When people would ask me what the worst movie I ever saw was, I always said Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Robo Vampire changed all that.
At the beginning of this movie, these army guys confront some guy in what is supposed to be traditional Japanese burial garb, I assume. We know this guy's a vampire because he came out of a coffin and took a chunk out of the soldier's neck. Now, let me tell you something about these vampires. They're supposed to be scary, but they fail miserably. They all wear the same clothes, they materialize from nowhere, they hop around with outstretched arms, and they can be sedated by putting magical Post-It notes on their foreheads.
Here's the overall story: Sonny Bono is in charge of a drug ring, and he hires this magician guy to resurrect the dead for protection. Some law enforcement lady (whose stunt double is a largish grey haired fellow) gets captured by the bad guys, so the police decide that the best way to defeat the vampires is to construct a robot. The box at the video store had a picture of RoboCop on it as well as various action scenes. The robot looks nthing like RoboCop. In fact, it looks like some guy put on a bunch of padding and paper plates and got spray painter silver. You could always tell when the robot was walking becaue it made loud clunking noises (which were out of sych with his feet) even on sand. To make things more awful, one of the vampires (who wears a gorilla mask) was in love with Nipple Ghost Woman who wears a see-through shirt. Nipple GhostWoman is a ghost who has manifested herself physically on earth to save Gorilla Mask from being undead. A bunch of useless and uninteresting stuff happens. The police find and rescue the law enforcement lady without any help from Robo Vampire. Robo Vampire is after the magician guy. Nipple Ghost Woman almost defeats the magician by throwing her shirt in his face. He attacks her and, I assume, kills her, which is odd, since she's already dead. Then the robot kills him.
This is the worst movie I have ever seen. What makes it even more awful is that I looked it up on IMDb, and one of the people in it is none other than Wedge Antilles himself, Denis Lawson.
I need to get some Post-Its, just in case.