Liners II

These are continued from the first Liners page. Liners are quotes of funny/strange bits of conversation. This means there's some sort of interaction between at least two speakers. Anyway, as I have said about my other quotes, some of these are funny only if you were there. Also, the liners may not seem outwardly amusing. Sometimes, you just have to try and imagine what the speakers could have been discussing.

• "Mmm!" --Helen L.
• "What?" --Susan L.
• "Nothing. I just had an idea." --Helen L.
• "What kind of an idea? A mischievous idea? A manipulative idea?" --Susan L.
• "A manipulative idea." --Helen L.
• "Wow! Second guess!" --Susan L.
• "You know me a little too well, I think." --Helen L., 1-2-02
• "Nice puzzle...I'll do you later." --Susan L.
• "Ah-hrm." --Helen L.
• "What? Can you honestly say you've never talked to a puzzle before?" --Susan L.
• "Yes. Yes, I can." --Helen L., 1-2-02
• "I think I can't go to sleep tonight." --Helen L.
• "Why not?" --Santos G.
• "I'm scared that I'll wake up kidnapped." --Helen L., 1-5-02
• "That'd be interesting, to make a book full of typos and to have people find them." --Helen L.
• "So instead of Where's Waldo?, it's Where's Typo?" --Jeremiah H., 1-8-02
• "Ah, people are hiding PRs behind the computer!" --Helen L.
• "Damn them." --Elizabeth S., 1-11-02
• "Hey HooveR, did anyone bring by some napkins for me?" --Helen L.
• "Uh...not that I know of." --Jeremiah H.
• "Okay. Just wondering." --Helen L., 1-11-02
• "There's another option, though no one's ever taken us up on it. A project." --Dr. Armstrong
• "A big project. BIG!!" --Dr. Mikics
• "Yeah, you could terraform the Moon. Something along those lines. But usually it has to be something you're already working on." --Dr. Armstrong, 1-15-02
• "Susie, I need to borrow your brain. For the rest of my life." --Helen L.
• "Then what will I do?!" --Susan L.
• "I'll help you." --Helen L., 1-19-02
• "I used to be beautiful!" --Helen L.
• "No one cares about looks, Helen. Only artificial people." --Susan L.
• "I am artificial." --Helen L.
• "Then maybe you should become real." --Susan L., 1-19-02
• "She started sobbing!" --Eduardo C.
• "So did you comfort her...in the Walden way?" --Robert V., 1-26-02 (The Walden way...when "Sorry" just isn't enough.)
• "I like to feel money." --Susan L.
• "Ewww..." --Helen L.
• "That's what the quiz results said." --Susan L., 1-28-02
• Someone coughs
• "Don't die now; I need your tuition!" --Dr. Lutz, 1-29-02
• "What happens when you can't tell the difference between an egg and your date? Either you have a bad definition of an egg, or you haven't been listening to your date." --Dr. Lutz
• "Or you have been listening to your date." --Seth L., 1-29-02
• "I feel like buying those lil plastic swords that people use on hors d'oeurves...or whatever it is they use 'em on..." --Helen L.
• "Hamsters." --Santos G.
• "Ah, yes, that's what I was thinking of. I don't know how I got the two confused. One is...so much hairier than the other." --Helen L., 1-29-02
• "But aren't you through covering your books for this year?" --Helen L.
• "I. Don't. Care. One of them might 'accidentally' tear." --Susan L., 2-1-02 (On why she's allowed to help herself to my new bookcovers)
• "Who is America's founding father?" --Stone Teacher
• "Me..." --Katherine S., 2-2-02
• "Well, this is an unusual class. Can I have some of your toilet paper?" --Andrew C.
• "Mm-hm." --Helen L.
• "I swear I've never said that before today." --Andrew C., 2-2-02
• "You mean you've never heard of Quake? Everyone's heard of Quake!" --Helen L.
• "No. I'd rather have My Resume Maker." --Susan L., 2-2-02 (discussing possible software purchases at Office Depot)
• "If I couldn't play golf, I would die." --guy at school
• "Really?" --guy's friend
• "Yes, I would die." --first guy, 2-4-02 (overheard by Santos)
• "Hey, let's march on through that puddle of mud!" --guy
• "We'll slide through it." --friend of guy
• "And we can sing that song by Puddle of Mudd." --guy, 2-6-02 (Who says you need snow to have fun in the winter?)
