Iolaus sat on the river bank enjoying the cool crisp day. The sun warmed him just enough without becoming hot, and he barely noticed the fish tugging on his fishing line. He stretched languidly as he pulled the fish lazily on shore. This too was bliss, he decided thinking back to his time in the Light. He finally had a chance to relax after going nonstop for a month with Hercules. He grinned at his buddy chunking rocks at the fish before scooping them out of the once quiet river.
"You know, I'm amazed that I caught anything considering the noise you're making splashing around here," he said with a smile.
Hercules looked up and laughed. "Hah! Look how many I have piled on the shore. Don't blame me for your curious lack of fish. They came swimming all around me regardless of the 'noise' you accuse me of. Looks like I'm the better fisherman around here."
"Herc, Herc, Herc. When are you going to learn that quality is just as, if not more, important than quantity?" he said lying back down on the soft green grass. "Looks like you just don't know how to relax, Buddy. See, part of the joy of fishing is not how many you can catch...it's just a chance to be," said Iolaus dreamily.
"Be what?"
"Just be..be."
"Just be what?"
"Not anything in particular. Just to exist...to be...let the sunshine enfold you. Let it lace around your soul like some golden braided ribbon," Iolaus sighed.
"Um, Iolaus?"
"Yeah, Herc?"
"You've been in the Light too long," observed Hercules with a grin.
Iolaus laughed softly as he rolled over and laid his face against the cool grass. Before very long, Iolaus was sound asleep. Hercules shook his head with a smile and said, "That's a fine way of getting out of cleaning these fish." Iolaus grinned and opened one eye as he watched Hercules turn his back to begin the task. "It's so good to be back, " he thought. He'd almost slipped into a deep peaceful sleep when a loud screeching noise burst through his peace.
"Hercules!!!!!Hercules!!! You've got to help us! Please, you've got to help us!" shrieked a tall thin man in semi regal robes.
Iolaus groaned, rolled over, and sat up. "We never get a vacation," he complained as he stood with Hercules.
"What's the problem, friend?" asked the demigod trying to ignore his friend's complaints.
"There's this demon, and she's causing all of our sheep to well, become frisky," he said nervously. Hercules raised his eyebrows, and Iolaus collapsed into giggles. "What?" asked the confused official. Instantly, it dawned on him what the two considered funny. "NO! Not like THAT! They're acting like puppies. Please Hercules, we can't get them under control, and the demon just laughs hysterically at us."
Hercules tried to look serious, but Iolaus rolling on the ground caused a slight chuckle to escape his throat before he cleared it and got serious again. "Okay, I'll come help you."
Iolaus took a deep breath and agreed, "Yeah, we'll defeat what's disturbing ewe!" He dropped to the ground again in a fit of giggles that stopped quickly as soon as he heard the demigod.
"No, Iolaus. Doesn't look like they'll need both of us. Why don't you camp out here and enjoy this little break?"
"Wait Herc, I don't think...well, you know..I just think we ought to stick together."
"Not like the last time, eh? Look Iolaus, this demon sounds harmless, and well, I have a guarantee from the gods to give us a break, so no one will bother you. You're looking pretty ragged, friend, and I just think you need the rest," he said laying a protective hand on his shoulder.
"You know I'm in no danger from a sheep-demon," he argued, but noticed Herc laughing again. "What?"
"You said Sheep-Demon...you know She-Demon...You're so funny, Buddy. Now no more arguing; just sit back and...be," he said with a smile.
Iolaus knew better than to try and argue with the demigod. "Boy, some things never change," he muttered; Hercules just laughed and patted his friend on the back.
"Don't worry; it won't take long, and when I get back, we'll take a real vacation. I hear there's a new mud bath treatment in Thebes. The women attendants are ...whew..they are!" Hercules said wriggling his eyebrows.
