Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!
                                                                                                                                                                           

You Might Be a Redneck If...

1.Your home has more miles on it than your car.
2.You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
3.There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
4.You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
5.Fewer than half of your cars actually run.
6.Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the Highway Patrolman to kiss her where the sun don't shine.
7.You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
8.You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
9.Your family tree doesn't fork.
10.Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
11.Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
12.You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
13.The best way to keep things cold is to leave them on the front porch.
14.The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas decorations.
15.Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
16.You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
17.Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
18.The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
19.You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
20.You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
21.You use the term `over yonder´ more than once a month.
22.The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
23.Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
24.You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
25.Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
26.You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
27.The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What are you looking at, Pinhead?"
28.You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
29.You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
30.The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy" or "How Y'all doin?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
31.You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
32.Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
33.You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
34.You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
35.You've ever used a weed eater indoors.
36.You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
37.You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right´
38.You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
39.Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
40.Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
41.You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
42.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
43.Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
44.The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
45.Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
46.You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
47.You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
48.Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
49.You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
50.Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
51.You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
52.You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
53.You have to scratch your sister's name out of the message: "for a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there.
54.Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
55 You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
56 Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
57 Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
58 You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
59 You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
60 You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
61 You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
62 You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
63 The biggest fashion decision you have is which plaid shirt to wear to the 4-H Fair.
64 You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
65 Someone in your family says "Come and look at this before I flush it".
66 If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
67.You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
68 You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
69.You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
70.You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest" contest.
71.You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
72.You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
73.There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
74.You think the mountain men in "Deliverance" were just "misunderstood".
75.If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year".
76.You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
77.You own at least 20 baseball caps.
78.You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball cap.
79.You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
80.When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
81.When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
82.You have 5 cars that are not mobile and a house that is.
83.Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".
84.Your hunting dog cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
85.You have a Hefty bag for a car convertible top.
86.Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
87.You have an Elvis Jello mold.
88.You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
89.You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
90.You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
91.You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
92The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places´
93.It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
94.You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are three of the primary colors.
95.You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
96.Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
97.The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
98.Your mom calls you over to help because she has a flat tire...on her house. 99.The ASPCA raids your kitchen.
100.You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco
101.You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
102.You celebrate Groundhog Day (because you believe in it.)
103.You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
104.You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something.
105.When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
106.Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
107.If you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
108.Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
109."Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
110.Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Mark Martin Budweiser wall clock.
111.You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
112.You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
113.Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons´. (Of course this is a very sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed...you must be a redneck.
114.The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).
115.You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
116 You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose.
117.You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
118.Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
119.You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
120.Exxon and Shell have offered you royalties for your hair.
121.Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

Back to Christian Poetry