|
Dearest Angel BECCA, I sit here right this second and think of you. All that was and all that will never be, I miss you my angel. I missed you yesterday and the day before. I have missed you everyday since you left. And I will miss you every day until I die and can be with you while you sing in the angels choir. I think of all that would be today if only there had not been "that day". You are my daughter and will always be. I do not know who I am now. I can't even remember who I was before you or after you! I hate living and breathing. I wonder how a heart that is lying in my chest broken into a uncountable number of pieces still beats. Breathing hurts. I feel like my chest is going to explode! Laughing hurts. Because how can I laugh when you can't! How can I enjoy anything life is pointless and stupid. I have always been taught that BABIES DON"T DIE. Has my whole life been a lie. Where did you go and why didn't you fight for life and for me. I would fight heaven and hell for you! I am not angry at you because you had no choice in the matter. I am jealous of God and all the angels because they are blessed with your company! I am lost with out your presence. My dreams are filled with you In the good ones and the bad you are there. I search for you and for meaning in life. There is no meaning in my life with out you. I feel like I have lost everything. I am alone with out you. I miss you baby girl. I love you more than I can put into words! I think of all the little things you did. Like sucking n your finger and not your thumb. Like trying to figure everything out when you were so little. I wonder if I knew all along you wouldn't be here for long. You were too perfect for this world I guess. You were an angel all along. We all seen your wings in your smile. And we all seen the pure little soul that was inside you. You taught me so much in the little time you were with me. BECCA thank you for being my daughter! Thank you for smiling and laughing. Thank you for staying so long. I love you little girl, don't ever forget that please. I LOVE YOU ANGEL BABY!!! You are my angel now. I never wanted that but it is what I have and I can't change it or go back and fix what happened. I will be a better Mommy when my turn in heaven comes. That is what I look forward to now. Being your mamma in heaven.Please wait for me to grow up. I want to see that more than anything. Goodnight BECCA I won't ever say good-bye because you are still here in my heart! LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER MOMMY |
