LAFF A LITTLE

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars"
"Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years:
"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in a flood of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks.
"Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again "I found that the cat had eaten it!"
"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can always get you a new cat."
Great truths about life brought to us by children:
- No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
- When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
- Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- School lunches stick to the wall.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a new computer?"
A father brought his son into the doctor because the boy had a matchbox car shoved up his nose. All the while them doctor was trying to remove the car, the father kept saying, "I just don't know how he did it!"
Finally the doctor managed to remove the little car, and the father and son left

. A few hours later, the father came back with the matchbox shoved up HIS nose. He told the doctor, "*Now* I know how he did it!"