Author Remains At Large
Sometimes I have often wondered if this was the right thing to do...
I sit here alone, looking at all of the things that have happened to me in the past sixteen years, and I wonder, was it all worth it?
I know that in my heart it was, but at the same time, I feel like I could have changed things a bit to make the entire outcome different...in some way or another.
Don't tease yourself, you couldn't have changed it if you tried.
I knew that leaving was a big chance on his part. I now know that it was what he had wanted all of those years, but none of us wanted to really see it. You saw it, just didn't want to admit it... I have fought with myself on wether or not I should have stepped in and stopped him from doing that, but they all tell me that it would have done no good. He would have done it anyway, and I would have looked the fool in his eyes for saying it.
You were a fool. You should have said something...
We worked together for so long, and became such good friends, almost like brothers, it was hard on me to look at him and see him go. He smiled that usual smile of his, like it would all be ok, but in a way I doubt he even knew if it would. After a while, it was as if his memory had vanished. It was almost as if we had intended it to be that way. Before I knew it, I wasn't thinking of what he would do in situations that would come up during sessions, like he never existed. Was I being two-faced? Yes. Or was I just moving on like everyone else had seemed to be doing?
My fans think differently, or maybe it's his fans that think that way. I can't tell you the number of people who had written to us telling us that we needed to do something, anything to stop him from making this "horrid mistake." It was appalling.
I started discarding those letters as they came in. Face it, you couldn't read them anymore. Too painful.
One day in recent, he phoned me up out of the blue. His voice was happy, stronger than it had been in years. I knew that he was involved with a slew of new projects, and for once he was actually enjoying what he was doing. His life had finally come into place, and he was at peace with that. He wanted to get together for a night, a fundraiser of sorts, I guess. I quickly said yes to the offer, knowing that it would be like "old times" to work with him again.
In retrospect, I'm glad that I did it. Just that one night on stage with him again made me appreciate all of the risks that he had taken by leaving. He knew as much as I did that it would not have been an easy road to take, but he took it, and now look at him. He's finally happy.
But am I happy?
Yes, you're happy, don't be ridiculous...
