 On October 16, at 2:00 p.m I went into labor. And at 5:09 p.m. we were told it was a girl. She was FINALLY here for me to see and hold and kiss. For me to get all the benefits of being a Mommy. I loved her from the day we found out I was pregnant with a baby. A baby......me a Mommy. Looking in her eyes was a miracle. I had done it. Brought this wonderful little girl into the world. It seemed to take them forever to get her into my arms. Oh what a joy to hold, such a gift in my arms. Oh my gosh, she's really here!!! There are bottles to fix, bathes to give, diapers to change, and icky poopy diapers. Oh I couldn't wait to get on my feet again to take her to see everyone. Especially her great-grandparents. They were so old and no one knew how many chances they would get to see her before the inevitable happened and they were lost to us. She began to grow soooooo fast, I got sick from losing to much blood when she was born and she got colicky for around two weeks. No biggy. 'Mommy' fixed it!! I held her all the time, amazed by her little fingers and toes, all of her was REAL, not a dream. This was a whole little person who quickly developed a personality. One that she had frown into herself. and her opinions were stated loudly. I would laugh as she put her hands in her mouth and get so mad because they wouldn't fit so well. Not both at once anyway. She seemed to start smiling so early. All she wanted to do was to grin at new people. Her bath was her favorite time of the day. She would smile and she loved it. No matter how fussy she was, a bath was the solution. Getting dressed at any time wasn't so hot though. She screamed and kicked and screamed a little louder. She would get sooooo mad that she held her breath and turned red. I got worried the first time but after that she didn't worry me so much because the screaming breathlessly would stop and her face was dazed when Mommy didn't freak out. She learned to turn her head and did it constantly until all that was left of her hair was fuzz in the back. She had red fuzz on top and longer thicker hair on the bottom that was so soft. Her eyes were blue like a bright sky. She went from 20 in. to 24 in almost in a few weeks, 8 lbs 4 ozs to 11 lbs 3 ozs after a few weeks. Her skin was soft (funny how she chewed the lotion off her hands after a bath.) Long fingers and toes......'so cute'. When she woke up she stretched these and every other part of her body one at a time. A button nose and fat is the word. She had lines where her jelly rolls came together. I got pregnant when I was 15. I was so scared to tell anyone. I had finally got the nerve so my boyfriend and I were going to sit our parents down and tell them hoping no one would get hurt. Then he got called in to work late so we would not have the chance that night. Well some how some one had "heard" about it and called my boyfriends mother. Well he was at work so I caught hell all that night. The next few days were odd and hard to deal with. My parents were upset to say the least. Chris(my husband but boyfriend at the time) was not allowed any where near me. I can't blame my father I am his little girl no matter what. So it made Chris the big bad man. He wasn't much older than me and we knew nothing about taking care of babies. All I knew was from my 3 little sisters and little brother and babysitting other peoples babies. Well every one finally became accustomed to it being the way it was and was gonna be always. We decided on names and started buying clothes for a new babies. He had to leave in May and I was only a few months along. He was going to bootcamp.For those months BECCA was my savoir. I had know Chris for 7 years and he was not there at the hardest point I thought I would ever go through. I went along and BECCA was such a doll during the pregnancy. Never once did I get morning sickness or anything of the such. No problems at all. Two days before Chris was to leave bootcamp to come home I had the second ultrasound. She showed all. IT IS A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!! The day before Chris was to leave his first stage of bootcamp in August I got in the car with my mother and we drove 9 hours straight to see him. We got there and we started crying I showed him the ultrasound. He was excited he didn't care whether it was a girl or boy. After a few more months things were easier when I could talk to him by phone. BECCA was so active. She loved to crawl up in my ribs and grab and put. I held every little kick dear. I was so afraid I would lose her. On October 9 Chris got home for good. Then on the 15 I started having labor pains. They were bad all night. On the 16th my water started to leak. That was at 10:00a.m. I had an appointment at 2:00p.m. I waited. We went in and they checked me 2 c.m. by the time I got upstairs it was 3c.m. The broke my water. At 5:09p.m. my wonderful baby girl was born. She looked at me with such wonder in her eyes. Wonder was only masked by the love in those big blue eyes. All I could say was It's my baby over and over agian. She was perfect in everyway. I love her so very very much. We took her home on the 18th. I was so happy, I could not do much. I had some trouble having her so I was on bedrest for two weeks. She quickly learned to smile. It was a wonderful smile. She was alway happy. She had a little colic but she was fine by the time she was 2 weeks old. She loved life. She tried to talk but got so mad when no sound came out. She cooed and gooed all the time. It was wonderful to see her play. She ate and ate and ate some more. She laughed but never could figure out how to do it agian. She hiccupped and it made her so mad she would scream. She loved peek-a-boo , the ittsy bittsy spider, and pattycake. She loved her bath more than anything except cuddling. She always slept with me too. She was so perfect and was always doing something new. On Christmas she got a ton of attention, she loved it and all the new noises. She got more toys than she could ever use. On New Years Eve she learned how to laugh and laugh. She did it all day. Then that morning came. We went to bed around three the night before, after the new year was rang in. I gave Becca a good night kiss and she smiled at me. Her daddy and her layed down on the couch and went to sleep. Becca always slept with me but that night her father asked me to let her sleep with him. She went to sleep around 3:00 or so. I woke up the next morning to the sound of my mother saying she was dead. I jumped up and ran to her. I draped over her and screamed at her to wake up and everytime I got a little louder. I kept screamming and crying and begging her to wake up. But she was so cold and blue that deep down I knew I was lying to myself. I tried to run out the door but her daddy caught me. I don't remember calling people, but they were showing up. My mom covered Becca up so the people couldn't see her. I wanted to hold her but as someone was going to get her for me, the paramedics were leaving with her. The day of her wake was sooo hard for me to deal with. I couldn't stand or talk. Then came the funeral. I held her for the last time before the funeral started. It was so hard to put her back in that little box. Her daddy picked her up and tucked her in.  |