"Wow! On the other hand, things sure have changed around here. Herc, I've never heard you talk about..nevermind; just hurry back. I think being in the light has done something to my skin...I need a mud bath," he said with a grin. Iolaus sank back down in the grass and was happily surprised to see the fish Herc was cooking was almost done. "Mmmm. Dinner!"
Iolaus was busily blowing on a piece of fish to cool it down oblivious to the plan coming together.
Outside the city, the warrior paced back and forth on the hillside. "She said she'd be here by now. Tartarus! You'd think she could handle one little diversion!" Suddenly a pink shower of sparkles seemed to fill the air. "Where have you been? You know this whole plan is balanced on a razor's edge. Timing is everything, and you of all the gods should know that."
Aphrodite cleared her throat, "Look, I told you I'd get Sweetcheeks alone for you. And don't mess with me, Sister! I've been up to my neck in wool! Do you have any idea how scratchy that is?"
Xena rolled her eyes at the goddess of love and wondered why she ever linked up with her. "Look, you're sure they think a demon is tormenting them? I mean, if Hercules gets wind of this we could all be in trouble."
"What about your sidekick? Won't she mind being left behind?" Aphrodite asked while looking at her perfect nails.
"I've told you that Gabrielle hasn't got a clue about this. She's off at the bard competition in Thrace. We should be through with this whole horrid business by the time she or Hercules gets back," Xena turned to see Dite wince. "What is it?"
"Uh oh!"
"Uh oh what?!
"Well, I sort of made the sheep go crazy on the outskirts of Thrace. Don't look at me that way! I figured that it's about as far from Thebes as we could get. How was I suppose to know she was going to the same place? Sheesh! I swear, mortals have no sense of organization; you could have clued me in just a little, Warrior Babe."
"That's Princess," Xena grumbled kicking at a rock.
"What?"
"I'm Xena, Warrior Princess, not Warrior Babe!"
"Ha! That's not what Ares says about you on Olympus. Look Warrior..Whatever, Herc isn't really into the public adoration thingy anyway. He's probably going to stay as far away from town as possible. Plus," she said with a giggle, "this is a little too embarrassing a mission for the Hercster. I'm pretty sure he'll lay low since he'll probably make sure this one doesn't make it into any of the tales the bards tell."
Xena couldn't hold back the lopsided grin while thinking about the mighty Hercules chasing around a bunch of drunk sheep. "Okay, okay, maybe it will turn out fine. Just in case, you might want to follow him there and make sure they don't cross paths. I'm off to get Sweetch...,Tartarus! You've got me saying it now. I'm off to get Iolaus."
"Okay, Warrior Maiden...just make sure you don't hurt my little Sweetcheeks!" the goddess called out before disappearing.
"It's Princess."
Iolaus had finished his meal and stretched out on the grass again. Suddenly his instincts lit up like a lightning storm from Olympus itself. He knew someone was approaching, but remained perfectly still as he listened to the light tramp of a solitary horse, and the rider dismount. "This one's good, I barely hear the footfalls. Concentrate, Iolaus, concentrate," he thought. He instantly reached for a foot and yanked hard. In no time, he'd rolled on top of his assailant. Baring his teeth, Iolaus growled, "What do you...," he halted when he saw smiling blue eyes looking back at him. He jumped off quickly and placed his hand over his heart. "Xena! Why did you pull that stupid stunt? I was about to wring your neck," he gasped.
"Were you, now? Don't worry about it, Iolaus. I had everything under control," she laughed. "More than you ever want to know, Sweetcheeks," rambled in her mind. She lost her smile and clamped her hand over her eyes. "I've gotta be careful, or that's gonna come out."
"What's going to come out, Xena?" he asked warily.
"Huh? Oh nothing," she said before adding wickedly, "I just need to adjust my straps or something's going to come out."
Iolaus ducked his head and blushed with a wicked grin of his own. "All right, we've established that we're okay. Wanna tell me why you were sneaking up on me?"
"Well, I've got this problem," she started.
