Hercules paced around the palace like an expectant father. Iphicles laughed, “Phidias, whose wife had their first child last week, didn’t pace as much as you are, Brother.”

Hercules stopped in his tracks, looked down at his feet, and shrugged, “I don’t know what’s wrong. Except...”

“Except?” Iphicles looked to him and guided the demigod to a chair.

“Except maybe Iolaus is giving birth to a decision up there. A decision that maybe will effect our partnership,” Hercules sighed.

“And like any father, Hercules, you’ll be happy for any decision he births,” suddenly Iphicles started laughing, “Can you imagine what Iolaus would say if he knew we were talking about him as if he was in labor.”

“Nah, he wouldn’t be upset,” Herc chuckled in spite of himself. “He’d probably ask if he looked fat in his vest.”

“Ask for some pickled boar’s feet, honey cakes laced with hydra sauce.”Iphicles stopped and began rolling on the floor.

Hercules looked at him in shock but couldn’t keep from giggling in harmony with the king. “Really, Iph,” he said wiping the tears from his eyes. “It wasn’t that funny.”

Iphicles pulled himself back to the chair and tried taking several deep breaths. “I’m... sorry; it’s just that...by Zeus, Hercules, Iolaus eats like that all the time. Maybe that’s the problem. He’s pregnant!”

Hercules laughed and said, “Stop, Iphicles. You’re hurting me. Besides, it’s not polite to tease Iolaus when he can’t hear you. But you’ll have to remember that one, so we can torment him with it when he gets back.” Hercules’ mood suddenly changed as he sighed, “If he comes back.”

Iphicles looked at him strangely and kicked at his feet to get the demigod’s attention. “Where in Tartarus did that come from? Surely you know that he’d come back regardless as to what his decision was? I can’t believe that Iolaus would just flake out on you after coming all the way back from the Light. Look, if you’re that concerned, march up to the ‘mountaintop’ in the morning.” All this depressing talk of Iolaus not coming back made Iphicles worried about his younger brother as well. He’d heard the reports of how Hercules reacted to Iolaus’ death. How would the demigod react to Iolaus’ decision to life apart from his best friend. “Look, I’ll take a break from my ‘kingly duties’ tomorrow and go with you.”

“Thanks. I could use some support in case.. What am I talking about, Iphicles? Even if he decides to leave, he’ll be alive, and we’ll still be friends. Hey, all that talk about honey cakes has gotten me hungry. You think your cook has a stash somewhere?” Hercules asked with a forced grin. He started for the kitchen, and then turned around and said, “Well? You coming, or do I have to lay siege to the royal kitchens on my own?”

Iphicles laughed and joined him at the doorway. “Okay, but I’m not making any promises regarding the honey cakes. Remember Iolaus got here before you did. And, well, my cook has a special spot in her heart for him. It wouldn’t surprise me if she didn’t pack all the honey cakes in the castle and send them off with him.”

“And how does he do that? He just flashes that smile, and women around the known world want to mother him,” said Hercules as he shook his head.

Iphicles slung his arm around his brother and pulled him toward the kitchen. “Um Hercules,” he began, “I don’t think mothering is what most of those women have in mind. At least that’s not what my cook thinks about him.”

Hercules grinned again, “Yeah, and here I am worrying about Iolaus when he’s probably sitting on the mountaintop gorging himself on honey cakes and thinking about his conquests.” They headed for the kitchen, but Hercules couldn’t help but feel the dread in the pit of his stomach as they passed by the window view of the mountain.

Iolaus shivered on the cold floor of the cave though his heart felt colder still. He pushed over and over in his mind the reasoning behind not seeing Nebula, and every time he came up with a reason to see her, his fears brought up excuses to blot them out. His physical well-being sank along with his natural good humor as he tried to access the damage. “Okay, Iolaus,” he shuddered, “you have a shattered...a shattered shoulder, and one that’s..t-t-that’s dislocated. Tired, hungry, and wracked with guilt. Yes, you’re guilty all right. And angry...yeah! Hey Ares! What gives you the right to judge me?!” The hunter began choking and coughing at the exertion and felt the world tilting, and changing into some gray swirl. Suddenly, he felt a hand grabbing his chin, and Iolaus was lifted from unconsciousness by a malevolent hand. He blinked hard to see his tormentor sitting cross-legged in front of him.

