I suppose everyone knows that we have a new leader in the U.S. I hope that everyone, regardless of political persuasion, will follow the direction of God and remember to pray for Mr. Bush.
Here are some pretty good stories, hope you enjoy.
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie (she was married to one)
A guy got a credit card bill stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it...but next month he got another one stating they were going to cancel his credit card if he didn't send them $0.00. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a glitch and told him they'd take care of it.
The following month he tried to charge something and couldn't. He called the credit card company who again said they would take care of it. The next day he got his bill for $0.00 stating that he was very delinquent.
So he thought he had a solution. He mailed the credit card company a check for $0.00, and the credit card company's computer processed it, noting that his account was now paid in full.
A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a check for $0.00. He explained and they said, "Well, your $0.00 check has caused our check processing software to fail. We now can't process ANY of our checks from that day electronically because that $0.00 check has caused the program to abort. We are closing your account!"
The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.
"Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked.
"Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied.
"What's it for?" "I don't know," the second boy answered. "I think you stand on it and it makes you mad."
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?"
The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."
"Why is that?" Asked the professor.
"For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be about a hundred years old."