"Herc's not here."
"What makes you think I was looking for Hercules? I came looking for you, Iolaus," she said quietly.
"Look, Xena. I'm not that naive anymore. A...lot... has happened to me since the first time we met, and I just don't have that little 'compete' with Hercules issue anymore. Gods, that was several lifetimes ago. So, you don't have to pretend, Xena. I'm okay with it. Hercules should be back shortly."
"Iolaus," she said tenderly, "A lot has happened with me as well, Iolaus. I didn't come here looking for Hercules, and in fact, I'm the reason he's not here."
Iolaus raised his eyebrows and gasped, "You're a demon, now? Wow! I'd heard some weird stories about India, but by Olympus, Xena...a demon?"
Xena laughed lightly, "Well, I had help on that part. Look, Iolaus, I came looking for you because...because you're the only one who can help me. We sent Hercules and Gabrielle off as a distraction because this could get dangerous, and you know how they can be sometimes. They're both mother hens!"
His slight giggle sent shards of sadness through her heart. This one single betrayal stood as a sentry over her past regrets. She had reconciled all of her past, but "I'm sorry, Iolaus," never seemed to be enough to say to him. So, she mostly remained silent on the issue. Now, knowing what he'd been through with Dahak, Nebula, and all, her heart ached even more.
Iolaus looked into her eyes, saw sincerity and something he couldn't quite identify, and knew he had to help her. He stood up and began moving about the camp. After picking up his pack and putting out the fire, the hunter held out his hand to her. "Well? Shouldn't we be going? You can fill me in on the way."
She smiled up at sunshine and took in its warmth. Once standing she said, "Okay, on to Thebes...How's your lute playing?"
He stopped in his tracks and let out a huge sigh. "Something tells me you don't want me to play to soothe a beast. This isn't going to be a regular kind of mission, is it?"
"Your insight is legendary," she said with a grin.
"You want me to get you in WHERE?" Iolaus marveled. His voice had an uncharacteristic squeak quality that he hadn't experienced since he was 12. Clearing his throat, Iolaus shook his head and began again, "Xena, I can't believe you want me to get you into a...into a.."
"Pleasure Palace?" She asked with a sly grin.
"Yeah, well, you gotta admit, Xena Warrior Princess..you know, working at a pleasure palace is pretty bizarre," he answered trying to clear his mind.
"Look, Iolaus, I know it sounds strange, but it's the only way I can get in to save Clarissa and those other children," Xena continued.
"Okay, but is there any particular legend you've heard that would support that I'm familiar with these sort of places?" He asked narrowing his eyes.
"You've got to be kidding," Xena laughed. When Iolaus looked somewhat insulted, she tried to ease the accusation, "Okay, you're pure as the driven snow, Iolaus." Now it was Iolaus' turn to laugh and shake his head. Xena placed her hand on his shoulder and said solemnly, "Iolaus, you're the only one who can help me, after all, you're the only one who knows what Thyducean looks like."
"Xena, I said I'd help you, but you know, it's been a long time since I've seen him. I mean, that was even pre-academy days...in my wilder youth. A lot of things have happened since then, and..well By Olympus, Xena! Can't we just charge in there, get those young girls out, and trash the place?" Iolaus was beginning to pace as he weighed all of it in his mind.
"Iolaus, I would like nothing better than to do just that."
"But..."
"But, Thyducean has them carefully guarded; face it, Iolaus, they're property to him. If he thought someone was going to rescue them, he'd just kill them before we could even get in good and start over," she sighed. "Though I'm not sure how he'd ever capture an Amazon princess again."
"All right, but I still can't see you dancing in a Pleasure Palace," Iolaus chuckled. "Imagine what Gabrielle could do with THAT story."
Xena stopped and turned to him, "Iolaus! This is one story Gabrielle will Never hear! Got that?"
Iolaus grinned, "You expect me to say something to her after you have me accompanying you? I don't think so, Xena. Come on, let's hurry up and get this over with."