“You know, little guy, you sure must have this deep-seated deathwish. What right have I to judge you? Let’s see...first, there’s that god thing. Oh yeah, then there’s that god thing. Now, I believe that gives me ample reason to judge you. Now, about Nebula, do you think she still dreams about you?Well, we know she dreams about Dahak, or has nightmares about him, but what about you, Iolaus? Did you make that big of an impression?”

“First,” Iolaus gasped softly, “I judge you by all that’s human. And god or no god, we mortals choose who and what we worship. Here you’re talking about my neglect, but how many times have you neglected people who cared for you? And as far as N-N-Nebula is concerned, I hope she’s f-f-forgotten all about me. Why don’t you go do the same?!” He tried to roll away from him, but he was only able to lie flat on his back and stare up at the ceiling.

A maliciously dangerous laugh echoed in the cavern. “Someone who CARES about me. Oh, this is rich. I think you may have me confused with Aphrodite or Cupid. People don’t CARE about me. They fear me...respect me...obey me. Care for me? Oh this hurts,” snarled Ares. “Oh, and she hasn’t forgotten about you. Behold the one you’d die for.” With a wave of his hand, Ares generated a picture on the ceiling. Nebula was standing at that blasted memorial at the crossroads. “Funny, my brother forgot to take it down, huh?”

Iolaus’ eyes agonized at the sight. The strong pirate/queen was caressing the face on the monument and talking to it. Iolaus couldn’t make out what she was saying, but he could definitely tell it was some sort of homage. The hunter shivered more when she dropped to the ground, grasping the base of the monument, and cried bitterly. The god of war looked down at his victim and shook his head to see the lone tear escape. “Puhleeze, Skouros was right; you ARE a crybaby. Hey, speaking of babies, wanna see yours?”

Iolaus slowly turned his head to glare at the god and felt himself leave consciousness. Ares sighed and said, “Well, I guess I don’t want you to die just yet. I’m not quite through tormenting you.” The god placed his hand on the shoulder that had been shattered and began the healing process. One bone upon another began to knit itself to the others. Iolaus groaned as the bones slowly shifted inside his flesh. Ares stopped as half the job was completed. “Don’t want you to be too comfortable. After all, the show is just beginning.”

Two hours later, Iolaus groaned and started to roll over. The pain shot through him like a bolt of lightning, and he gritted his teeth at the fresh tissue damage to his shoulder. His eyes darted around the cavern, and at least he was alone for a few moments. When his eyes were drawn back to the ceiling, he saw that Ares continued to let it play. He watched her sleeping at the base of the monument with her back to him. He heard her advisors quarreling with each other at what to do. “She’s been here for two days. She can’t go on like this. What will she do? Build a house at the site. How long will she stay away from her queenly duties. This is madness, I tell you,” one of them growled.

Iolaus had closed his eyes to block out the memories for just a moment when he heard a baby whimper. “Oh no, please no...please no. Not after everything else she’s had to deal with. Not this too,” he gasped. He watched as she raised up on her elbow and drew something to her. He could see the adjustment to he gown, and then he heard the soft contented sounds of a baby nursing.

“Well, my little man, it seems you have the same appetite as your father,” Nebula cooed softly. “It wasn’t that long ago when you were last eating, my little monkey boy.”

Iolaus cringed when he heard the break in her voice. “Why did I stay away? We should be together..we should be a family. We should leave well enough alone. What good would I be as some consort to the queen or regent to my own son? My son... Hey, Herc, I have a son. He’ll never know me, but I have a son.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that makes you ‘special’ because?!” sneered Ares. “I see you’ve taken the opportunity to see what you’ll never hold in your arms again. Oh by the way, how do you like the little healing job I’ve done on your shoulder? How about another session?”

Iolaus grimaced when he felt the bones shifting of their own accord again. He felt he was going to pass out again until he reminded himself to just breathe. “Yeah, great, Ares. You’re a regular Aesclepius. You monster, just because there is not depth of feeling for your own children, doesn’t mean I would willingly abandon mine. If I’d known...” he trailed off.