• "The Southern Hemisphere...that's...a march. Sounds very Nazi-ish." --Herr Winterstein
• "Reliving your fascist days?" --Josh ?
• "I never had any fascist days." --Herr Winterstein, 2-6-02
• "We had the ones with the bombs in them." --Herr Winterstein
• "Cartridges." --Josh ?, 2-6-02 (My German prof on the pens he used in elementary school.)
• "What do you wish for?" --Stone Teacher
• "New car." --Roger H.
• "And you?" --Stone Teacher
• "I don't know." --? ?
• "You don't want anything?" --Stone Teacher
• "I want a polar bear." --? ?
• "You want a polar bear?" --Roger H.
• "Peas. I want peas." --? ?, 2-9-02
• "How do you feel about the bus?" --Dr. Armstrong
• "I love the bus." --? ?, 2-12-02
• "If you bring your accordion, can I bring my monkey?" --? ?
• "Sure! If you've got a monkey, bring it!" --Dr. Armstrong
• "What kind of monkey?" --Dr. Mikics
• "Space monkey." --? ?
• "You don't spank it, do you?" --Dr. Armstrong
• "No, they're just little irreplacable monkeys that I take with me wherever I go." --? ?, 2-14-02
• "I got chicken and a croissant." --Diana R.
• "For eating? Or for throwing?" --Helen L.
• "Eating." --Diana R.
• "Why not throwing?!" --Helen L.
• "Because I'm hungry." --Diana R.
• "Throw first; eat later!" --Helen L.
• "I'd rather eat off a plate instead of off the floor." --Diana R., 2-17-02
• "Dammit!" --Josh ?
• "It's 'damit.'" --Carla ?, 2-20-02 (Just a little German humor.)
• "What happened to all the other skaters?" --Susan L.
• "Nancy Kerrigan already had her baby." --Helen's mom
• "Wait. Nancy Kerrigan is a woman?!!" --Helen L., 2-20-02 (I wasn't being sarcastic. I was really surprised.)
• "There are people who have died standing there." --Mr. Blankinship
• "Really?" --guy in class
• "No, I just wanted to see if you would believe me." --Mr. Blankinship, 2-22-02 (from Stephanie L.!)
• "And what is a Kinderladen?" --Herr Winterstein
• "A place where you buy kids." --Josh ?
• "They'd be there forever." --Carla ?, 2-22-02 (coming from the one parent in the class)
• "No defensive driving. No defensive anything. You can't take a class for recycling." --Herr Winterstein
• "No defensive recycling?" --Josh ?, 2-22-02 (On the 200 DM [$100] fine Herr Winterstein's parents had to pay for not sorting their recyclables correctly. They're very strict about it in Germany.)
• "You seem like you could do illegal stuff, Helen." --Andrew C.
• "I don't do concert tickets." --Helen L., 2-23-02
• "I love clothes today." --? ?
• "Yeah, I love clothes today, too." --Dr. Armstrong, 2-26-02 (while viewing a 17th century drawing of the Golden Age)
• "It's German! I adore German." --Helen L.
• "Lucky you." --Daisy W.
• "Nah, I'm just a freak." --Helen L.
• "That too, I suppose." --Daisy W., 2-28-02
• "Oh, Susie, I checked out some books for you. They're on your bed." --Helen L.
• "Ugh. Everything ends up on the bed except me." --Susan L., 3-1-02 (So...where does she end up?)
• "Nooo, 'cause I'm the king of big explosions!" --Jim P.
• "Yeah, and I can be the queen of kaboom." --Helen L.
• "No. No kaboom." --Jim P.
• "What's wrong with kaboom?" --Helen L., 3-1-02
• "Oooh...collarbone..." --Helen L.
• "Mmm. Where's yours?" --Jim P.
• "Right here!" --Helen L.
• "Ah, there it is." --Jim P., 3-1-02 (Perhaps I was dismembered and nobody notified me...)
• "Slim Jim!!" --Helen L.
• "Snap into a Slim Jim." --Jim P.
• "Um...no." --Helen L., 3-1-02
• "I'M HAPPY AND WELL-ADJUSTED, I TELL YOU!" --Helen L.
