On the evening of January 24, 2002, Joel felt the urge to eat chocolate syrup. However, he realized that there was no way he could justify pouring a bottle of chocolate syrup down his throat. The only way he could satisfy his unusual craving was to fix it so that the chocolate syrup was no good... And that's where the poncho and scythe came in.

Joel, ever mindful of true fashion sense, realized that while chocolate is very much in vogue, it would not do to get any on his body. He racked his brain for ideas. Suddenly, it occurred to him that there was an old poncho in the attic.

He stumbled through a hole on his roof, which as many readers will know, is the best way to reach the attic. Unfortunately for Joel, a large dog was waiting directly underneath the hole. Joel stunned him in his fall, and realizing there was something alive underneath him, he grabbed the nearest object he could find. At first, he thought it was a broom. After the initial swat at the breathing, unconscious form, Joel realized he was wielding something much more lethal.

A feather duster!

I mean, a scythe.

Being Joel, he thought, "This 'feather duster' will help me keep my room clean. Clean of intruders." He gripped the scythe lightly and used his super ninja-night vision to locate the old, dusty poncho. After shaking it to clear off the layers of dust, Joel wrapped it securely over himself and descended by means of a small TV showing the Jerry Springer show.

No one had seen him. Joel smiled, determined to make it into his room with his new treasure. However, he wasn't two steps down the hall before he recalled the cold, silky chocolate syrup. He knew he didn't want to get any on himself, but the desire to touch it was so strong...

He extended his hand and allowed a sweet brown stream to trail upon his skin. The chill of the chocolate was shocking at first, but as it pooled in his palm, Joel suddenly realized that he needed to bathe in the syrup very badly. Joel looked about frantically. His aunt was not ten feet away, bustling about the kitchen. He also knew he didn't have enough syrup to bathe in unless he walked to the fridge for some more. Thinking quickly, he grabbed his camera, which was already set up on its tripod. Joel figured that with the proper amount of suggestion, he could make it SEEM like he had bathed in the lovely, sticky syrup. With that idea pushing him forth, Joel began setting up everything he needed for his chocolate photo shoot.

These are the details I was given by this certain person, who may or may not be named Joel:
"This evening was interesting. I had a lot of fun with a rain poncho and scythe, and I found that large amounts chocolate syrup are really hard to scrub off of bathroom tile. To say any more about my evening would probably be inappropriate. I will state, however, that all of that is true. I'm not just making up random stuff...the odor of chocolate still lingers on my fingertips. And I got pictures of it all! Which...hopefully...I'll be able to get printed within the next few days. I could give you little bits of information. But I think they'd be a WHOLE lot more incriminating than giving the whole story...so I'd be obligated to clear my name with the whole story...which I don't want to do. I just mentioned a poncho, a scythe, and chocolate syrup stuck to bathroom tile! That's not interesting! Well, when I began the evening I certainly didn't intend for them to collide. Well, the evening being interesting was totally unrelated to those four particular things. I didn't even mention the attic, the large dogs, the hole in the roof, and the tiny TV playing the Jerry Springer Show."