“Oh, so what you’re saying is that Nebula isn’t really important, just her child. You’d seek out the son but not the mother?” he asked as he perched himself on a rock.

“You know that’s not what I mean, Ares. Of course she’s important to me. I hurt her terribly, and I just didn’t want to hurt her anymore. She was at peace, and coming back into her world would only have made things difficult for her,” he sighed.

“For her, or you? You know, you mortals really confuse me sometimes. You don’t want to hurt her, and yet by trying not to, you have. You say that she’s at peace, but I don’t really call spending the night at a monument for someone you think is dead is a sign of peace. Do you?” Ares asked with a grin.

Iolaus watched the image as she sat up and placed his son on her shoulder and began patting his little back.In spite of the pain, the self-doubt, and the knowledge that Ares wasn’t going to let him out alive, the hunter smiled as the golden haired, mocha-skinned baby split the night with his burp.

Iphicles sat straight up in bed as he heard something being dropped in the hallway.. He quickly threw on a robe and ran to the door. He softly uttered a curse to the god of loose nails as he stumped his foot on one on his floorboard. As he laid his hand on the knob, he sighed as he remembered his guards grumbling about him just charging in where trouble could be. “Oh well, what do they know?” And he threw open the door. Iphicles just stared at his brother.

“Um..sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” sighed Hercules as he picked up the candle stand he’d just knocked over. “I was..up, and I thought...”

“Hercules, were you headed out to the ‘mountaintop’ this early? What watch is it , anyway? I told you I’d go with you in the morning.”

“I know..I know, but,” he started.

Iphicles grabbed his arm and pulled him into his rooms. “Hercules,” he sighed, “I know you’re worried, but really, what difference will going just a bit early make?” Iphicles sat his shaken brother at a table and went back to his room to dress. “However, as king, I can’t have you roaming around in the dark all along the countryside. I have a reputation to uphold, and being the brother to a crazed demigod is not one I relish to maintain.” The king walked out pulling his boot on. He snatched a cloak for himself, and rummaged through his chambers for a second for Hercules.

“Really, Iphicles. You don’t have to do this. Go back to bed,” Hercules muttered as he caught the mustard colored cloak Iphicles tossed to him. “Um...you shouldn’t.”

“Hey, anything for my baby brother. Besides, Lady Penelope made that one herself. She’d be honored for you to wear it,” he said laughingly.

Hercules almost dropped it as if it burned his skin. “L-L-Lady Penelope? Please Iph, she’ll think I’m offering a marriage contract. Oh well, at least it’s warm. Come on, Bro. Let’s go up the mountain.”

Iphicles sighed and nodded as they snuck out of the castle. His better judgment was to take a couple of the guards with them, but then he thought of how humiliated Iolaus would be if he looked as if he’d sent out a search party. His friend deserved more than that. He was even just a bit worried about how he would take to his and Hercules’ meddling. With a shrug, he walked along in the crisp pre-dawn air. He was glad that the stars seemed bright this morning as they traveled the path.

They moved on as the icy pink fingers of dawn stretched themselves across the land. They were almost there, and would have arrived sooner, if it weren’t for those stops. They stopped twice. Once, they stopped to remove a fallen tree from the trail, and they stopped to get their bearings. “You know,” Hercules began, “Iolaus wouldn’t have this problem. He always seems to know where he’s going.”

“Okay, Herc, he always seems to know where he’s going, but now will you tell me where he went? ” asked Iphicles with his hands on his hips.

Hercules stared at Iolaus’ mountaintop and saw that it was bare. The closer he moved, the more his heart began pounding. Iphicles steadied him as they came upon Iolaus’ abandoned campsite. It had all his essentials there..firewood, leftovers of a roast rabbit, and half a dozen uneaten honey cakes. Iphicles picked up the purple cloak he’d leant the hunter and shuddered himself. “Iolaus, where are you?” the demigod asked in a hushed tone.

Iolaus felt a hand on his shoulder. At first he mumbled. “Ah, Herc. Just a few more moments. I’m dreamin’ about my son.” His eyes snapped open though, when the pressure on his crushed shoulder increased. His blue eyes locked with Ares’.