• "Yeah, but you still need to be more independent." --Susan L., 3-3-02 (Nothing ever satisfies my family...)
• "Augh! You're eating more?! Aren't you afraid you'll explode?" --Helen's mom
• "Oh Mommy, I don't explode." --Helen L.
• "Are you sure? Have you tried?" --Susan L., 3-3-02 (It's rather clear to me that my sister must hate me...)
• "There's something very wrong with you." --Helen L.
• "I know. I've always known that." --Susan L., 3-5-02 (So why didn't you tell the rest of us?)
• "Just think, Brad, someday, when your wife is having a baby, you--" --Helen L.
• "--won't be surprised." --Susan L., 3-5-02
• "Here Hoov, have a smile. It's golden brown and crinkly on the edges." --Helen L.
• "Nah. I'll stick with my frown. It's gotten me this far in life." --Jeremiah H.
• "But it's laden with sugar!!!" --Helen L.
• "Ick..." --Jeremiah H., 3-6-02
• "I need to find a hobby...apparently playing with fire isn't one." --Will W.
• "Fire is always fun." --Donna X.
• "That's a hobby...pyromania is a full-time hobby." --Stephanie L.
• "Yeah, but then I saw We Were Soldiers today, and it changed my whole outlook on fire. It was so destructive...I never knew that." --Will W., 3-8-02
• "Thanks for your comments." --Stephanie L.
• "You're welcome. I make them specially for you. Sort of like personalized cookies but with letters. So, I guess it's more like personalized alphabet soup. Or maybe they're just comments. I mean, I don't want you to have to consume them or anything." --Helen L., 3-14-02
• "I'm corrupting you!" --Helen L.
• "Hee hee, that's great, isn't it?" --Stephanie L., 3-17-02
• "You missed the whole 80's!" --Herr Winterstein
• "I know! I'm sorry! (to herself) Thank God..." --Meredith ?, 3-18-02
• "I don't need any hula boys in here." --Dr. Lutz
• "Neither do we." --Michael G., 3-21-02
• "Rice is also one of the private schools in the country where you graduate with the least amount of debt." --Meredith ?
• "Least amount of what?!" --Herr Winterstein
• "Debt." --Meredith ?
• "Oh, debt! I thought you said 'dead'." --Herr Winterstein, 3-27-02
• "Those are really strange lightbulbs. They look like popsicles." --Helen L.
• "They don't taste like them, though." --Jeremiah H., 3-30-02
• "What're you doing?" --Helen L.
• "Sitting on the ground. What are you doing?" --Elizabeth S.
• "Standing on the ground." --Helen L.
• "I see. So we're really not all that different, are we?" --Elizabeth S., 3-30-02
• "I know that's ancient history, guys, but DJs existed before the 60's. '65. Whenever you guys were born." --Dr. Musburger
• "80's?" --the class
• "80's." --Dr. Musburger, 4-2-02
• "Americans like to use the word stuff. Stuff. Stuff!" --Herr Winterstein
• "You say that with such disdain." --Meredith ?, 4-8-02
• "I got a metal checkbook cover! You can hit people at the bank with it. It really hurts! You can kill someone." --Herr Winterstein
• "Why would you want to do that?" --Christian B.
• "Why not?" --Herr Winterstein, 4-8-02 (Ooh, such logic.)
• "Maybe she likes to hurt people." --Herr Winterstein
• "No, nurses don't hurt; they help!" --Carla ?, 4-8-02
• "Sorry, Heinrich, I shouldn't have come to class." --Josh ?
• "My name is not Heinrich." --Herr Winterstein, 4-8-02
• "I don't understand that. Do people propose in restaurants?" --Herr Winterstein
• "I did it on a dock." --Christian B.
• "Oooh, he took his girlfriend to a dock..." --Meredith ?
• "What happens if she says no?" --Herr Winterstein
• "Then you push her in." --Edward Z., 4-8-02 (German class is better than television. I swear.)
• "You can speak!" --Mr. Donalson
• Girl gives him look.
• "No, I mean...I meant that as a compliment." --Mr. Donalson, 4-10-02 (from Stephanie!)
• "Are those particularly interesting buttocks, or what?" --Edward Z.