"Okay, Iolaus, where do you think you could pick up a lute?" she said with a grin.
"Humph! The same place we'll find a...costume for you. How many veils do you want?" He asked seriously.
"Iolaus?"
"Hey, I can't help it if I'm acquainted with the nuances of great dancing girls."
Hercules sighed as he managed to gather up the last of the sheep. One particularly playful animal pinned him down and licked his face. "Oh Iolaus," he said to no one in particular, "You don't know how lucky you are that you're not here. There's nothing quite as hideous as sheep breath."
"What did you say, Hercules?"
The demigod spun around to see Bureaucratis standing right behind him. "Oh, well, nothing. Look, your sheep problem seems to be under control, I'll be taking my leave of you."
"Wait, Hercules, you can't leave without experiencing the best food in town. Please, the owner of Lamb's End would love for you to sample his mutton. Please, Hercules, he feels that he owes you a particular debt of gratitude."
Hercules rolled his eyes and tried to explain, "Bureaucratis, I appreciate it, but I'm not into that kind of thing. You know, the hero worship, public adoration...flower garlands."
The official looked embarrassed and softly said, "Well...um...Hercules, you just herded some crazy sheep...I think he was just planning a nice quiet dinner....I mean don't get me wrong; we are grateful, but it's not like you just killed the Hydra or anything. I promise it will just be a nice dinner in a nice tavern."
Hercules blushed and said, "Oh...well, that sounds nice. Okay, let me get cleaned up and we'll go."
A delicate foot clad in a pink sandal stamped the ground nearby, and 'Dite appeared. "Thanks a lot Burro! Now, what am I going to do? Lamb's End is where the bard competition is being held! Okay.. think, you're a goddess; you can handle this. Warrior Know-It-All is expecting just this kind of mess up." A sudden illumination lit up the goddess' face. "Oh...he'll never forgive me, but this is too perfect." She popped out with a wicked laugh echoing through the valley.
They walked out of the village in stunned silence. Though they each had what they needed, Iolaus and Xena couldn't speak. Finally, Xena looked incredulously at Iolaus and asked, "Are you sure you're not related to her? I mean the resemblance.."
"Is all in your mind. Not another word, please, Xena; I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled.
"But Iolaus, she called you by name and asked about Hercules. Wow...I mean she looked exactly like--."
"Xena! I don't know why you think she...that I....nevermind. I wanted to hear more about Hercules as a dancer. Maybe you should have asked him to help you," he giggled nervously.
"Hmmm, then I could have played the lute!" she and Iolaus collapsed against each other at that visual image. "How many veils would he want?"
"Stop, Xena...you're killing me!" he said as he flopped onto the ground. "OUCH!"
"Iolaus! Are you okay?" she asked through her laughter.
"Look, I've spent the better part of the day getting my.....
"Better part?"
"Xena! getting my...pinched. I'm probably bruised since she had a strong grip for an older lady," he muttered as he painfully got to his feet. He picked up the lute again and tried it out. "Ouch, I think I need a little more practice before we get to Thebes. Are you going to....you know, practice?" he asked with a grin he knew could be responsible for his next death.
Xena looked at him through steely eyes and sighed, "I'll improvise."
Iolaus grinned as they walked along, "Are you going to tell me how on earth Thyducean managed to capture an Amazon Princess. He's mainly known for attacking helpless people...Amazons are definitely not helpless."
"Clarissa is," Xena said with a sigh. "She's only 13 years old, Iolaus. She rejected the warrior training her mother provided and had asked to live with her father."
"Wow! That happens?"
"Only on rare occasions, Iolaus. She was going through this rebellious stage, and her father and mother were trying to help her see her own path in the world. Thyducean heard of it and sent an assassin to slip into her father's home. Poor Clarissa saw her father's throat slit in front of her, but though the neighbors heard her screaming, by the time they got there, her father was dead, and Clarissa was missing. A...friend inside the Pleasure Palace saw her brought in. She recognized the Amazon caste necklace and contacted me through Aphrodite. We have to rescue this child, if not..." Xena struggled to keep control.