“Well, I imagine that was a pleasant dream, now..wasn’t it? Too bad dreams don’t come true in real life, eh?” He smiled as he watched the mortal grimace as more of the bones knit together. “Hah! What’s all this about first do no harm. Now, again about the issue of your issue. He seems to be a strong healthy boy. I think he would serve me well. What do you think? Hey, didn’t you and Hercules keep my child from me? Now, I’m all for this turnabout being fair play.”

Iolaus thrashed about trying to get on his feet. The mocking laughter drove spikes through his heart. “Fair play? What do you know about fair play? Leave my son alone. I swear if you touch him, I’ll...I’ll”

“You’ll what, little guy? You’re acting like you have some kind of power here. Um... you don’t. So I’ll tell you what I’ll do. First, I’ll snatch the baby; it won’t be hard, a little well placed sleeping spell, and then next, I’ll make sure I give Neb your regards. Think that will destroy her?” He pushed against Iolaus’ shoulder and laughed while the mortal spasmed in agony. In a flash, Ares was gone.

“No...No...No,” he yelled to the ceiling.

Hercules and Iphicles froze as they heard the agonized cry of their friend. “Surely he didn’t. Hercules, there’s this cave that was exposed during the last earthquake. No one comes out after they go in. One of Aphrodite’s priests has said it has a curse on it. You don’t...Tartarus, Hercules, he’s down in that blasted cave!” Iphicles yelled as he started for the cave. He almost rushed into the entrance when he felt Hercules’ hand on his shoulder. “What? Why’d you stop me? We’ve gotta get in there.”

Hercules looked sadly to his brother and shook his head. “Corinth needs her king. You can’t go down there.”

“But Hercules, what can happen to me with you as my personal escort?” Iphicles asked grabbing Hercules’ cloak.

“Oh, let’s see, Sweetie,” came a voice out of a pink cloud, “You could be blasted by a ghidra, turned to stone by a she-demon, sent to an alternate world, be attacked by one... no two enforcers, end up dead so that Herc has to go get you from Hades, Um... a sea monster could swallow you whole; no I suppose you’re not in the sea. Well, Herc is that about right? Did I leave anything out? Oh yeah, you could have your body possessed by a demon.” Dite appeared, and Hercules grabbed her shoulders. “Aphrodite, can you go in there? Of course you can, you’re a goddess. Iolaus is in there and I think he’s in trouble,” babbled the demigod.

Dite drew back her hand and slapped him hard. “Chill, Bro. Isn’t our brother just the most hysterical demigod you’ve ever seen, Iphicles? By the way, love the renovations you’ve made to my temple. Good job. Now, as far as Curly is concerned. You’re right. He’s in big trouble, but I think I can fix that. And Hercules, don’t go in the cave, ‘kay?”

Aphrodite popped out, and Hercules assumed she was in the cave with Iolaus. However, when the next ear splitting scream rang deeply from within, the hero drew up his hands into fists. “Iolaus,” he gasped quietly. “I can’t leave him in there, Iphicles. I’ve got to do.. Iphicles? Iph? Oh just great! So much for following Dite’s instructions. Iphicles, wait up for me!”

Iolaus was finally able to sit up, albeit awkwardly. Thanks to his still dislocated shoulder, his sword arm dangled helplessly. Fortunately, Ares last shove healed his shattered shoulder completely. His knees felt wobbly underneath him as he slowly rose. He watched the scene begin to unfold on the ceiling. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he yelled, “Wake up, Nebula! Wake up and protect our son! AAGGHHH! I’m the one supposed to be protecting our son. No..No, WE’RE both supposed to be taking care of him. Nebula...WAKE UP!” He watched in horror as some of Ares’ army marched quietly up to the edge of the Sumerians’ campsite. Nebula’s eyes flew open, and she grasped the baby to her. “That’s my girl.. That’s my pirate with the senses of a warrior,” he gasped.

Iphicles and Hercules found Iolaus soon enough. Like the thread of Theseus, Iolaus’ shouting led them right to the cavern. Hercules grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into a bear hug. The hunter turned white, and Iphicles said, “Herc, ya better let go..or no, wait, hang on. He’s gone.”

