the Garden, and the military sends a bunch of fighters to blow it up. The heroes escape in the nick of time, and Nick and Donna are totally in love again. Nobody cares. End of movie! Not yet.
Turns out Godzilla's still alive, and she discovers all her dead babies. She's not pleased about this, so there's another chase scene. Eventually, they trap her in the Golden Gate Bridge and kill her. Now the movie's over.
All in all, the movie sucked. Godzilla looked nothing like Godzilla, and the only character anyone even cares about and hopes the best for is Godzilla. Everyone else was paper thin and crappy.