More Laffs

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady, we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"My goodness," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
Two golden agers were discussing their husbands over lunch.
"I do wish that my John would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."
My Fred used to do the same thing," the other woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."
"Really, how?" asked the first woman.
"Easy, I hid his teeth."
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets killed. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying, "But don't worry, the cat is in heaven with God now."

The boy replied, "What's God gonna' do with a dead cat?"