“What?” Hercules asked as he felt his buddy go limp in his arms. “By Zeus, Iphicles, I didn’t even wait to see if he’d been hurt.”

“Just hold him up a minute, Hercules. I’ll lay out his cloak. Man, it’s frigid in here. How did he stay warm?” Iphicles asked as he spread out the purple cloak.

“He didn’t. His skin is like ice. Here, help me, Iphicles,” Herc whispered.

“When I think I used to wish I’d hear you say that Hercules, well, now, I wish I’d never wished it. I mean, yes, it would have been nice to help you, but not at his expense,” Iphicles let out a long breath of air as he took off his cloak and covered Iolaus with it. “What?” he asked as he saw his brother staring at him.

“You’re babbling, and I don’t think I slap as nicely as Dite. Iphicles!” Hercules gasped. “No wonder he passed out. Look at his shoulder. Okay, this I can fix, but I’ll need you to hold him still.”

Iphicles nodded and moved to the opposite side and held down his recently healed shoulder. Hercules gently slipped one hand underneath his shoulder and placed his other hand on top of it. Taking a deep breath, Hercules closed his eyes and put his full strength into popping his friend’s shoulder back into place. He just bowed his head as he felt Iolaus trembling beneath him. The scream made Iphicles shudder and turn green. “It’s okay, Iolaus,” whispered Hercules. “You’re going to be okay; just hang on a bit and we’ll get you out of here.

“No, no, no,”muttered the wild-eyed hunter staring at the ceiling.

“Yes, Iolaus. You’ve been hurt worse than this before. Everything’s going to be fine. I’ll make sure the palace healers take care of you,” Iphicles reassured. Iolaus tried to push against the two men. “No...No, gotta help her.”

“Help who?” Hercules frowned as he tracked Iolaus’ intense gaze to the ceiling. “By the gods! Nebula!”

Iphicles strained to look up and saw the beautiful pirate now dressed in regal robes frantically fleeing with an baby in her arms. A blond baby...a blond baby about the age ... “Iolaus? Iolaus, who’s she running from?” asked Iphicles anxiously.

Hercules helped the shaken man to sit up. “Who Iolaus?” Then as the demigod twisted to look up at the ceiling again he gasped. “Ares!” He could see the god of war standing on the hillside laughing as he watched the futile flight. They saw Ares’ warlords annihilate the Sumerian delegation. The main commander took pursuit after the queen, and Hercules frowned. “Why is he doing that, Iolaus? If he wanted Nebula and the baby..”

“MY baby!” growled Iolaus as he watched the chase.

“Okay, buddy, your baby..Why doesn’t he just pop up and grab her himself? Why the warlords and the chase?” Hercules asked with a frown.

“Torment,” gasped Iphicles. Iolaus tore his gaze from the ceiling, looked at the king with incredibly sad eyes, and nodded. “He’s made sure you’ll see everything. But why Iolaus. Why you? Why your baby?”

“Evander,” Iolaus stated plainly. “Nebula,” countered Hercules. Iolaus snapped his head in his friend’s direction and frowned. “Yes, Iolaus. When Nebula and Morrigan escorted Ares to the...to the,” He swallowed hard. “exorcism, he showed some interest in her. He seemed to think she could make a feisty replacement for Xena.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You know what he’s like. You know his obsessions, and you didn’t..Herc. Now, she could be captured, forced into his service, or be his slave to protect our son. Herc, why didn’t you tell me?” Iolaus moaned as he sat on a rock.

“Well, Iolaus. You didn’t really want to talk about Nebula or Sumeria when you got back. I didn’t want to worry you, and well, she could take care of herself. I didn’t know about the baby; she left right after the exorcism. I’m sorry, Iolaus. I’m so sorry,” mumbled Hercules as he turned from his friend.

Iphicles watched the two and shook his head. “Look, this isn’t helping anyone. Yes, Hercules should have told you about Ares and Nebula, and yes, Iolaus, you could have asked, but I’m at a loss as to how any of this blame game is going to help Nebula and the baby now. By the gods!” he gasped.

Hercules and Iolaus rushed to stand directly under the scene. Iolaus felt his friend gently touch his shoulder for support. “Thanks, Herc.”

“No problem, buddy. I’m sorry.”