"Don't worry, Xena...we'll stop him before he...He won't do anything that would damage her profitablity," Iolaus interjected.
"That sounds pretty cold, Iolaus," she muttered
"I'm sorry if it did, Xena, but as long as Thyducean sees her as a commodity, she's safe. He hasn't changed that much, but personally? If he lays a hand on that child, it will be the last thing he does," he vowed.
Xena saw the concern on Iolaus' face and sighed, "Iolaus, has anyone ever told you that you're a good man?"
He grinned and shrugged his shoulder, "That's what the legends say."
"Well, if we don't stop him, Clarissa's mother has promised war against all men; this could be complete destruction on both sides. There are some Amazon warriors who blame men for every wrong in the world. It would take something less than this to ignite them; I'm more afraid of the moderates...they haven't made up their minds one way or another. This might push them over into the other camp, and Iolaus, once the Amazon Tribes are united, I hate to think of what could happen," Xena stated flatly.
Iolaus contemplated what that could mean to men and women alike and shuddered. "Xena, don't you think we'd better hurry up?"
Rubbing his stiff shoulder, Hercules surveyed the landscape around the outskirts of Thrace. Finding a secluded shallow brook was a welcomed challenge, and the demigod managed the impossible in record time. He placed the fragrant oil on a flat rock next to the bank, stripped, and stood in the cool refreshing water with great satisfaction. "I could almost ...be...," he said through veiled eyes considering Iolaus' earlier words. The water glistened on his muscled body as he laid back to let the gentle babbling brook dance across his aching muscles. Leaning back his head, the demigod dipped his hair into the pure liquid and rising to rest on his elbows, the semi-divine man shook his head letting the water drip down his tanned face. He closed his eyes and let the sun peeking through the sheltering trees annoint his body and being.
It was in this moment of bliss, an unseen hand reached out, replaced the oil, and took his clothes. If Hercules hadn't been so lost in this sensation, he would have heard a goddess giggle.
Hercules rolled his head from side to side before reaching for the oil. He uncorked it and slathered it on before taking a piece of bark and scraping it off. He cupped the cool water and let it drizzle down his biceps. Looking around to make sure he was alone, Herc flexed and grinned while wrinkling his eyebrows. He returned to the oil to complete his bath. Rising from the brook, Hercules stretched with hands extended to the sky. He slowly walked out of the water and bent to pick up his clothes. Straightening up, his hands instinctively covered his front, and for the first time, Hercules wished he'd had some grapes. "This isn't really funny, you know...whoever you are." He tried to hear some kind of footsteps, breathing, or some sign of life. Sighing he cautiously made his way back to the farmhouse where he was staying. "My family!" he muttered in disgust.
When he got to the house, the demigod was grateful that no one else was inside. Bureaucratis and the shepherd were out at the corral discussing the curse, and so Hercules was able to slip inside the house. He ran to his room looking for something to cover up with. He grabbed a sheet and wrapped it around himself leaving one shoulder bare. "Blast it all! How did Salmoneus wrap those togas?"
Hercules stepped out of the room a bit embarrassed to see Bureaucratis standing there with his mouth open. The official cleared his throat and said softly, "Well, that looks nice, Hercules. New look for you?"
"Uh...huh....well, it's....Look, Bureaucratis, someone stole my clothes while I was at the brook bathing, and so now...here I am in all my glory. I guess I'll have to beg off going into town tonight," he said slightly relieved.
The young shepherd moved forward but backed off immediately sniffing the air before continuing. "Hercules...My friend is looking forward to you coming to Lamb's End. He's told everyone in town, and it would destroy him, literally they would destroy his place, if you didn't come tonight," he begged.
