Let me start this review off stating that before this, I had never seen a Corey Haim movie. I hope I never see another one.
The movie is called Watchers. Evidently, someone was watching something, but we'll never know, since the movie was about Corey and his dog and a mutant Wookiee. You see, Corey and his girlfriend are in a barn making out. They couldn't show much, though, since Corey was only 17 when they made the movie. Well, they're going ar it, and they hear a noise. It must be Dad! Corey runs away in fear, and the girlfriendwanders around the barn looking for the cause of the noise. Only it's not Dad. It's the evil mutant Wookiee (read: guy in a monkey suit)! And for some reason, he's out for blood. She screams, and he frightens the horses. Dad comes along and saves her by letting the Wookiee rip his eyes out. It's not really a bad monster. It's just intimidating and has an eye fetish. Kinda reminds me of Carnosaur.
So, Corey's driving home, and there's a strange dog that somehow gets into the back of his old pickup. It turns out, though, that Corey doesn't have a license. I'm not sure if that's important, but I'll throw it out there, just in case. So, Corey's driving away from his girlfrend's farm, and the police are going toward the farm, but somehow, the police are following Corey. He freaks out and then discovers the dog. Or something like that. I don't remember very well, since I had just opened my box of Star Wars figures.
Well, he names the dog Furface and takes him home, like any idit would. He tries to hide Ff from his mom, but to no avail. It turns out, also, that the dog is really smart.In fact, the dog's so smart, he can carry on conversations with Corey, kind of. So, Mom lets him keep Ff. It's about this time that we find out that Ff is some sort of mutant dog created by the government, and they send out two guys to retrieve and kill him. Now, we can't let that happen. What would the world be like if someone rounded up all the dangerous and stry pets and put them to sleep? Why it would be a travesty! An outrage! Even normal! Keep in mind that this is a dog Corey found on the side of the road. He doesn't know where it is, whose it is, if it's had its shots, if it has any diseases, if it's dangerous, or anything. But it's cute and smart. It also knows what's going on with the government.
So, Corey's in school, and Ff needs to find him, so he goes to school too. For some reason, some idiot girls let him in. Now, put yourself in this situation. You're at school. It's between classes, and you see some dog sitting outside the door, scratching at it. Do you:
a) ignore it
b) alert a member of the faculty
c) just let the dog in
Well, obviously, the answer's c. I mean who wouldn't let a stray dog wander around the school with no one watching. Anyway, Ff finds the room Corey's in and goes to the back row unnoticed. With a pencil in his mouth, Ff types something on the computer. The class is dismissed, the teacher sees the dog, and Corey gets a detention. Now, I have two major problems here:
1: I can accept that the dog is supposed to be smart. There are smart animals out there. Look at the elephant. But how is this dog supposed to be able to read and write? I remember learning to read and write, and it took me a few months to master it. This dog just knows somehow, like it's an innate ability.
2. If this dog's so smart, why did it take almost an hour to find which room Corey was in? He got into the school before classes started and got into the classroom shortly before they were over.
Corey goes home and tells his mom about the government plot, and they hide in a motel. Meanwhile, the investigators have Corey's supposedly sick girlfriend. He thinks she's sick because the horses were running around her. We all know that being around running horses is a major cause of illness in this country. Somehow, Corey's mom shows up and lets it slip that Corey's at a cabin in the woods. The investigators, being bad, decide to go there to get him and kill the dog.
Corey is at the cabin getting ready for battle. He stops at a hunting store first to get some bullets. He used to hunt with his dad. He asks for some high-caliber bullets, and the clerks asks what for. Corey says he wants to kill a grizzly. But they're protected, the guys says. Corey says he knows, and the guy smiles and sells him the bullets. Now, don't you think this guy would be a little more responsible? Here he is, selling ammo to a kid who wants to hunt an endangered species. At any rate, Corey's ready for battle.
The investigators show up and release Corey's mom and girlfriend for no good reason. If I were them, I'd have left them behind. The bald white investigator kills the black investigator to prove how evil he is. I'm not making that up. There's a big shootout, and Corey finally stabs the bad guy in the throat. Sooner or later, the bad guy dies. Then the Wookiee shows u[ again. Time to fight him. There's another brawl, and Corey guns him down. Somewhere in there, Ff got injured, and the bad guys' truck blew up. The whole time, Corey's mom and girlfriend were cowering like all women do in these movies.
If I learned one thing from this movie, it's that stray dogs are always safe if they act nice.