“I know. Thanks. Look, he’s through tormenting me now. Oh Herc, what am I going to do?”

Ares popped in front of a running Nebula, and she stopped a hand’s width away from him. Iolaus could hear the sneer in his voice, “Well, are you watching, Iolaus? Come on Neb, aren’t you gonna wave to your true love?” Iolaus’ heart froze as he saw her face seemingly looking back at him. “Well, Nebula, since Iolaus helped take my son away from me, I’m going to return the favor. Oh, and if you want anything to do with the raising of your child, you might consider entering my service, eh?”

Hercules and Iphicles had to steady Iolaus as he listened to Ares’ offer. They all watched Nebula cling to the baby and shake her head fiercely. Iolaus felt very proud of the young woman he’d grown to love. “Love and abandon,” he whispered.

Suddenly, pink smoke surrounded Ares and Nebula, and when it cleared. Aphrodite stood there with her arm slung protectively around Nebula and the baby. “Uh, back off, Bro. Nebbie here and baby sweetcheeks are under my protection.”

Ares glared, “And how do you care to justify this. I’m sure the old man wouldn’t see it so.”

“Look, Nebula and son are in my special grove. And you can’t touch ‘em since I’ve laid my protective hand on them first. You’re just a bit late.”

“What special grove? You don’t have a special grove around here; quit stalling and release my prisoners,” he snarled as he started to move closer. Instantly, thick vines grew around his legs, and the god couldn’t move.

“As I was saying, Ares, Daddy gave me the grove this morning. It starts way over there by Iolaus’ shrine. Since Curly’s always been a favorite of mine, I’ve named it..The Grove of Iolaus. Catchy huh? Sister,” she said turning to Nebula, “Have we got to talk. I know someone in Corinth just dying to talk with you. Ooooh, look at him, he’s so cute. Let me hold him. I promise I’ll be careful. See ya, bro.”

Iolaus stood there with tears streaming down his face. His head dropped from the scene and he looked at his rescuers with pride. They sniffled and wiped away the tears as well. “The Grove of Iolaus,” Iolaus whispered. Suddenly they all started laughing, hugging, and dancing around the room until Iolaus stopped dead in his tracks. “Guys, this place is cursed. We can’t get out.” They all stopped the revelry and looked at each other solemnly.

“No probicus, Bobicus. Just follow the yellow stone road,” Dite giggled.

“The what?” Iphicles wondered.

“Oh never mind. Just walk out the door,” she sighed.

“What door?” Hercules inquired. Suddenly a giant pink door appeared in the solid rock. “Oh. Thanks, Dite. Come on, guys. Iolaus, I would feel better if you saw the healer. You know, just to make sure I didn’t hurt anything when I popped it back in.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, mother. I’ll see to it. Iphicles, any chance your cook is coming back soon. I seem to have misplaced my honey cakes.”

As they walked through the door, Dite stopped Iolaus and pulled the cloak around his shoulders. “There are two very special people who want to see you back at Iphicles’ palace. Feel up to it?”

Iolaus threw his arms around the goddess and whispered, “In a heartbeat. Thank you, Aphrodite, for saving them. Thank you.”

She kissed his cheek. “I’d help you in a heartbeat, Sweetcheeks. Now, I believe you two have so much to talk about. And baby Sweetcheeks is sooooo cute, Iolaus. He’s gonna have a real future as a ladies’ man, ya know.”

“Yeah, and maybe, just maybe Nebula and I can form some kind of future to see it all happen. By the way, where’s Ares? You sure he can’t torment us any longer?”

“Well, Sweety, I ...my protection...see, I could only. It only covers Nebula and baby sweetcheeks. Sorry, I’d slap my protection on you in a minute, but Zeus only let me take care of Nebula and her descendents,” she said with her eyes cast down.

Iolaus smiled and kissed her cheek. “That’s okay, Aphrodite. That’s all I really need anyway. Hey, I bet that protection order’s a real torment to Ares.”

Dite giggled as they exited the cave, “Oh you have no idea.”

On the ceiling of the cave, menacing eyes glared toward the door. “Oh, Iolaus, you have no idea what torment is. This is far from over.” Ares laughed and disappeared.