• "Oh-ho, those are good!" --Carla ?, 4-17-02
• "Well, I'll be home on the weekends. There'll be plenty of time for dragging on the weekends." --Helen L.
• "Yi yi yi yi yi! Ah yi yi yi yi yi!" --Susan L.
• "I think I'd better write that down." --Helen L.
• "What?" --Susan L.
• "What I just said." --Helen L.
• "Oh, I didn't hear. I was too busy going 'Yi yi yi yi yi!'" --Susan L., 4-17-02
• "So. Why are you sitting on that dictionary?" --Helen L.
• "'Cause there's nothing else to do with it." --Susan L., 4-18-02 (My mind is filled with questions...)
• "Okay, scratch that. I don't know what I was thinking. Those couldn't possibly be breasts." --Dr. Mikics
• "Hypothetically, they're breasts." --? ?, 4-18-02 (I think Dr. Mikics enjoys the movie Metropolis just a little too much...)
• "I listen to the Neptunes. You've never heard of the Neptunes?" --Andrew C.
• "You just go listen to your strange planet music." --Roger S., 4-20-02
• "We don't want them! They're Canadians!" --Amber C.
• "We don't want those white hordes pouring across the borders!" --Dr. Lutz, 4-25-02 (What are they talking about?!)
• "I want you all to raise your hands right now and promise me you won't turn in an 80-page paper." --Dr. Lutz
• Class is brimming with mixed emotions.
• "Let's say 40." --Dr. Lutz
• Half of the class is upset; the rest is hopeful.
• "30? 25?" --Dr. Lutz
• "What fun!" --Seth L.
• "What're we going to do, leave out our margins?!" --Michael G.
• "Half-line spacing?" --Seth L.
• "I tell you, the font on these papers keeps getting smaller and smaller." --Dr. Lutz, 4-25-02 (How are we going to fit a constitutional design in a 25-page paper??!!)
• "Well, I was going to call you at home, but then, I didn't." --Dr. Mikics
• "You should have!!" --Dr. Armstrong, 4-25-02
• "Hey, how is your niece?" --Helen L.
• "Um. She is young?" --Brad S., 5-1-02
• "Help! I need nutrition!" --Helen Lin #1
• "No, you need sleep." --Helen Lin #2
• "Oh yeah...that's how you pronounce it." --Helen Lin #1
• "Shut up, both of you!" --Helen Lin #3, 5-4-02
• "Koalas." --Helen L.
• "Of course..." --Stephanie L.
• "I just want to look at one all of a sudden." --Helen L.
• "Ha ha...why not?" --Stephanie L.
• "Ah, you're so accepting." --Helen L.
• "Of you wanting to see koalas? Who wouldn't be accepting?" --Stephanie L., 5-8-02
• "I don't have many friends." --Mr. Blankinship
• Class laughs.
• "Shopkeepers run when they see me coming." --Mr. Blankinship, 5-9-02 (from Stefa-roni!)
• "Okay, what's the title of the first story?" --Stone Teacher
• "'My Good Friend.'" --Katherine S.
• "Correct. Do you have good friends?" --Stone Teacher
• "No." --Andrew C.
• "No." --Katherine S.
• "Well, then you have to think about why. Could it be something about you?" --Stone Teacher
• "People suck." --Andrew C.
• "Nobody likes me." --Katherine S., 5-11-02 (Chinese school turned into a counseling session...)
• "Where do you work?" --Andrew C.
• "Kumon." --Katherine S.
• "It's a math-tutoring place." --Helen L.
• "And you...you help them? I don't mean to say this...but you help kids?" --Andrew C.
• "You help animals?" --Katherine S.
• "Meyerland Animal Clinic. But I help save lives." --Andrew C.
• "I help save lives, too." --Katherine S., 5-11-02 (*sniff*...I wanna help save lives...)
• "Borders won't want me." --Brad S.
• "Why not? Don't be so negative!" --Helen L.
• "I'm an electron. I can't help it." --Brad S., 5-16-02
• "I want a joob!!!!!!" --Brad S.
• "Write a little note that says you're open to any of those full-time/part-time status things." --Helen L.
• "But I can't afford a joob without a job, so I need to lie." --Brad S.
• "I accidentally checked 'yes' next to that felony question on the Waldenbooks application." --Helen L.
