This movie was bad, but not as bad as one might expect from a movie called Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter. We caught it on American Movie Classics the other day or over the weekend or something, which is odd, considering the movie was neither American nor a classic. At any rate, the movie itself was wholly unimpressive. There are three major characters in the story: Captain Kronos, who is a professional vampire hunter, Dr. Grost, a hunchback who serves as Kronos's servant guy who does all the non-vampire hunting work (i.e. tempering swords, determining what vampires they're looking for, filing taxes, etc.), and Carla the hitchhiker, whose only job in the movie is to bang Captain Kronos and fulfill her womanly role as bait.
So, Captain Kronos and Dr. Grost are called to a small town in England where there may be a bit of a vampire problem. They pick up Carla along the way, since Captain Kronos needs some dirty loveless 53X0r. When they arrive in town, they talk to the guy who called them, and he is stunned, shocked, even, to learn that there may be vampiry afoot. That's like hiring an exterminator for a mouse problem and having a hard time believing him when he tells you you have a mouse problem.
It turns out this is no normal vampire. It's a different kind of vampire entirely. No, not the hopping kind that can only be stopped by firmly applying a Post-It to its forehead. No, this fella not only drinks blood. It also drains people of their youth, so that all the victims look to be in their mid-150s and bear a striking resemblance to Linda Blair in The Exorcist.
After some more senseless death and badly-needed booty on Kronos's part, we finally learn who the vampire really is. There's a stunning fight scene, and Kronos and Grost leave. Carla stays behind because Kronos is done with her.