This one was on the new release shelf. It stars America's favorite action hero. No, no that one. Ok, it has Hulk Hogan in it. There was no real plot to speak of. It was just a series of action sequences tied together by a somewhat consistant set of actors (and I use that term loosely). I took notes while watching this movie. Rather than give you a plot synopsis, I'll let you read my initial reactions to the events that unfolded before me:
- Hulk Hogan in a hairpiece
- Getting shot in the leg causes paralysis.
- Special Forces training takes place in the parking lot.
- 18 min. in, still no plot.
- Hogan and Cobra (Hogan's sidekick) are crack shots. No one else can hit a thing.
- Bad guy sounds like a Japanese dub job.
- Hogan and Cobra hijack a helicopter and blow up bad guys with a fake gun.
- The main bad guy can't afford a grand piano even though he's a millionaire.
- 27 min. still no plot.
- At least the bad guys are IRA.
- Actual quote by Hogan: "I almost forgot. Will you be my wife?"
- Hogan tries to act gentle.
- Hogan has the acting ability of a brick.
- Actual quote from minor character: "You're invited to get the hell out of here!"
- Hogan's daughter is a really bad stripper.
- My God, she sucks!
- Bad guy has a guy who just walks around with champagne... all the time!
- Mary Kate (Hogan's daughter) steals bad guy's MedicAlert necklace.
- Hogan and Cobra are casually strolling around with guns drawn.
- When Mary Kate's roommates are killed, Cobra handles the situation delicately by
saying he's going off hamburger.
- Bad guy shoots cops for no good reason.
- 1 hour in, still no plot.
- MedicAlert necklace is really a flash memory card that works on any computer.
- Hogan threatens Japanese dub job guy with a plastic knife and gives him the
Vulcan nerve pinch.
- Hogan chained up between sides of pork.
- Bad guy thinks he's a Bond villain.
- Hogan puts his family in danger.
- Suddenly the daughter gives a damn.
- Actual quote from a bad guy: "Man parts"
- Hogan escapes shirtless.
- Bad guys surround Hogan house.
- Hogan to the rescue!
- Mines beep when you step on them.
- Hogan gets a vest from nowhere.
- Why do bad guys always stop under the tree he's hiding in?
- And how did the guy with the broken arm and leg get into the woods?
- And why didn't the bad guy shoot Hogan when he didn't disarm the mine?
If this intrigues you, rent this movie.