• "Little notes? They will hire the Mr. One Check guy...Mr. Joe Highschool." --Brad S., 5-16-02
• "v,gfseodhrtujrd6duj6jujusa t6ju6t" --Brad S.
• "Yeah, sva;oeo8ijwo3;i;jagh;l" --Helen L.
• "jjmjkytkuydfiktudik7utjkmtydjuyktdukmuyo" --Brad S.
• "No, I don't speak that language." --Helen L., 5-16-02
• "Don't worry; he won't do anything." --Stephanie L.
• "He's not doing anything right now...I thought maybe he died." --Helen L., 5-21-02
• "Bring a camera this time. I need to take a picture." --Susan L.
• "Of who??!" --Helen's mom
• "Of no one! An egg tart!" --Susan L.
• "Egg tart??!" --Helen's mom, 6-2-02
• "Hi, David! Aww, you look like a little boy today!" --Helen L.
• "I am a little boy, what are you talking about?" --David V., 6-8-02 (He's 40.)
• "Steve, my name is Elizabeth. I'm the person who's killing you tonight." --Elizabeth S.
• "See? Now that's courteous. Why can't more people do that?" --Steve H., 6-9-02
• "Guess what I'm doing!" --Helen L.
• "Typing?" --Susan L.
• "Vacuuming!" --Helen L.
• "I was close." --Susan L., 6-12-02
• "So, do I have any interesting mail this week?" --Helen L.
• "No." --Susan L.
• "Or male?" --Helen L.
• "Male? Uh...?" --Susan L.
• "Male!" --Helen L.
• "Male!" --Susan L.
• "Male!" --Helen L., 6-18-02
• "Does anybody know Jesus?" --Dr. Walden
• Class is silent.
• "He wasn't prejudiced. I just want you to know that." --Dr. Walden, 6-20-02
• "Judy Chen wants to be in business law. I think. I never pictured her as a lawyer." --Helen L.
• "I never even pictured her." --Brad S., 6-22-02
• "How else do you explain your erratic behavior?" --Helen L.
• "Uhhh...randomness." --Jim P.
• "Right. Randomness." --Helen L.
• "Yes! Randomness. Full of Jim-osity." --Jim P., 7-1-02
• "Eduardo, you have to stand around." --Krickett S.
• "I promise I will." --Eduardo C., 7-13-02
• "I want my children to be over 9 years of age." --Helen L.
• "When they're born?" --Santos G.
• "I don't care what age they're born at, as long as they're 9 by the time I acquire them." --Helen L., 7-14-02
• "I always do that when I got shopping with my family...I lose them. So I walk around sort of pathetic-like and tell everyone that I lost my parents." --Helen L.
• "You don't just...look for them? If I lose someone in a store, I look for them." --Santos G.
• "My family is short and damn hard to find." --Helen L.
• "Wal-Marts can be confusing." --Santos G.
• "I actually lost my family at Sears last week." --Helen L., 7-14-02
• "I do not have the tests graded so far." --Prof. Barkley
• "You're fired." --guy in class, 7-23-02
• "Dumb Helen-drug! Baaad!" --Santos G.
• "I've achieved drug status! Wow." --Helen L., 7-26-02
• "So that would mean...that I'm really me?" --Santos G.
• "I mean, something. I lost that train of thought. It forgot to make its stop in my brain station." --Helen L., 8-8-02
• "Anyway, I have to leave now. My homework is calling my name." --Susan L.
• "Oh...you guys are on a first-name basis?" --Helen L.
• "Yes. I say 'homework;' it says, 'Susan.'" --Susan L.
• "Gettin' pretty chummy, eh?" --Helen L.
• "Oh, yes. That's the only way I'll ever succeed." --Susan L., 8-28-02
• "Did ya hear? Robert is the new assistant manager!" --Helen L.
• "Really? Poor, poor guy..." --Jeremiah H., 8-31-02 (When your new job isn't quite what you expected)
• "I'm off to bed, so take care and tell him, 'Congratulations from HooveR...eh ha ha ha...EH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!' End quote." --Jeremiah H.
• "I'll have to try and duplicate that exactly." --Helen L., 8-31-02
• "Being insane is liberating. You don't have to make any sense." --Helen L.
• "Unless you want to." --Susan L., 9-1-02 (Does anyone remember who said this?)