"He's right, Hercules, his business would be ruined if you didn't show up. By the way, you said they took your clothes before you bathed, I have a nice private bath at my home," he diplomatically suggested after moving closer.
"No, that's okay, Bureaucratis, they didn't get my clothes until after I bathed, but thanks for the offer. I appreciate the predicament, guys, but still, I can't go to a public tavern wrapped in a sheet. What would people say?" he asked throwing his hands up.
"They'd say, 'Look, Iolaus is wearing off on Hercules.' I know he's been known to come downstairs from a tavern wrapped in a sheet and the innkeeper's daughter," the official could almost have choked himself on that one as he saw the steely gaze fixed on him. "I'm sorry, Hercules, I didn't mean to suggest....well, look, I've got a chiton you can slip on at my home. I don't live in town exactly, and we can take a shortcut to avoid the high traffic areas."
Hercules relaxed and sighed before saying, "Okay, Bureaucratis, no offense taken and your point's been made. But I still don't see how I'm going to fit into one of your chitons. On to your house then." The demigod clapped him on the shoulder and laughed as he headed toward the door. The shepherd and the official squinched up their noses as he passed and gave each other shocked looks.
"How on earth am I going to tell Hercules that he smells like a ewe in heat!" Bureaucratis murmured.
All the way to his house, Bureaucratis made sure not to stand downwind from the demigod, and while passing by a neighboring farm, the official got quite nervous as he heard the rams bleating from the pens. "Well, here we are, Hercules. Let me come in and warn..I mean let my wife know you're here."
Hercules stood outside the home and looked around. "Looks like the demon is still around; just listen to those sheep. They're going crazy!" he muttered to himself. In no time, Bureaucratis stood with his arm around the shoulder of his wife. Hercules thanked them for their help but couldn't help notice the strange look on her face. "Is there a problem?"
"NO...um..I mean no, Hercules. We're grateful to you for helping us out. My husband explained the problem, and I think I might have a solution. My brother, who is much larger than Bureau, left one of his chitons. So, I think it might fit just a little better than my husband's. Hmmm. Though, he's not as big as you are, it will probably conceal most of your...well..it will. It should do."
Hercules sighed as he stepped into their house and picked up the chiton. It was a horrid shade of bright green, but still, he didn't want to seem ungrateful. He slipped it on and was mortified as the bottom of the chiton only came to about a hand's width from the top of his knees. "You're not going to be able to get out of this with your pride intact; you know that don't you, big guy," he whispered in disgust.
Iolaus sat at the edge of the clearing while Xena changed. Sitting in the shade of one of the trees, the hunter was trying to remember the code words they'd used as kids. He knew that the outlaw would need to hear it before believing he was Iolaus...before they could pull off this rescue. As it finally dawned on him, Iolaus jumped up and shouted, "That's it!"
"What?" Xena said as she entered the clearing fastening her last veil on her outfit.
"Wow! You look...hooha!" gulped Iolaus.
"Thank you; I think. Anyway, what's it, Iolaus?" she asked as she smoothed the veils down in front.
"I just put the last of the puzzle pieces together, and now, we shouldn't have any problem getting into the Pleasure Palace. However, we might have a problem getting you through town looking like that," he said with a grin.
"Oh, don't worry, Sweetcheeks.."
"What? What did you call me?" he asked straight faced
."Look, I'm sorry, Iolaus...looks like she's wearing off on me after all. No offense was intended, friend," she said apologetically.
Once Iolaus got over that shock of familiarity, he found himself blushing just a bit and cursing under his breath that he was. He straightened out his vest, shook his hair out, and shrugged. "None taken, Warrior Babe," he giggled as he walked past her.
"Just wait until I get my hands on that goddess. Sometimes..."Xena stopped as she watched the Golden Hunter walk ahead and thought, "mm...mmm...mmm...Yeah, I remember why she calls him that. Xena! Cut it out! Deliver me."