• "Somebody's laughing at me!" --Helen L.
• "Uh, no, Helen...we're laughing around you." --Susan L., 9-7-02
• "I just want to make sure there isn't an apple thief roaming the house. That would be dangerous to my apples." --Susan L.
• "Uh-huh." --Helen L.
• "There's a peach thief, too. I can't find my peaches." --Susan L., 9-7-02
• "Oh yeah, I forgot. I turned British last week." --Diana R.
• "Was it hard?" --Helen L.
• "Not really. It only hurt for like a second." --Diana R., 9-7-02
• "I AM EVIL!!! WHAAAAA WHAAAAA WHAAAAA WHAAAA!" --Diana R.
• "Usually, when people really believe something, they don't have to repeat it over and over...right? That's what TV taught me..." --Helen L.
• "Yeah." --Roshan B.
• "TV is evil." --Diana R.
• "Oh, that explains it." --Roshan B.
• "I guess it's a good thing that I haven't got one here." --Helen L.
• "Yep. Look at how I turned out." --Diana R.
• "How did you turn out?" --Helen L.
• "EVIL!" --Diana R.
• "Oh." --Helen L., 9-9-02
• "My mouse died." --guy in computer lab
• "Do you want to get a gerbil?" --Prof. Hite, 9-17-02
• "I will now only be referred to as 'Frodo Baggins' or 'Brad4O.'" --Brad S.
• "I shall try to remember to call you that." --Helen L.
• "I'm gonna make a 4.0 this semester." --Brad S.
• "What happens if you don't? Do we call you something else?" --Helen L.
• "Brad-Ambulance-Chaser." --Brad S.
• "I see. That one's a bit longer." --Helen L., 9-9-02
• "Tomorrow's the autumnal equinox. Aren't you excited?!!" --Susan L.
• "Yeah. Thrilled." --Helen L.
• "Me, too! I love autumn. But I like the solstice better." --Susan L., 9-22-02
• "Why the heck haven't you seen it?" --Brad S.
• "...uh...I don't like Lord of the Rings?" --Helen L.
• "You read it?" --Brad S.
• "No. I couldn't ever get through it. It bored me." --Helen L.
• "It is deliciously boring. Boring has never been written so well." --Brad S.
• "You make a good case. I'll try harder not to read it." --Helen L., 9-27-02
• "Ruby, I'm losing my mind." --Helen L.
• "Okay. If you insist." --Krickett S., 9-28-02
• "Jim has one of those. He's a guy." --Helen L.
• "I thought he was a girl! Good thing you cleared that up for me before I made an embarrassing remark!" --Susan L., 10-6-02 (We're talking about a particular sweater design, just in case you're curious.)
• "Uh-oh." --alert sound on Watson's new computer
• "Uh-oh what?!!" --Watson R., 10-9-02
• "What's a gross ice cream flavor?" --Helen L.
• "Vomit." --Diana R.
• "I've never had that kind before." --Helen L.
• "Me neither...thank God." --Diana R., 10-17-02
• "Is it nutritious?" --Samira Z.
• "Of course. Any chocolate is nutritious." --Karleen K.
• "I knew it!" --Samira Z.
• "You just come and see me about any chocolate problems you have, okay?" --Karleen K., 10-25-02
• "Has anyone NOT been exposed to?" --Dr. Babcock
• One girl raises her hand
• "You? That's nice." --Dr. Babcock, 10-27-02 (I didn't realize flashing was so prevalent...)
• "I'm leaving early." --Helen L.
• "Good for you!" --Kent B., 10-30-02 (I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not...)
• "I can't babysit! I'd kill the poor kid!" --Susan L.
• "Yeah, and if you didn't, I'd come over and help you." --Helen L., 11-3-02
• "This is a loud day! Is this some kind of test you're doing on me?" --Dr. Babcock
• "Would you prefer a shock?" --guy in class, 11-4-02 (commenting on the number of cell phones that kept ringing during class...and illustrating the constant paranoia of those who study psychology)
• "You saw my...uh...power strip, right?" --Helen L.
• "Yes. I do like it. And I'm willing to exchange." --Susan L., 12-16-02
• "No shoving things down people's throats." --Roshan B.
• "Aw, darn!" --Christine L., 12-29-02

• Go on to Liners III.